Lie-ins for SAHMs?

[LouisaJF]

I was curious of your opinions on this.

I am a SAHM to two boys aged 1 and 3 and DH runs his own business. Seven days a week I get up with DS2 at 6-6.30 and DH gets up at 8-8.30, has a hath, gets ready for work and spends 5-10 minutes with us before heading out. In the evening he is usually home with less than an hour before bedtime.

Obviously I do all the housework and all meals for all 4 of us, including DH'a packed lunch. I'm also the one who gets up to the kids in the night.

At the weekend I still get up with the boys and he has a lie-in till 10ish and a bath. I get a lie-in once a month but have to wake DH as he never hears the children, which means I'm awake and can't always get back to sleep. I can't remember the last time I had a bath.

I know DH has a lot of stress on his shoulders with the business, but am I unreasonable in thinking I could have a lie-in a bit more frequently than this as my job isn't easy either. I think it stems from the fact that I rarely have any time to myself as I don't get to see friends much or have any time out from being mum eg a soak in the bath.

Do I just need to get a grip?

I agree with BeCool. It's not to do with being a SAHM. I don't get why people marry arses, they can't turn into dicks overnight can they?

Me and partner often share lie ins at weekend. I have to wake him to get up though as he is deaf in one ear so struggles to hear the kids (and sleeps very deeply!). He gets up later than me in the week mostly too, but he's always been like that, not sure how to change that! He doesn't see kids much on weekdays as it is quick shower and out to try and not miss his train!

He is happy for me to lie in though, although i get told off if i'm not actually sleeping and i am buggering about on my phone ;) He got up with kids this morning.

Enjoyyourcoffee1981 my husband is a director of a big company in the City. He works long and stressful hours and has a tricky commute.
But he gets to go for a wee alone. He can stare catatonically out of the window on the train without CONSTANT interruption. He gets to speak to adults and they listen.
We HAVE to agree that even though he could talk himself into thinking he's Da Big Playa, and I'm his Wag, the reality is rather different, and he has to cut me slack or we'd break.

yeah but you don't realise what kids will do when you marry do you? both of you having lovely lie ins until 11am in bed together is fantastic pre kids. Him continuing them solo post kids is not so great!

He is being a selfish git, I am just getting up this morning. Dp got up with the kids, he is going to work later and won't be home till 11pm but now I am up he is off to doha big food shop.

Dp does crap shift work and has a stressful job both physically and emotionally, he still plays an active role in our family. When he is at work I am on duty, when he is home we both pitch in as is necessary. Dp doesn't like sleeping in Tbf but he will have a nap during the day sometimes or just a lazy day around the house etc.

Have you tried talking to him about this op? What time does he come home? And why the late starts, can he not get up earlier in the week, he could spend a good hour with kids before work.

I agree with becool its nothing to do with being a sahm it him acting like a special snowflake why are his needs more important than yours because he earns the money fuck that

DH gets Saturdays for a lie in, I get Sundays... He gets up from between 3.30-5.30am during the week, I get up at 7am. Unless you are getting lie in's during the week then you should have one at the weekend, every weekend.

It doesn't matter if you're a working mum or a SAHM. Parenting is tough on both and we all need rest. I personally can't sleep past 6:30am I bloody wish I could though! I'm on annual leave now and still up before dd but if I asked dp to see to her in the morning then he would. Your oh is being really unfair

I am a SAHM. DP gets up first and leaves me to sleep most days, because I never have an unbroken nights sleep due to DD waking up and needing to be fed back to sleep. I make sure to give him a lie in on one of his days off each week. If DD was sleeping through the night we would share the lie ins more equally.

At the moment DP gets home from work after bedtime, so really values the extra time with DD in the morning anyway.

Bacon... how old are your children?

Mine are 2&4. I go to the toilet on myself. And I get to think, relax, chill. With them both around me. Not all the time by any stretch of the imagination! But certainly fairly regularly. I guess my situation drives my view that dh has it harder because, quite honestly, he does. He's stressed. I love him. I'm not stressed. So, for this time of our loves I am happy to do lion share of child care and housework. Having said that, he's taken them both to soft play and I am enjoying greek yoghurt with granola in front of the TV!

It really is the unfairness of it all he is swanning about expecting you to just deal with everything so he can have a bath etc etc i also think its quite sad he is hardly seeing his children i get he is working but i think he needs to see life out of your eyes getting up on a sunday morning isnt going to kill him

Also I suppose that I worked in same industry as him pre children, albeit at a much junior level, and I know how stressful it can be

What is it with all these lazy entitled men? There seems to be an epidemic of them at the moment and they are making me very cross.

I'm sure your dh is busy with his business but his working hours don't seem overly long to me.
Why the fuck should he have extra time in bed every morning and lie-ins at the weekend?

We both WOH and get up at the same time during the week. At the weekend, we take turns having a lie-in.

I just can't imagine it any other way.

Earning money is not some sort of free pass that allows you to opt out of parenting your children or running a home (and I say that as the main earner in my family).

10am is taking the piss though!

he neds to sharfe the lie ins at the weekend.

Nothing to do with being a SAHM. Your dh is being an arse.

I would send the Dcs in to bounce on him and pester him at 7am.

What is your fil like? Because I think it's the example that is set for them.
My fil has always been very hands on so dh follows.
In fact mil told me that the children learned early on to call for daddy and not mummy

Once they are at school and nursery you'll get some respite, until then, because of the age gap you have between your two DC, you'll have to accept it's going to be hard for the next couple of years. Sorry.

I hardly get a long lie in, it happens very rarely. I have two DC, 8yo and nearly 5yo. Much easier to chill out when they are at school during the day...

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 mine are 5, 4,4 and one has autism and another is being monitored for adhd. The four year olds will start school later this year but I still am the one that has to deal with the really intense stuff like getting everyone out in the morning etc.

Of course it's reasonable for you to have a lie in, OP. I'd say that one of you should have Saturday and the other should get Sunday. And if he doesn't hear the kids on his days, he needs to put on an alarm for just before they usually wake up.

Bacon.... Our situations are very different. Hence our different outlook on the issue. In your scenario I would absolutely expect my dh to share the load more equally.

DH works in a safety critical job so he needs his sleep or can be killed in an instant.

I don't really mind getting up at weekends as I need to take medication at 8am anyway every day. Only advice is get to your bed early OP, and that way you can get loads of sleep in before waking up to your DC the next day......you find a solution that is workable for everyone.

We always share the lie-ins and when DS was tiny always shared night feeds equally. Total equality in this house!

I think you should get one lie in a week. I WOH full time and DH is self employed and mostly works evenings and weekends. I get up at 6.30 and he gets up at 7 during the week. I sort out uniform and feed the baby, do the cats and go to work about 8am. DH dresses kids and feeds them and does the school run. I mostly do bed times and he mostly gets their dinner. At the weekend he generally has to leave by ten so neither of us gets a big lie in, but we aim to stay in bed until 8am. He does go away for work though and I get bloody bitter when he's had two weeks of sleeping late and I've been managing three kids, a nanny and working full time with a wakeful eight month old.

Thankyou, Enjoyingmycoffee1981.