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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Is it just us struggling or is homework/family time balance gone to pot?

193 replies

StormySunshine · 05/12/2016 09:30

My DS is 14 and since last year things have slowly but surely got really hard to balance anything to do together as a family or even just for him to have some free time. He leaves home around 7am and gets home after 5pm or twice a week 6pm due to extra-curricular activities. Then he has at least 2 homeworks that take 45mins to an hour Each plus often another one/two smaller ones. So apart from having a family meal together, not much time left for anything else. Then weekends - more and longer homeworks, coursework, etc, etc to a point where we can't often visit family and friends because taking almost a whole day off is a no-no! AIBU or is this just crazy for someone who's still a kid to do more working hours than me?!

OP posts:
Seeline · 07/12/2016 09:57

I think all the emailing back and forth from teachers, the google docs, the downloading, the website based research,... it actually makes our children waste more time than when we had written down our homework in class and we just had to open our books and get on with it!
Drummersmum you are so right. There is also so much more potential for distraction for those that have low will power when they have to use the computer all the time.

Also - I think most of us with DCs that do get a lot of homework/spend a long time doing homework are not saying that is all the DCs do. In fact in many cases it is the fact that homework has to be fitted round extra-curricular/hobbies that means more time spent on homework at weekends. The OPs original comment was that there rarely seemed to be the opportunity for a family day out at the weekend because of homework - a comment I would agree with.

ElizaSchuyler · 07/12/2016 10:04

Very true Seeline.

Dd is a day student at a boarding school where the school & boarding house has limited IT & wifi.

She complete homework so much faster than DS.

Sometimes DS has to wait for homework to be uploaded, if he is at drama rehearsal he can't do online stuff during breaks etc. The only big advantage is that he doesn't have to remember to write it in a planner. He has always struggled with that due t his asd.

AndNowItsSeven · 07/12/2016 10:05

Pestov 20 hours a week is not necessary in year 11! What are you teaching in school if you students need to do that much work at home?

MumTryingHerBest · 07/12/2016 10:08

Bobochic Wed 07-Dec-16 09:54:23 at Granny's house because your parents don't prioritise schoolwork is awful for DC.

Then I hold my hands up to being awful as my DC loves working in my MIL's home office when we visit.

ElizaSchuyler · 07/12/2016 10:13

It seems there is a method at ds's school!

In years 10-11 it's two home works per subject per week each piece should take 20-30 mins per session.

So that's between 6-9 hours per week. It's a very high achieving school.

GetAHaircutCarl · 07/12/2016 10:24

I guess whether working at granny's us okay or not depends on the set up.

DD's mate decamps to her's during exam time as her mum is a worry worm and always around.

Our granny's house is not too suitable. And a visit always brings on a legendary Family Do. Last Saturday nights was one for the history books Grin.

Tenpastlate · 07/12/2016 10:37

This thread makes me feel sad. Sad for all the children who are sacrificing their childhoods for the highest grades.
Grades can only be so high, and once out of the education system, they are largely irrelevant.
Whilst I'm sure that some children thrive on 12+ hour school days, there are probably many more heading for burnout and mental health problems, especially those who are not able to have even one day off at the weekend.

ealingwestmum · 07/12/2016 10:52

Extra curricular activities that DC choose and are engaged in are crucial.

Fitting in homework on the bus and at Granny's house because your parents don't prioritise schoolwork is awful for DC.

I don't think any parent wants to see their children do all their homework on the bus, but some children like mine, have to utilise their time, as the bus or tube is the method of transport used to go on to their after school extra curricular. They try and remove as much as they can in any means that they can. If that's learning some vocab en route, or reading up on a topic, then great.

I don't also expect to her to see her Gran (and the extended aunties) all the time through the term, but will not with hold the odd visit if she's able to take her homework along. She is mature enough to know that engagement with their views, outlook on life, experiences, cultural differences etc are just as valid as homework and for sure, does not want to say the words 'I wish I saw more of gran when I was younger', when it's too late. And her social skills are not reserved for her peer group via social media alone Grin.

There is huge sympathy for OP's predicament, and that some advances such as tech can hinder rather enhance the learning process. I have not read about anyone on here (I don't think!) not prioritising their children's homework. It's just trying to find solutions that suit their child and using their judgement on the more rounded needs of their DC as part of that process.

pointythings · 07/12/2016 11:04

DD1is in Yr 11 and definitely npt doing 20 hours a week. She is getting great grades, works hard and efficiently. If 20 hours is essential, the school are getting it wrong.

clerquin · 07/12/2016 11:34

Bobochic
Commuting isn't ideal but it's not uncommon when you don't have the luxury of even a 'good enough' school on your doorstep. It's a 30min drive or an hour's school bus which is not uncommon given it stops several stops enroute.
Shouldn't do homework on the bus? Why can't you learn vocab on the bus? Hardly rocket science is it?
Obviously, prioritising monthly grandparent visits is not for you. Taking homework to Granny's is disrespecting teachers? O.K....backs away slowly....

Bobochic · 07/12/2016 11:43

I feel relieved that in our family GPs who wanted to see their DGCs in term time know that they need to fit around the DGCs school schedule!

ElizaSchuyler · 07/12/2016 11:43

Grandparents will not be with us forever.

titchy · 07/12/2016 11:47

Bobochic, clavinova et al

In actual fact 70.6% of UK students gained a 1st or 2:1, compared to 69.5% of EU students (in 2014/15), so far from EU students doing significantly BETTER than UK students at UK universities the opposite is true.

The data in the study in the Guardian refers only to those who responded to the survey, not to all graduates which is the data I have used.

Clavinova · 07/12/2016 12:09

The Guardian article says the survey covers 2 million leavers from British universities and that EU undergraduates were nearly 50 % more likely obtain a first-class degree - it doesn't mention anything about upper-second class degrees.

titchy · 07/12/2016 12:37

21.7% UK graduates got a 1st vs 24.6% of EU, so EU did a bit better by that measure, but not twice as well!

MumTryingHerBest · 07/12/2016 12:47

Bobochic Wed 07-Dec-16 11:43:47 I feel relieved that in our family GPs who wanted to see their DGCs in term time know that they need to fit around the DGCs school schedule!

Each to their own. I personnaly prefer to emphasis the importance of family relationships rather than suggesting they should be a secondary consideration. I would also be reluctant to build an expectation that everything should fit in around my DC, especially for the entire duration of their education (which spans quite some years).

LittleBearPad · 07/12/2016 12:47

I remember doing homework at GPs when I was young. It was fine. As was reading my eng lit book on the bus home or practicing spelling and times tables in the car when v little.

It fits in because it has to. Planning it though is key. What can be done at GPs, when does stuff have to be done by, what can be done on the bus. It's actually good practice for working life as there are many jobs now that aren't confined to 9-5 in an office.

Bobochic · 07/12/2016 12:55

GPs who travel to see their DGCs at a time and place that makes sense for the GC are most definitely prioritizing family relationships. Our DCs see/saw their paternal GPs once for lunch every single week in term time for the whole of their school careers.

MumTryingHerBest · 07/12/2016 13:02

Bobochic As someone who has had to sit in busy airports/train stations etc. typing reports etc. I think a DC can benefit from learning to focus and work in a busy environment.

are most definitely prioritizing family relationships

I wasn't referring to the GPs I was referring to the DCs

Bobochic · 07/12/2016 13:17

There really is no advantage to working in a busy environment. And DCs who are brought up to understand that they have a weekly commitment to their GPs really are learning to prioritize family relationships.

wannabestressfree · 07/12/2016 13:17

As the mother of a teenager sectioned for two years I find your comments about mental health very offensive Bobochic.

Bobochic · 07/12/2016 13:19

Then you are offended by very little.

ElizaSchuyler · 07/12/2016 13:19

I think family relationships should be prioritised.

Bobochic · 07/12/2016 13:21

Priorities have to be weighed. Family relationships don't take place in a vacuum outside the many and varied responsibilities of life.

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 07/12/2016 13:28

As a teacher, I usually recommend students planning 15 hours a week for homework in Y10.

Christ on a bike. That's too much! I can remember the 1st yr of GCSES (shortly after the last ice age) and I probably got around an hour a day, if that.
Surely school isn't just about passing exams?? Isn't it supposed to instill a love of learning?
I do think students need to be taught research skills, and things like "reading around" and note taking, but the relentless slog just sounds like it would cause a child to see learning as an endless uphill struggle.
Extra curricular activities are really important at this age! And family, including extended family.
The smartest and probably best read two people I have ever known left school at 14 and 16 respectively. We don't have to turn children into miserable little automatons. Fucksake.