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SAHP

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Lie-ins for SAHMs?

224 replies

LouisaJF · 25/05/2015 08:14

I was curious of your opinions on this.

I am a SAHM to two boys aged 1 and 3 and DH runs his own business. Seven days a week I get up with DS2 at 6-6.30 and DH gets up at 8-8.30, has a hath, gets ready for work and spends 5-10 minutes with us before heading out. In the evening he is usually home with less than an hour before bedtime.

Obviously I do all the housework and all meals for all 4 of us, including DH'a packed lunch. I'm also the one who gets up to the kids in the night.

At the weekend I still get up with the boys and he has a lie-in till 10ish and a bath. I get a lie-in once a month but have to wake DH as he never hears the children, which means I'm awake and can't always get back to sleep. I can't remember the last time I had a bath.

I know DH has a lot of stress on his shoulders with the business, but am I unreasonable in thinking I could have a lie-in a bit more frequently than this as my job isn't easy either. I think it stems from the fact that I rarely have any time to myself as I don't get to see friends much or have any time out from being mum eg a soak in the bath.

Do I just need to get a grip?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 25/05/2015 11:51

'What is it with all these lazy entitled men? There seems to be an epidemic of them at the moment and they are making me very cross.'

And these equally enabling women. Go to bed earlier, OP, suck it up till they go to school, find a way to make it work to enable this character . . .

mumto3alexa · 25/05/2015 11:52

Don't be ridiculous blowinahoolie she is meant to wait a couple of years. You should be getting regular lie ins and rest regardless

mumto3alexa · 25/05/2015 12:02

That also only works if you both have easy jobs. What if you both have important jobs?

blowinahoolie · 25/05/2015 12:12

DH often works weekends so I am unlikely to get a lie in, am I? Hmm Don't be daft, that doesn't work for everyone expat...

He is often off during the week and does the school and nursery runs for me instead. You can't have it all ways!

Mrsjayy · 25/05/2015 12:12

What job is so important that the man working parent cant get up on a weekend to see to his children this important job high earning is just a load of pish enabiling them to think they aremore important then everybody around them its a load of tosh a sahm isnt a slave to herhusbands needs they have a family fgs

blowinahoolie · 25/05/2015 12:13

FFS do people think that everyone works 9-5 Monday to Friday?? Get real, some people do work weekends and there isn't a choice for the SAHP to get a 'lie in'. What a utter shite some people spout on here.

mumto3alexa · 25/05/2015 12:15

We do 76 hours swapping over with 3 kids and no childcare. There is still plenty of time to sleep or have naps as needed

Mrsjayy · 25/05/2015 12:16

Of course not my husband worked on calls shifts when mine were younger but he still made time for his children when he could he didnt opt out and take daily soaks and left me to run ragged around him

TheVeryThing · 25/05/2015 12:20

Ffs Nobody has said that weekend lie-ins are compulsory, but this man is clearly taking the piss.

The issue is that, regardless of the working schedule, downtime should be shared.

Are some people deliberately missing the point here?

'And these equally enabling women. Go to bed earlier, OP, suck it up till they go to school, find a way to make it work to enable this character . . .'

Agreed expat

mrsmugoo · 25/05/2015 12:26

My DH and I both work, me 3 days a week, him self-employed and works all the hours 7 days a week therefore I get up with our 14 month old every day. He sleeps later than me but not for more hours in total as he works late as he deals with other time zones.
I don't think it's fair to ask him to get up at 7 when he worked til 2am and I've been asleep since 10:30

Everyone's situation is different, but it's important that you don't feel short changed by whatever arrangement you have.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 25/05/2015 12:26

Well said expat.

mumto3alexa · 25/05/2015 12:27

There is no job in the world that means one partner can never give the other one a break or time off

OliveCane · 25/05/2015 12:29

I'm not a SAHM mum but we take turns having a lie in. Even when I was a SAHM and did the nights, I got one morning on the weekend to lie in. I think you should demand a lie in.

mrsmugoo · 25/05/2015 12:30

Mumto3 - you can't say that. Being self employed isn't a job it's a life

howabout · 25/05/2015 12:31

I agree with Becool on the "selfish entitled arse" but I assume since you married him he must have some redeeming qualities and may just never have considered that you have NO time even to have a bath in peace? Could you bathe once DC are in bed?
My DH had to get up for work anyway whereas I did not so when DD2 arrived he took over being in charge of breakfast for him and DD1. This is how things have stayed. The oldest is now 14 and I never get up till my morning cup of tea is made. They arrange lunch box making between the now 4 of them. I have a 2 hour slot on the weekend for having a bath, which DD3 sometimes remembers not to disturb.
Head over to the new SAHM board and say hello Smile

InfiniteJest · 25/05/2015 12:32

He works all day, but so do you. Constantly caring for small children is tiring. You also get up to the kids in the night, so your sleep is always broken. You absolutely should be having lie ins! Your need for rest is as valid and important as his.

FujimotosElixir · 25/05/2015 12:32

I am a SAHM ,i get up earlier than DH everyday and plus his job is sat down and im running around after a 2 year old all day. we have a routine sat morn my lie in Sunday is his. I made this routine as it was getting to a point where the level of sleep was very unequal.

mumto3alexa · 25/05/2015 12:32

I suppose it depends on your attitude I was back in work within a few weeks of giving birth, but still did my half of night feeds and childcare.

mrsmugoo · 25/05/2015 12:34

How much sleep do you need? I get up at 6:30/7 everyday but I go to bed at 10:30 so I've had my 7/8 hours which is plenty.

I haven't had longer than that since I was a teenager ffs!

Iggi999 · 25/05/2015 12:35

There is no job in the world that means one partner can never give the other one a break or time off
This. And if you really can't, (though I can't imagine what such a job would be), then you shouldn't have children.

FujimotosElixir · 25/05/2015 12:35

not all kids sleep through Confused

mumto3alexa · 25/05/2015 12:37

I don't really sleep through as I have a child with sn and baby in the house at present

mumto3alexa · 25/05/2015 12:44

Self employed people don't work 24/7. They have a couple of hours off to let someone sleep. Good god

mrsmugoo · 25/05/2015 12:44

I'm not for one minute suggesting that men should be entitled to more sleep than women but there's a lot of very closed minded posts on this thread!

Everyone's situation is different! And yes there ARE situations where I think it's only "fair" that one parent step up on childcare if the other is putting in very long hours doing paid work.

My DH didn't do any night feeds because he didn't have boobs! He did other things to make our collective lives easier though.

mrsmugoo · 25/05/2015 12:47

I get a lot more sleep than my DH that's for sure. He's lucky if he averages 5 hours a night due to working / being "on call" due to the nature of his work.