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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Narcissitic Personality Disorder (Part 2)

968 replies

Gettingagrip · 04/03/2010 10:41

Starting another thread for us survivors.

OP posts:
therealme · 21/03/2010 21:01

Forthebest I'm only linking in with this thread now as I have been having a pretty bad day - low and in limbo, but never mind that for now.

My ex has also made reference to starting a new family, having another child, to me since we split. It is the biggest kick in the guts any woman of a certain age will hear.

He has also told me that nobody will love me as much as he has.

I have been accused of being 'cold' and unemotional. Told me that I ignored him for 17 years. The truth is, I wasn't able to idolise him as much as he idolised himself. No matter how loyal or committed or loving you are, it will never be enough. N's require excessive admiration, remember that.

My ex is living at his mothers rent free so he can, allegedly, save up for a deposit for a house. This never happened whist we were together and his biggest complaint against me was for the fact that we were renting. Infact, we had co-owned a house with our council some years ago because I organised it all. We sold it on his request. Anyway, that's irrelevent, he knows that by telling me he intends to buy a house is a way of putting me down, of putting me in my place.

The addiction to drama: this was my ex. Any family crisis and he was there. He developed a reputation for being the one who was called anytime a crisis occured. He has dealt with 3 suicides through work, friend and family. He was always the first on the scene, literally. Not by accident I now believe. He has continued to maintain the drama in our seperation. His latest attempt to spark trouble has been to hijack a thread I began way back when I was at the start of my 'leaving'. Everytime we ever fell out he would do or say something that would instill panic in me. He was always fuelling the drama of it, making it worse, evoking a reaction. Prick.

Who ever said you are better off if they just discard you and disappear is right. This turning up to taunt you is torture, dragging out the screwing of your head. My ex had hypnotised me into believing every word out of his mouth was the gospel truth and I didn't know my left foot from my right. He still believes it, and I have to keep reminding myself of his insanity by coming back to the women on this thread.
It will take some time to fully free yourself from his hold over you. I'm still battling away here too.

Forthebestagain · 21/03/2010 21:14

he has gone.
All his things are gone. Everything.

He hugged me before he left and it was nice, im not gonna lie. I didnt hug back, just kind of sat there like a lump but he smelt good. Like the old him ? Oh I know I sound stupid, but im really not sure what ive done.

He looked me in the eye and said, I really hope you are gonna be happy FTB and that this is what you want. Im never coming back now. I do love you, no matter what you might think.

Then he left.

Mum bought the dc back and I bathed them and got them in bed, they were knackered its well past their bedtime.
DD1 saw the teeny potable I bought down from my bedrrom and asked what had happened to the t.v. I said that it was daddys t.v so he needed it for the time being and mummy get a new one evntually.
She was fine bless her.

They didnt ask about him.

Mum said that dd2 tld her that daddy had left and didnt live with them but they saw him every now and then. I knew it was affecting dd2. Thats just breaking my heart.

So. Here I am. On my own.

Im scared. I have a headache and the urge to phone him and ask him for another hug is so strong.

He made me so many promises, I wish I knew if he could keep them. I am supposed to be at work toomorrow but I just cant face it. Im wonderig if it would be so terrible to phone in sick.

This has been the worst day of my life.

Thanks for listening.

ItsGraceAgain · 21/03/2010 21:39

Oh, bless you

Well done! It's like pulling a bad tooth (sorry, no better analogies to hand) - it hurts like hell, but you know it's got to be done for the sake of your health.

Call in sick if you like, but only if you're going to use the time for something comforting - ask your mum to come over, go out with a girl friend, have a spa day or a counselling session. Or any combination! (Go to a holistic-type spa that has counsellors, with your mum and a friend??)

When you want that hug, FTB, call Women's Aid. They know.

Right now, make yourself something warm to drink and cuddle your kids.

Maggie00 · 21/03/2010 22:28

Well done. He's trying to make you feel like you're foolishly throwing away a good relationship and a good, kind, loving man. But that's not what happened.

I bet today was excruciating from start to finish. Well done for getting through it. I would phone in sick. You need the day to recharge.

Forthebestagain · 21/03/2010 22:32

have just had a really hot bath and am in my "fat " p'js. Am now having a vodka and tonic and then im going to bed.

He has text me. Asked me how the kids wereand to tell me he will be back over tommorrow to clear the shed..............

So he is even taking the lawnmower..

junglist1 · 21/03/2010 22:34

Well done. I bet he still thought you'd call him as he was walking out the door.
I'm still waiting for my boys to come back from their dads, in the car now apparently. These people live in a different reality, they really do. Because I asked for them at 830 he's done this. Wankstain

Unlikelyamazonian · 21/03/2010 22:35

Well done girl! Jeez, like many others of us on here he is just following the same old abusive manipulative script. Saying 'you will never see me again' and 'no one will ever love you like I do' and the 'I can't bear to see the kids' shite is just him laying the ground for being an irresponsible lazy wanker after you have split - and being able to blame you as usual, as in 'but I told you that I would just fuck off completely. I did warn you....'

As for hugging you and saying he will always love you blah blah. Pass the sick bag. This is not love. It is a form of mental and emotional torture which he is relishing. He is a bloody drama queen and enjoying every last bit of your agony and confusion. He has a heart of stone FTBA and you are going to be a squillion times better off without him.

It won't feel like it now or tomorrow probably or the next day. But you have to go through this process of time. Time and distance - the amount of time put between today and the next few months. Because believe me you are going to heal and gget better and start enjoying your freedom wwithout this head-twisting fucking nnonsense. He sounds like an ickle bickle five year old crying into Mummy's blouse. Only the fact is he is the toddler in an adult's body with all the know-how to make you hurt.

Well sod him. Have a bloody good wail, lose some weight, get a few sleeping tabs, stay strong and get support and boosts to keep you going from wherever you cvacn - Women's Aid, family, friends and on here. Just get through this. Please do not give in to his whining or his threats.

Please know that many many of us have witnessed this kind of shit and much later when we are out of these relationships we wonder how the hell we put up with it.
Well we did it because they are very good manip[ulators,. they are very convincing actors and we are very nice people!!

You must give yourslelf a big clap on the back for being brave and resolved today (even if you didn't feel like it.)

What have you done? You ask?? You have taken a major step on the road towards a happier, saner and more fulfilling life for yourself and your children.

He is the monumental fuck-up here. Not you.

Well done you I say again.

Katisha · 21/03/2010 22:40

Do you have to be about to watch him clear the shed?
Would it maybe better to make yourself scarce and let him do it by himself so you don't have to go through all that again?
Or does he need an audience?

therealme · 21/03/2010 22:40

Forthebest take the day off sick tomorrow an keep your girls with you. Indulge them. Take them out and buy them ice cream. Play in the park and have fun.
Your life is with your girls now, you can parent them and look after them without fear of repercusions. You are answerable to nobody but them and it is the start of your new, independent life together.
It probably doesn't feel like it now, but you have saved them from a childhood of anxiety. They no longer have to worry about their Mum and Dad's relationship or try to interpret what is really going on. It is for their sakes that you needed to do what you did today.

Maggie00 · 21/03/2010 22:42

it's so urgent that he clears the shed!? omg. poor you! he didn't break you down when he took the tv, so he is coming back tomorrow for the tools.....

so, you have to stay strong as cast iron for another day? Can you get somebody to be with you for the urgent removal of the lawnmower?

junglist1 · 21/03/2010 22:47

That's it he's hoping you beg him tomorrow as you didn't today. What a tosser. Oh well he'll be disappointed then won't he

therealme · 21/03/2010 22:50

Yeah, well, the lawnmower tomorrow; it will be something in the second drawer on the left under the batteries the day after...

He is going to keep a check on you. He will be waiting for the chink in your resolve that will allow him to worm his way back in. He probably still doesn't believe that you really mean it.

Forthebestagain · 21/03/2010 22:53

The urgent removal of the lawnmower lol. That did make me laugh.
No I dont need to be here. He thinks im going to be at work anyway.

Im feeling ok, its just the parting shot of " weve fucked our kids up, I hope you know that " that is ringing through my ears tonight. I keep going in and kissing them while they sleep.

unlikelyamazonian funnily enough I called him a drama queen tonight and was told No he is just telling me his feelings whereas I am cold and unfeeling.

therealme · 21/03/2010 23:01

Funny enough, whenever I was pushed to the limit and began taking back control of my life I was accused of being cold and unfeeling.
If you put anybody but him first you will be cold and unemotional. Because it is all about him...

mathanxiety · 22/03/2010 04:29

Oh FTBA, I got that parting shot too. I felt as if he had used me as a toilet, he dumped so much shit on me as I drew away from him and wrapped my head around the idea that we had got as far as we were going to go and it was time to stop the madness. The DCs have never looked back. Don't ever be tempted to think there's a shred of anything real or good in this man's heart for your children.

Everyone here is right about what he's doing to you with the constant contact he's maintaining and the constant removal of all that oh so important stuff. When he said you were his life he was telling you the truth he is absolutely desperate to have things all nice and comfy again for himself, with you as the punchbag, him in control. You may not feel this way right now, FTBA, but you are in control. Hang in there and don't second guess yourself. Look at you you're still standing. Well done. XXXXXXXXXXX

Saddest, your post of 20:28 today echoes almost exactly what I experienced with my ex, including the violence against one of my children. He made stuff up about her, (defiance, threats against him, an attempt to hit him -- yeah right) manufactured a huge scene out of nowhere one Easter Sunday, and the upshot was that she swung at him and screamed at him never to lay a hand on her again. His face was white with anger and he was actually frothing at the mouth when he stormed out of the house. I got the 'undermining his authority' speech ad nauseum. What authority? Now he tries to buy the DCs' affection with fizzy drinks and fast food and an endless supply of chocolate cookies when they visit. Worm.

Maggie00 · 22/03/2010 07:43

Very true TRM, about the second drawer on the left and putting anybody but him first being cold and unfeeling.

I think i took my x about 8 months to really grasp that i wasn't coming back ever. You wouldn't think it would take so long....

Isn't it awful (but no coincidence really) how so many of us on this thread were away from home and family when we found ourselves in the middle of tis. Math, TRM and me. I can believe your strength Math and TRM.

Stay strong today FTBA. Rome aka your new life isn't built in a day! If being called cold and unfeeling by him is the price to pay for being free, then so be it. Worse names will come. Then he'll be nice for a while. Then he'll be nasty for a while. Eventually you will get out from under his hold and you won't care or be upset by what he thinks of you. But the time plus distance formula (UA) is a cure. Put as much distance between you as you can.

Maggie00 · 22/03/2010 07:49

FTBA re the kids being "fucked up", my kids were fucked up when we were with xn! Well, the eldest was. She had regressed to wetting her knickers at over 4 and she whinged literally continually. Constant constant whinging. It was very hard to cope with.

About 2 weeks after our 'relocation' she was no longer wetting her knickers and she had stopped whinging too..... Your x may always believe that you've fucked them up though. Mine does. He has said 'it should be criminal what you've done to those kids'. This!, from the guy who knows that there isn't a lot of income in the household and contributes nothing (on a salary of stg90k).

Anniegetyourgun · 22/03/2010 09:06

Turned my back on MN for 24 hours and look: FTB, you did it! Well done. It was the right thing, you know it was. The bit you hated yourself for was the indecisiveness, calling him back, sending mixed messages. You've got past that and he does know where he stands. Not your fault at all if he will not now accept that. And he won't accept it, because it's not in his interests to. That doesn't matter. He still doesn't come in.

It says a wealth about his inner soul that he is collecting everything that his parents paid for, whether or not they will ever be any use to him, even things that were bought for the children. The children don't matter to him. He is the only person who matters to him. (Why the lawnmower? He doesn't even have a lawn! As for the baby clothes etc, words fail me.) You are not at the moment strong enough to say "No, you won't take that, your parents may have bought it but they bought it for this family, not for you personally". That's ok. Things can be replaced. But one day you're going to look back and be really angry at his pettiness. I hope you forgive yourself at that future time for not having stood up to him, as the new strong "you" will be able to. You're so ground down right now, of course you can't fight back, you've done brilliantly to do what you have done. I know it doesn't feel brilliant but it will!

A word on "love". I've said this before on a thread, I'm sure. Self-centred people love others the way a baby loves a teddy-bear, something that is theirs that they can hug or bite or throw around, they'd scream the place down if it was taken away because it is their toy. They do not empathise with it, no-one's going to say don't hurt it, because teddies don't have feelings. Most of us grow out of that phase, learning to treat our parents, siblings, pets with consideration, learning to understand how other people feel, wanting to please them. Ns are stuck in baby/teddy relationships for ever, because they can't make that connection.

And a word on cuddles too. Right now, of course you want a cuddle, it's a horrible life-changing uncertain time for you, and a pair of warm adult arms around you is a huge comfort. (Children's arms around you are totally lovely in quite another way, at least you will still have plenty of that!) But it's all twisted and unhealthy because the comforting arms belong to the person who's hurt you. It's so confusing. Your life partner is the person you should be able to turn to for comfort if it were a properly functioning relationship. But this empty person is just using the illusion of caring to manipulate you. Like watching a good movie, a hug from an abuser is short-term feel-good stuff, but it shouldn't be confused with reality. Hope that makes some sort of sense...

saddest · 22/03/2010 09:51

Annie, you just made me burst into tears.

When I think back over the last seven years, and all the times I needed that hug that never came. Just negating name calling and accusations that I'd brought it all on myself.

All those times when I begged for understanding...right from the beginning!

Before we were living together full time, we had a band rehearsal in his place, I had just received my first (Of many) court orders from first h for custody of ds. He just couldn't compute why I was so upset, and wasn't bouncing happily down to the rehearsal. I remember sitting on the floor of his bedroom, in floods of tears and utterly distraught. And he shouted at me! Fucking twat.

saddest · 22/03/2010 09:53

That's not what he called me....that's what I am calling him now! He called me unprofessional, over emotional, over reacting. I was having threats to have my baby taken away! All he cared about was some two bit cabaret shitty country and western tosser downstairs.

What was I thinking staying with him?

saddest · 22/03/2010 09:56

In fact Annie....thank you.

I was begining to miss him again.

And how come I'nm not in any photos or videos?

toomanystuffedbears · 22/03/2010 15:23

Thanks, Annie.
The Teddy Love explains my N middle sister's "generosity". I was along the line of 'what's in it for her?'...she likes to create obligation-thus a sense of superiority for herself.

But the "teddy love"...I was just an object for her to have her own private love fest- a la her planet. It could have been her neighbor, co-worker, school chum...her dog.

Another piece to the puzzle.

Hi Forthebestagain-I hope you took the day off. Are you doing ok?

Saddest- how are you?

Therealme-Still on the 'silent streak'? Hope so!

toomanystuffedbears · 22/03/2010 15:33

Saddest-on the photographs...

Presently, it hurts because he is saying in a rather tangible way that "you don't exist". My mil refused to put a lovely wedding picture of dh & I on her wall with everyone else's wedding pictures. Ouch.

If you need photos for promotional use, I'd hire someone. Avoid photos with him, kind of tit-for-tat, but do you really want to be associated with him? Your own star will soar without him dragging you down. That is probably a piece of the foundation of his crap: you are better than he is and he can't deal with it except to keep you pressed down (depressed).

In the long run it might be a good thing he has not photographed you.

Sometimes Ns will use photos to reduce someone to 2 dimentions and then do terrible things to the photos. Sounds rather psychotic, I suppose it is.

Bessie123 · 22/03/2010 16:06

Sorry to hijack your thread. I've not posted on here before and I'm not really familiar with NPD - my dp is great and I don't need to use these relationship boards for support. BUT I was interested in how NPD manifests itself and something made me take a look. My uncle makes my mum's life a complete misery (even now, at their age) by his constant bullying, aggression and insistence on getting the last word to the extent of extreme pettiness - he has tried to bankrupt her, get her sent to prison, turn her mother against her, the whole time calling her spiteful, pathetic, nasty, psychotic etc etc. He bombards her with emails every day and throws wild accusations about (he also displays strong grandiosity). He is now on his third marriage, this time to a lovely but meek Korean girl half his age, whose English is not great and who is completely dependant on him (he manipulated her into the marriage but allows his mother to think of her as a gold digger but that's another story). Reading this thread and the really helpful links posted made me realise he has classic NPD. I have emailed my mum the samvak link to read and I hope now we know what is behind all this behaviour we can find more effective ways of stopping it (although it seems there isn't much you can do to stop someone so intent on manipulating and destroying you).

So thankyou very much.

And congratulations on your freedom, FTB

saddest · 22/03/2010 16:22

It's family photo's and videos I am just not in. If he has videod the kids playing, and I was there playing too, or just there, I was never in the shot. I've been looking through...it's extraordinary that I simply do not exist, and haven't for some time.

I remember having a bit of an argument about it, years ago, saying stuff like...."was I not on that holiday then?"

And of course he deliberately obliterated my face on the chalk drwing the kids and I had done of ourselves last week. That really freaked me out. I was there before the school run, and violently scribbled out when I got home with dd.

Having read Patricia Evans latest this weekend, No! that is just it. I don't exist. I am merely a repository for his split off emotions, and when I have any of my own, he feels threatened.

His split off emotions come from being abused as a child almost certainly by his father...which I can see as despite having had strokes, his dad is very aggressive, and always right..even when he is ridiculously wrong.

This also explains why h has no childhood memories, and almost certainly has an eating disorder.

I feel very sorry for him, nut I feel much sorrier for me and my kids who have been hurt so much by someone who....like his dad, cannot be wrong.

Today I ahve spent £500 on upgrading MY studio. Mine! my work my career my income....hooray!!!!!!! Although I did cry a lot this morning and must thank my wonderful frind who was on the end of the phone and got me to go shopping!