Did the wife find out about your affair with a married man?

[GenEx]

It seems to be affair confessional central here tonight.

If you were an unmarried woman having an affair with a married man did he get away with it or did his wife find out?

I have no skin in the game - just nosiness about the hidden volume of secrets out there. And obviously anyone could write any old rubbish.

This all just feels very sad and grubby.

Friend had an affair for 15 years with a guy who was senior in the forces. Probably still is as I lost touch. She was adamant the wife didn’t know….but I think she didn’t care if the wife knew.friend had been to formal things as his plus one so his colleagues knew. All a bit awful really.

dhs aunt had multiple affairs through her marriage, her husband kept taking her back.

in my 20s, nothing special, hit upon multiple times by married blokes at work.

I feel sorry for the women/men being cheated on. It can do so much damage to a person for years to come.
Even worse when there are children involved!

I had an affair with a married man. Three years later and I’m still so disappointed in myself but things happen and you can’t help who you fall in love with I guess. He is actually the boss of my partner. So that’s a bit awkward.
I met him up at a farm where I had my animals, horses, sheep etc. He lived in a lodge/caravan with other workers who all worked away a couple hours from home.
He was 20 years older than me and we started out just being friends however after a couple of years things changed. It went on for two to three years. He was married and had children at home. He said they were both very unhappy and hadn't even slept in the same bed as each other in 2 years. They were together for the kids basically. I was friends with the man who owned the farm at the time, he was friendly with all the workmen and he told me the children had said about their mum always having a man round at the house. So god knows what was happening there.
He always said to me if he was younger he would have left his marriage for me. I actually wish he had left his marriage for his children. They should be seeing both parents happy. They obviously never have which is sad.
His wife never found out about us.
I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now. I have never had a good solid relationship so feel so lucky to have met him. Always waiting for karma to come back around and bite me on the arse.

the wife of a friend had several affairs, eventually divorced and she moved out of the martial home and her kids don’t speak to her anymore

Affair with a married man for 3 years, I think his wife found out something and they 'split' and started living separate lives but still living together. It was all very odd, sometimes I'd feel like we were something then other times it was very clear I was a dirty little secret. I walked away and told him he needed to choose, as far as I know they're still 'apart together' like in some kind of limbo. It was a headfuck and can only imagine what it was like for his wife

ETA there were no children involved, not that that makes it better, but non to use as an excuse to stay

The husband of a school mum I know on good authority (but third hand) to have had an affair with another mum. The affair mum told her husband, they’re working on the marriage. The cheating husband almost certainly has not told his (lovely) wife. And probably at it with someone else.

😄

Do you want children? I am assuming you don't already have any and are young if there's 30 years between you.

I had an 8 month affair with a married man.

He told me that he'd had a previous affair several years earlier and that his wife had found out about it and took him back. I asked him if she'd take him back again and he said no. I asked him if we were worth it and he just looked at me.

He ended up ghosting me unexpectedly. I could have told his wife but I didn't and never had any intention of doing so. No idea whether he told her. I think they're still married.

Why wouldn't you cheat with anyone else? What's the difference? Do you think "the man you are with" would agree that this difference is pertinent?

Of the affairs I’ve known about it’s difficult to be sure.

In one, the wife told a friend that she was pretty sure and the man said to his affair partner that he guessed that she knew. Neither spoke about it to each other and I didn’t know anyone involved well enough to ask further.

With another, the married couple eventually separated and really the affair seems to have a sort of grey area that fudged the ending of the marriage. The affair partner and the married man then married each other and have been together so long most people don’t know what happened decades ago. I only found out years later from inadvertent comments by someone who’d known them all at the time. He was referring to the fact that he’d known all 4 well and it had been an awkward situation (“hairy”) to negotiate.

I know that people on here say that once a cheater, always a cheater. I’ve known a couple of men like that but in the vast majority of cases that wasn’t true.

I know that people on here say that once a cheater, always a cheater. I’ve known a couple of men like that but in the vast majority of cases that wasn’t true.

It's not true of most of the cases I know about either. And of the men I know who married their APs, all of them are still married and I'm not aware of any further affairs, despite that spiteful, sexist saying.

Which the OW obviously deliberately left there to be found by the wife.
Nice.

I know that people on here say that once a cheater, always a cheater. I’ve known a couple of men like that but in the vast majority of cases that wasn’t true.

yeah I know 2 women who have had affairs and both have eventually got divorced and ended up with someone else, bit of a shit way to end a marriage really-

Why is "once a cheater, always a cheater" sexist?

Exactly, surely the saying would apply to both sexes.

I have been in a "relationship" with a married man for the last 12 years. His wife does know, she has found out multiple times but always makes excuses for him.

Do I love him.......yes
Do I think he will ever leave his wife.......no

We have had periods where contact has been cut but he always always gets back in touch with me. It's sad really, moreso for him than for me as I am living a pretty good life. Single (I don't date other men) and pretty much do as I please. I do enjoy staying in touch with him but I don't see him anymore after the last cutting of contact when he got back in touch I told him that I won't ignore him but I have no interest in a romantic/physical relationship with him unless he was to be single. I felt bad for his wife at first but not for years now. I fare much better when we are not talking than he does, as I have a full and busy life. He is pretty miserable but unless he grows some balls and take control of his own life, then that's never going to change.

Maybe they were meaning

marrying the mistress creates a vacancy?

It's not that, it's the one about creating a vacancy. Don't worry, moderate knows what I'm talking about (and will be attempting an endless derail in 3, 2, 1...). Some people desperately wish it to be reliably true but sadly for them, it simply isn't. They think it is because they think all cheaters and all affairs are exactly the same and again, they simply aren't.

I dumped OM and he found another OW. When he dumped her she had known all about me and emailed the dw and told her everything.
All 3 of us have dc to him.

Dw knows about mine but not sure about the other one..
Here's hoping the name change worked!
.

Maybe, although it's a bit weird saying "that saying" in reply to a saying and meaning something other than the referent.

The extent to which "Marrying the mistress creates a vacancy" is sexist is that it contains a term about a woman for which there is no equivalent term about a man. (You'd have to say "Marrying a cheating man creates a vacancy".)

It implies that only men cheat in a serial fashion. Not quite sure whether that's sexist towards men or towards women.

You think you're much closer to the centre of the universe than you actually are.

My first husband had affairs during our marraige. We had 2 kids together, i always suspected he was cheating , but i had no proof. Eventually , he fell in love with a woman 17 years younger than him . She already had 2 young children and they had 2 together. They got married and seemed happy, then she left him, before covid , and their 2 young daughters. She went off with some young guy she met at the gym . There was talk of cheating on both sides before the split

Right, this is getting too complicated for me, I will stick to simply reading this thread.