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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Is it just us struggling or is homework/family time balance gone to pot?

193 replies

StormySunshine · 05/12/2016 09:30

My DS is 14 and since last year things have slowly but surely got really hard to balance anything to do together as a family or even just for him to have some free time. He leaves home around 7am and gets home after 5pm or twice a week 6pm due to extra-curricular activities. Then he has at least 2 homeworks that take 45mins to an hour Each plus often another one/two smaller ones. So apart from having a family meal together, not much time left for anything else. Then weekends - more and longer homeworks, coursework, etc, etc to a point where we can't often visit family and friends because taking almost a whole day off is a no-no! AIBU or is this just crazy for someone who's still a kid to do more working hours than me?!

OP posts:
5to2 · 05/12/2016 13:49

I agree with your general approach Artandco, in that breaking it down into manageable chunks and chipping away at it is a good idea.

EstelleRoberts · 05/12/2016 13:56

I agree with Artandco too. It's similar to what I used to do, and worked fine.

LineyReborn · 05/12/2016 14:04

I did what Artandco suggests, pre-internet.

Badbadbunny · 05/12/2016 14:25

I also agree with Artandco. My son only has a 20 minute bus journey - the rest of his commute is a mile walk at each end, but he still manages to do "something" whilst on the bus. Sometimes he'll read his English Lit reading book, other times, learn a few words for his German. Even on his walks, he sometimes listens to German on an iphone app. His total commute is an hour each way, so if he did nothing, that'd be 2 hours wasted every day. By doing "something" he probably gives himself another half hour each evening when he can properly do something more fun, that would otherwise have been spent studying instead.

LineyReborn · 05/12/2016 14:33

DS also listens to podcasts, which are relevant to the debating society he's in, which in turn has helped his confidence in general.

He will look at maths problems, work out solutions, then write them up when he gets indoors.

Or he might just text me and ask me what's for dinner ...

I guess I'm saying that commute time can be productive. I do sympathise with the pp though who says her DC can't even get a seat sometimes. That's crap.

Original poster
StormySunshine · 05/12/2016 16:42

All sensible suggestiins, I agree. Unfortunately just like 5to2 commuting during rush hours around London particularly means it's almost impossible to get a seat but reading up on something should be possible. Will have to discuss with him and put quite strongly some of those ideas down! Getting up early at weekend is another one that I have been overlooking - he tends to start work at 10am, since I thought that 10hrs sleep for a growing teen is quite important. But yes, I think I've been just as guilty if procrastinating as he has, since being used to him achieving really well without much help or supervision...

OP posts:
Original poster
StormySunshine · 05/12/2016 16:48

Oh, and Seeline, your DS = y10 situation sounds exactly the same I.e. 3 - 4 pieces a night, 45mins-1hr each with some due next day, some the day after, some as much as a week Xmas Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
StormySunshine · 05/12/2016 16:52

LineyReborn, I do feel a touch of the green-eyed monster Envy for having such a well-organised and conscientious DS - all power to you!

OP posts:
Seeline · 05/12/2016 16:52

I think there will always be some homework due the next day just because of the timetabling of lessons. In a large school it is impossible to get it all right all the time.
I also think commuting in London is not conducive to getting homework done - no seats, frequent changes of transport, no room to get stuff out of bags, and being mugged if your phone is on display...... For the extra 10 minutes that might be saved here and there, I really don't think it is worth the hassle.

golfbuggy · 05/12/2016 18:35

As others have said the issue is the commute. My DS is out at 8am and home by 4pm, so he effectively has 2 extra hours on his day - which is more than enough to do homework or an extra curricular activity.

I had a similar commute when I was a bit younger and then my parents moved closer to my school when I was 14. It made a huge huge difference. Not just the extra time, but the not feeling so tired all the time. I'm sure you chose the school and accompanying school for good reasons, but if he/you are finding it hard now, is it going to even be workable once he's in GCSE/A Level years? Whilst doing bits and pieces on the bus may be possible, it really isn't desirable.

Original poster
StormySunshine · 05/12/2016 18:56

Completely agree with you, Seeline! I understand your point ,golfbuggy, but he got in the independent school HE wanted (1 out of 9 kids get in), likes his teachers, etc and moving home or school isn't really an option. Guess I better brush up my mini-cabbing skills Wink

OP posts:
pointythings · 05/12/2016 20:20

I absolutely disagree that no secondary age child should ever have a whole day out during term time. That's ridiculous. If adults working full time are allowed time away, so should children. If schools are setting so much homework that their students can't afford a whole day off once in a while, what are they doing when their students are actually at school?

I do agree with cutting down on extracurriculars though - my DDs are Yr 9 and Yr 11 and definitely have 1.5 - 2 hours of homework most nights and that is on top of work they do during lunch and break.

Badbadbunny · 06/12/2016 08:54

I absolutely disagree that no secondary age child should ever have a whole day out during term time.

You're never more than a few weeks away from at least a week off. There are also teacher training days (usually Monday or Friday) spread over the year too. We hardly ever go away for a full day except during a school holiday or a teacher training day weekend - can't remember the last time we did. Homework etc also eases off massively in June/July once the teachers are 'de-mob happy' after the end of year exams which is a good time to relax and take time out.

Drivingmadness · 06/12/2016 12:21

Gosh, at some comments. I initially thought not agreeing about taking a whole schoolday off at sec school, meant taking a school day off. Even that I thought was a bit harsh. But surely a weekend day should be manageable?
Dc2 13 y, has afterschool activities 5 out of 7 days, but will "chip away" whenever she can. Dc3 often doesn't get home till 8pm, but again will do bits and pieces whenever she has 5 or 10 min.
And this is while all dc know that for dh and me academics come before "fun".

pointythings · 06/12/2016 12:30

You're never more than a few weeks away from at least a week off.

Right, so it's fine for a school age child to have some form of work 7 days a week for weeks on end. That isn't expected of most working adults.

There are also teacher training days (usually Monday or Friday) spread over the year too. We hardly ever go away for a full day except during a school holiday or a teacher training day weekend - can't remember the last time we did. Homework etc also eases off massively in June/July once the teachers are 'de-mob happy' after the end of year exams which is a good time to relax and take time out.

Can you imagine saying that to a prospective employee? 'Yes, we expect you to work 7 days a week but you'll have weeks off and oh, June and July are quiet so we'll give you a bit less work to do.'

Why is it OK for school age children not to have an entire day of a weekend to themselves? I just don't get it. I did my exams in the 80s when they were supposed to be hard and I was not expected to work those sort of hours. It's insane.

Badbadbunny · 06/12/2016 12:36

It depends whether you/your children want a decent education. It doesn't matter to anyone else. I really don't get all this angst against schools. At the end of the day it's the child who loses out if they get crap exam results. If you/they don't care and are happy to take the risk, then fair enough. But don't complain when your kids get crap grades and then can't get onto their further education course or can't get a decent job. No one else loses out but the child. Getting good grades in exams isn't easy - it's not rocket science - but it needs a lot of time to be spent on studying, practice and revision.

Bobochic · 06/12/2016 12:37

Working adults mostly have unpaid domestic labour to get through at the weekend.

DC having time to themselves to do as they please is crucial. But that isn't what the OP is talking about.

Drivingmadness · 06/12/2016 12:41

But I don't see why it has to be one or the other. I am aware that my dc don't need to spend so much time on homework as others, and still be in the top. But like today, whilest driving to swimming dc3 will be learning vocab. While dc2 is at dancing for 3.5 hours, she will have a break of 30 min in which she will eat but also do homework.
Weekends are 2 days, surely you can get away for 1 day to visit family??

Badbadbunny · 06/12/2016 12:41

Why is it OK for school age children not to have an entire day of a weekend to themselves?

Because it's in short bursts and they get 13 weeks (ie a quarter of the year) off where they don't need to "work" any day at all. You can't compare that against workers who have to work week after week after week with just 5 weeks off on average. Not to mention no-one expects them to work all day every day - a couple of hours each day at weekends is enough.

I'm sure lots of workers would love shorter days, even if they worked 7 days, if they had 13 weeks off spread over the year.

Worker: 40 hours per week 47 weeks = 1,880 hours per year.

School kid: 40 hours per week, 38 weeks = 1,596 hours per year

titchy · 06/12/2016 12:46

Badbunny It depends whether you/your children want a decent education

Personally happiness, a reasonable (not excessive...) social life, healthy mental state, hobbies are at least as important as a decent education. No point in a string of A stars if your kid's having a mental breakdown through.

And I certainly don't spend both days every weekend doing domestic work. 5 or 6 hours tops.

Mind you neither of mine do more than an hour a night homework and two or three hours over the entire weekend, and they're in GCSE and A Levels years.... Work smart, be organised. Have a balanced life.

ClaireontheMoon · 06/12/2016 12:52

That does sound a bit much. But is it good homework? If the tasks are genuinely building independent thinking, perhaps it's worth the effort ... if it's colouring in pictures of the Eiffel Tower, maybe you need to have a word with the school. Sometimes teachers have a timetable for setting homework in their subject (30 minutes on Tuesday etc.) which the school expects them to stick to: they feel pressured into setting something even if there isn't a useful task to set at that point. Sometimes headteachers need to allow a bit more flexibility.

pointythings · 06/12/2016 12:57

badbadbunny what school do your DCs go to that they don't get homework to do over the holidays (except the summer holidays)? Because my DDs most certainly do get substantial amounts of homework which must be done over the holidays and I can't imagine very many schools where that is not the case. So not 13 weeks' holiday at all, really.

Also re housework - my DDs do their share of the housework, just as the adults do, so that one won't fly either.

I think it absolutely should be possible for a family to get away for 1 day out of a weekend, preferably more than once a month. If that is impossible due to homework then schools are getting it wrong.

SecondaryQuandary · 06/12/2016 13:16

pointy things - my DS (Y8) has hardly any homework, certainly never any during the holidays. Having said that, he works like mad in lessons to ensure he doesn't have any completion homework, as talked about upthread, and he's been known to go to the library at break or lunch to avoid bringing anything home. But the school he's at, there just is very little homework - so far! The pace of the lessons is frightening though, so if you're off sick it's hard to catch up.

Op - can he do any at break or lunch or does he prefer to do it at home?

Badbadbunny · 06/12/2016 13:21

what school do your DCs go to that they don't get homework to do over the holidays

Telling that would out me, but yes, the school has a policy of no/little homework during holidays for years 7-9. I was very surprised myself and queried it when he started there, but yes, that's their intention. They do set a bit in years 10 onwards but usually just a "normal" homework so maybe 30-60 minutes per subject, so maybe 5-10 hours over the holiday if every teacher sets something.

Some teachers will set a longer project, but it won't be just over the holiday, they'll set it a week or two before or set a deadline of a week or two after, so the child can either do it in the holiday or do it during normal evenings/weekends.

Badbadbunny · 06/12/2016 13:25

he works like mad in lessons to ensure he doesn't have any completion homework

That's what my son does. He'd have a lot more homework if he messed around in class, but instead he gets his head down and tries to finish in class. Then when the homework is "finish off", he can tick the box and watch it disappear off the screen!! Most of his homeworks are the "finish off" stuff, with only the occasional big project/essay or progress test revision.