Husband furious after I said I would not want him to remarry

[HypotheticalDeath]

A relative of dh passed away 18 months ago. Their partner has just announce their new relationship. I said to Dh ‘that’s quite soon isn’t it ? I’d hate it if I died and you had another relationship’

He took it really badly saying why don’t I want him to be happy? I said ‘Im just being honest? I don’t like the thought of it and if it were down to me I would not want you to but obviously if I’m dead there’s not much I can do about it so you could do what you want!’

He said no I have to say it’s ok otherwise he won’t be able to unless I say I’d want him to be happy. I said it’s not like I’m planning to die so maybe we should end the discussion. He’s still furious.

I then had MIL ask me why id upset him and why was I judging their relative. She told me I need to ‘give my blessing’ so that if anything happens to me dh can move on and be happy! I said absolutely not, I’m allowed my opinion and allowed to say I’d prefer him not to, again I said he can obviously do as he wishes but I’m not going to say I’d be happy about it if it happened.

This is just escalating , his relative was then told I’d said it was a bit soon and is apparently now hurt.

I don’t think I did or said anything terrible ??!

What the actual fuck...
If I die before my partner, he can do literally whatever he wants, he can throw a party for all I care.
I don't care, because I will be dead, dead people generally don't give a shit.
Your feelings are valid but we are adults, we don't have to express/act on all the feelings.

I'm not even sure that's always entirely reasonable. You'd hope he'd put something in place to make sure your DC get a share but if he's built a new life, lived a new lifetime with someone else, why wouldn't he also take care of her and her DC?

That’s a selfish thing to put on your husband. How can you claim to love someone but want them to be alone and miserable if you’re not around any more?

And making judgemental comments about other people’s relationships is shitty behaviour too.

OP, if you love them them you want them to be happy. Yabu.

Imagine his mum getting involved oh my god

I think this is objectively a stupid thing to argue about, but I also think your position is startlingly selfish. You're essentially saying that you want the remainder of your husband's life to be sadder and lonelier in perpetuity. Why? I find it baffling. Is it jealousy? Do you not like him much?

If I died I would absolutely want my husband to find love again. Our marriage has been a source of huge joy, happiness and comfort to us both. I would never want him to be deprived of those things if he had the option to remarry someone he loved.

Few people plan to die, but 100% of us do. Out of you and your husband, one of you will die first. It's a lousy thing to say to anyone - that if you weren't here, their life should stop.

Why on earth would you want your husband to live a life unloved, lonely and miserable if you die?

I mean I wouldn’t give a fuck if my husband had given his blessing or not, he’d be dead.

You are all being a bunch of doofuses: Your husband for making a fuss, your MIL for getting involved - wtf! - and, above all, you for not simply saying "Of course I'd like you to meet someone if I die. It's painful for me to think of now, but once I'm gone I don't want you to be lonely and unhappy for the rest of your life.'

I mean, come on, how hard is it to say that for your husband's sake?

That’s really shitty of you, saying you would prefer him to be unhappy than happy.

i would think on a bit and maybe come to a different conclusion…

They are all as bonkers as each other!

You’re mad at your husband because he’s going to cheat on you after you pass away?

do you get mad at him if his horoscope says he’s about to meet his soulmate?

I truly think that’s an awful, awful thing to have said to him. Imagine the scenario; he’s grieving, desperately missing you and going through all that spousal bereavement brings. Later, when time has passed, he meets someone who brings light into his life and mixed in with his feelings of happiness are feelings of extreme guilt.

Just awful OP. I would apologise.

😂

I lived through that same scenario. My DH passed away suddenly and around a year later l met someone. I knew l was nowhere near ready for a relationship but we became friends and moved at my pace. I don’t think it’s anyone else’s place to judge what is and isn’t too soon. Anyway, two years later we were married. I knew my DH wouldn’t have wanted me to spend the rest of my life alone and that made the transition a little easier, although it remains the most difficult thing l’ve ever done. Sorry OP but I think it was a mean trick you pulled to actually voice that thought. You never know what’s round the corner in life and if the worst should happen you’ve left him with no hope for a future without you.

Obviously Chase

Wow. Your poor husband. Serious head wobble and an apology due. And zip it in future if this comes up again.

It sounds like he definitely wants someone else if you die OP.

Possibly an indication of how upset he is about the comment. He’s clearly taken it to heart.

Fundamentally you’ve taken an utterly selfish,unkind and frankly batshit stance on a hypothetical issue.
But it’s shown you in an incredibly unflattering light and I’m not really surprised that your husband is hurt and angry. If the situation was reversed I’m certain you’d be wanting him to declare he wanted nothing but happiness for you and he’d want you to move on

But why would I lie?

I’ve not said he can’t or that I expect him not to. I fully expect he probably would but I’ve just said honestly that the thought of it makes me really sad . It’s just the truth ?

That was a horrible thing to say about the relative and worse thing to say to your partner. Are you oblivious to how selfish your views are? Focusing entirely on yourself and not the other person's needs.

Some of these threads lately feel quite rage-baity.

what happens if he dies before you, and you met someone you wanted to be with?

I genuinely hope you live a long and happy life together, but tbh you do sound selfish

It sounds ridiculous that you’re arguing over something that may not happen or may not happen for a very long time, and you won’t know any different anyway because you’ll be dead. And I can’t believe MIL got involved.