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SAHP

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

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Original poster

Lie-ins for SAHMs?

224 replies

LouisaJF · 25/05/2015 08:14

I was curious of your opinions on this.

I am a SAHM to two boys aged 1 and 3 and DH runs his own business. Seven days a week I get up with DS2 at 6-6.30 and DH gets up at 8-8.30, has a hath, gets ready for work and spends 5-10 minutes with us before heading out. In the evening he is usually home with less than an hour before bedtime.

Obviously I do all the housework and all meals for all 4 of us, including DH'a packed lunch. I'm also the one who gets up to the kids in the night.

At the weekend I still get up with the boys and he has a lie-in till 10ish and a bath. I get a lie-in once a month but have to wake DH as he never hears the children, which means I'm awake and can't always get back to sleep. I can't remember the last time I had a bath.

I know DH has a lot of stress on his shoulders with the business, but am I unreasonable in thinking I could have a lie-in a bit more frequently than this as my job isn't easy either. I think it stems from the fact that I rarely have any time to myself as I don't get to see friends much or have any time out from being mum eg a soak in the bath.

Do I just need to get a grip?

OP posts:
MrsBradleyCooper · 25/05/2015 08:17

I am a SAHM and I never really get a lie in. My DH however does help a lot with housework and kids so I feel there is an even balance. He never gets a lie in either so it's not like one of us is better off. He also runs his own business and sometimes works 7 days a week.

Zippidydoodah · 25/05/2015 08:18

If he's off work on both weekend days, then you should take it in turns to have a lie in til 10 and a bath! You work hard too!

Andcake · 25/05/2015 08:20

I'm a working mum and I never get a lie in either. Either up for work or getting up with dc so I can spend time with them. DP works from home and has dc a few days a week but I still have to get up for work.

treaclesoda · 25/05/2015 08:21

I'm a sahm and I get a lie in on either a Saturday or Sunday morning. Dh wouldn't expect to get lying in every weekend and for me to never get a lie in.

Sansarya · 25/05/2015 08:21

I'm not a SAHM but I was on maternity leave for 14 months and DP would always take DS in the mornings on Saturday or Sunday so that I could have a lie in. It's what any decent bloke would do.

honeycrest · 25/05/2015 08:22

I'm a SAHM also and me and DH alternate the lie-ins on his days off so we usually both get at least one a week. Sometimes DH doesn't start work until the afternoon and one of us gets a lie-in on those days too. You aren't being unreasonable. Its exhausting having broken sleep and then being up early too, a few extra hours sleep or some time to yourself makes all the difference. It sounds like your DH is taking the piss a bit, leisurely baths everyday yet he can only manage 5-10 minutes with his family before leaving? That would annoy me

expatinscotland · 25/05/2015 08:23

How did all these men who 'don't hear the children' get up for work before they had them? Funny that, they are able to get up, just not for kids.

LadyintheRadiator · 25/05/2015 08:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Velociraptor · 25/05/2015 08:24

Did I read that right, he gets to sleep two hours more than you every single night, more at weekends? In no way is that even slightly fair. How is it that he is getting an extra 16 or so hours a week in bed, and you don't even have the spare time for a bath? I think something needs to change sooner rather than later!

RaskolnikovsGarret · 25/05/2015 08:24

Can your DH not see how selfish he is being? Not nice at all. No decent man would allow this situation to continue.

mumto3alexa · 25/05/2015 08:24

Course you do and you should have a few lies in the week too

MrsBradleyCooper · 25/05/2015 08:25

What honeycrest said

EdYouKateShaun · 25/05/2015 08:25

I'm a SAHM. Any that I can get done during the day I'll do but I'm a SAHM in order to be there for our children not so that the housework gets done. That's a bonus. Anything that needs done in the evening is split 50/50. Ditto for the weekends. We get 1 long lie each at the weekend although I tend to get more because DH recognises that it's a good chance to spend time with the children.

Fairylea · 25/05/2015 08:25

I'm a sahm and neither of us lie in. We both get up when the dc get up every day. Dh would lie in if I let him but I know he would sleep through if I had a lie in so the fairest way is neither of us get a lie in. If I wake up first I wake him up. No resentment then ..... I'll have a lie in when the kids are older.

Sansarya · 25/05/2015 08:25

Wait, just seen you've said your DH wakes up at 8-830 everyday - that's a lie in for most people with kids! So he can easily afford to give you the chance to sleep late at weekends and stop being a selfish git

Pagwatch · 25/05/2015 08:25

DH has always shared getting up at the weekend because he's not a selfish twat and he loves me and his children.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 25/05/2015 08:26

I think it's irrelevant what others do really, but it doesn't seem fair that he seems to be getting a lot more sleep than you. If you were both getting up at 6.30 (him for work, you for childcare) it would be different, but he has an extra 2 hours sleep on weekdays and up to 4 hours on weekends! Certainly doesn't seen fair to me and I would be looking for one weekend day lie in at least.
FWIW I'm a SAHM to an 18 month old who doesn't sleep through. DH and I both get up at 7 in the week (me with DD, him for work) and I usually get a lie in both weekend days, firstly because I do night wakings and secondly because DH likes spending the time with DD as he doesn't get much chance in the week.

shoppingbagsundereyes · 25/05/2015 08:27

Your dh is taking the mickey. My dh did the same when ds was small but when dd was born and I was doing night feeds at 12 and 3 and ds was waking up for the day at 5 I decided it needed to change. We started taking it in turns with a lie in at weekends and he got up with ds at 5 since I'd been up half the night.
Now our dcs are older and we still take it in turns with lie ins although he works long hours, travels a lot and as the dcs are older I'm not so tired so I often give him my lie in as I'm happy to get up at 6.30. If he is at home in the week he gets up a little later than me but helps get the dcs ready for school. Our lie ins are agreed to be only until 8 though as I feel staying in bed til 10 wastes so much of the morning.
I would start with a discussion about taking it in turns with lie ins. My dh didn't used to wake up when the dcs came in but I was stubborn and sent them round to his side of the bed. After a while he would wake up quicker.

fakenamefornow · 25/05/2015 08:28

I remember I went out with four friends once and we all did something different in the mornings. I took turns with dh having a lie in at the weekend, friend one got up both days her dh stayed in bed, friend two dh got up both days and she stayed in bed, friend three they both got up and nobody stayed in bed. This arrangement suited each of our families and we were all happy with it, it sound like yours doesn't work for you. Have a word with dh and start taking turns with the weekend lie ins.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 25/05/2015 08:28

Oh and our lie ins would never be until 10 at the weekend as that's most of the morning wasted, it is usually about 8.30am.

NoMontagues · 25/05/2015 08:29

My DH runs his own business too. He gets up every day at about 6.30, gets ready, then before he leaves the house he brings up a bottle and gets DS up and brings him in to me at 7ish.

He does DS's bath time when he gets home. On weekends he nearly always gives me a lie in on either the Saturday or the Sunday, unless he has been working on the Saturday in which case he may or may not lie in on Sunday.

It's partly to help me and partly because he is keen to spend as much time with DS as possible.

fustybritches · 25/05/2015 08:32

Your DH gets a lie in 7 days a week.

If one if you can sleep until 8.30 weekdays why is it him every day if you're up in the night?

Look at it from the perspective of total hours of sleep across the week. He's getting about 18 hours more than you. 18!

WipsGlitter · 25/05/2015 08:34

Neither of us (both wohp) get a lie in as such. However out bedroom and sitting room are on the same floor so we tend to lie in bed chatting while the kids are watching TV in the other room.

Have you spoken to your DP about this?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 25/05/2015 08:34

Your Dh is being unfair. Dh and I used to share the weekends, one would have a Saturday lie in, one a Sunday lie in.

fiftyshadesofgrot · 25/05/2015 08:41

Im a SAHM and I never get a lie in. Haven't had one since DD was born 5.8 years ago. DH never gets in for bedtime either. . .

It does get easier as the physical 'work' with the DC during the day becomes less exhausting. However, this won't help you now as the stage you're at is now relentless. You dont need to get a grip and it is HARD work! I do think that you and your DH should try to get one lie in each every weekend. DH and I tried this and even if I didn't sleep because of loud DC, I had my soak in the Bath with headphones on. I felt refreshed, mellow and CLEAN!

You sound like you're doing a smashing job, I never would have managed all meals and packed Lunch for DH every day.