Did the wife find out about your affair with a married man?

[GenEx]

It seems to be affair confessional central here tonight.

If you were an unmarried woman having an affair with a married man did he get away with it or did his wife find out?

I have no skin in the game - just nosiness about the hidden volume of secrets out there. And obviously anyone could write any old rubbish.

Maybe but she made it known when she’s found out about affairs in the past.

I doubt it very much. Not sure he’d have the stamina for it at the age he is now.

When in my early 20’s I was sleeping with a married woman at work who was in her 40’s. Few times we were out for work drinks she opened up that her and her husband hadn’t slept together in ages and he had lost interest. He eventually found out and they stayed together and they no longer had the issues they previously had

I still hope for her sake that you and her DH use condoms.

It would have been helpful for you to word your post clearly.

I don't understand why a woman would go after married man or tolerate him propositioning her. Why would you want crumbs from someone who has made a life with someone else?

This was when I was a little kid, I didn’t understand what was happening at the time but I remember the fall out.

One of the dads was shagging one of the woman who worked at the nursery my mum worked at. My mum had heard of the affair, but preferred to stay out of “the drama”. Basically the wife came in and absolutely lamped the OW in front of two small kids. The police had to be called and my mum was late picking me up from school and I thought she had abandoned me. The married couple stayed together but they moved across the country. The woman who was having the affair quit the job.

I did know someone who had an affair for this reason. They lived in Austria, the man was sent by his wife to see a psychotherapist because he was unhappy. He told the therapist that his wife wasn’t interested in sex, the therapist, who was male, told him to take a mistress. He did.

I live in the US. In one of the few states that
supports suing for “criminal conversation” AKA “Alienation of Affection”. As if if your spouse holds no responsibility for breaking their vows, but their affair partner is totally to blame. I had a friend at work who had an affair with a man in another department. His wife sued and won. My friend had to pay the wife about $1,200 a month for several years. He faced no consequences. My friend was wrong and she paid dearly for it. The guy ultimately divorced that wife and married again for the third time (not my friend). Within 3 years, he divorced her too. Women are always blamed and punished. Men, not so much.

That was abolished in the UK over a hundred years ago, but it was the husband who would sue the other man, because his property, the wife, had been devalued. Which I suppose is another indication to the PP asking if people have no morals “these days” that there have always been complications in marriages.

Nothing new under the sun,

People can rationalize anything if it benefits them.

My husband rejected me for years due to his online porn addiction. I blamed myself until I realized it had nothing to do with me, it was about his immaturity and inability to engage in genuine intimacy. I haven’t had an affair, but if I ever do, I will feel no guilt or remorse whatsoever.

I know a few women who have fairly frequent affairs. They are single, but enjoy relationships with married men. All of them have chronically low self esteem, lack of family support, and a desperate need for validation. Having a man who is prepared to risk his marriage somehow makes them feel they are “better” than his wife, which gives them the ego boost they crave. I just feel sad for them. These “relationships” just do them further harm and none of them are truly happy. They’ve been found out a few times, and usually get ditched. No married man has ever left his wife for them and I don’t actually think, despite what they say, they would want him to. They don’t actually want the man, they want the feeling of being “special” but of course, they aren’t and they know it. All very messy and quite tragic for them and the wives affected.

One thing that’s becoming obvious from this thread, is that OW appear to believe everything their MM/AP tell them, despite the fact they know this person is lying to someone else.

People never struggle to understand why men have affairs, only women...

You're assuming that they want more than "crumbs", and consider the affair itself to be "crumbs" but many OW on here are clear that they don't. Sure, some want him to leave his wife for them, but plenty don't and are getting what they want. I don't condone it at all but I do think it's funny that nobody ever wonders why a man might want uncommitted, illicit, part time sex without all the domestic stuff, but it's so puzzling when a woman does.

ETA: I remember reading an article by an OW years and years ago. Her AP was wealthy and she said something like, "I get gifts and dates in Mayfair restaurants and great sex and conversation and he doesn't care if I see other people. Why does everyone assume I must be miserable if I can't wash his pants too?" or words to that effect. I thought she sounded fucking awful (even aside from the affair she really didn't come across well), but I could see her point here.

That means that three kids are half-siblings. Do the kids meet up?

My dc no nothing of our relationship or of any half siblings.