Husband blocked me after he dumped me. What to do from here

[Annabel20]

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. My husband left me out of the blue (we have 2 DD’s). He says he still loves me but he wants to forget me and move on. He has also said he wants to start dating but he doesn’t have anyone yet although he’s open to finding someone and remarrying and having more children. He then blocked me on WhatsApp so I can’t even call him about the children. I’m heartbroken I can’t stop crying. How can he say he loves me then block me and say he wants to move on. Surely if he loved me he wouldn’t be looking to be with anyone else? Also how can he block me when we have children. Please advise I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown. How can he be so cruel. How do men do this I don’t understand how can he think he can just dump his family like we’re nothing and go start again. I’m a young mum by the way and I have no support at all 😭

Find your anger over how he’s treated his children. The more you think about that, the less you’ll realise the trash has taken itself out.

If you have time, I'd suggest that you read the threads by Mummy917, her story started in a similar way back in May, it's been amazing to see how she's grown stronger over the months, but still has wobbles. Sadly, her exDH has got worse. First thread is here: www.mumsnet.com/talk/divorce_separation/5529273-husband-wants-to-split-up-and-i-have-been-totally-blindsided

Go and apply for CMS if he won’t pay they’ll take it from his salary.

He'll be in Dubai so they won't.

Id be tempted to to pretend to want to get back together just to get assess / info

also make it clear your dad wont help

What a cold heartedly vicious bastard. This may hammer you financially, but I cannot help but think that psychologically you will be better without this monstrous man in your life.

I have nothing to add to the solid advice you've been given, but just wanted to say, there is a certain kind of bacteria which causes a man's penis to rot and fall off. That is what I'm manifesting hard for him. Never have I wished dick-rot upon someone more.

The best revenge will be you and your daughters having an amazing life without him. Oh and get a hunky new boyfriend and make sure he sees on socials - men like this always get jealous.

Definitely get yourself a good solicitor - preferably a female one.
Do not let him wriggle out of his financial obligations. I would definitely be honest with the kids - maybe when a bit older but they have a right to know he left them high and dry.

See if you can get him nabbed before he leaves for Dubai.

Only read first page and all your posts OP so apologies if I'm repeating a PP, but if you can manage financially without your ex I would focus on getting full legal custody of your children (on grounds of abandonment) to make sure any contact he has with them in future is on your terms.

You don't want him swanning back in after a few months/years when he realises he's been a dick and demanding 50/50.

OP, you're not an idiot, you trusted your husband, he is the idiot. Please dont blame yourself for trusting and loving someone, its not your fault hes done this.

I cant help with the money side at all, but I would be onto a solicitor to see what my rights are. Surely if you were married you're entitled to something, even if hes moved it abroad.

I would fill in CMS right this second, it'll take them a while to locate him, tell them his phone number, email, work address, anywhere he may be staying. Do that right this second so then its done.

Don't contact him again (other than any legal stuff you may need to do). Don't beg, cry to him, try to appeal to a better side to him. Hes a twat and this is him. My partner left me and our child abruptly one morning out of the blue and he doesnt see our child, i am so glad I didnt beg, even though it was so hard not to!

Keep busy with your babies, cry when you need to, spend time with family and friends.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, sending you so much love, you and your children deserve so much more x

OP congratulations, I think your soon to be ex husband just won c**t of the month, if not the year.

I'm glad you're getting angry. Get the injunction, involve the police, take your father's help and light a fire under the man if you can.

More importantly though, have a fabulous future minus this dead weight but with your kids. The best revenge is a life well lived.

Goodness me! What awful behaviour. While I hope he comes to his senses about supporting his children, as time passes it will become easier for you to see him for what he appears to be - a man who isn’t good enough for you and can’t give you the support you deserve. It’s all very early days though so I appreciate that it absolutely will not feel like this right now.

Is this behaviour out of character? I ask on the (slim) chance that he could actually be unwell. It sounds like it’s all happened very quickly and has been a complete shock to you. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.

As others have said, do take legal advice asap.

I know you probably aren't thinking of this, but please listen to what many people are telling you on MN. You need to get money from him, your father isn't responsible for his grandchildren, their father is. Telephone child maintenance giving as much information as you have about him, his place of work, position, salary etc. He cannot walk away and drop his responsibilities, how dare he. You need legal advice too. He has had time to plan this, you haven't, please seek legal advice asap. Believe me, he isn't who you thought he was. Your priority is your children and you. My ex worked away from home & just never turned up at the airport when me & our dc went to collect him as he was home for xmas. Never saw him again. He stayed abroad, so didn't have to pay child support or anything. I had loads of hassle with the house , & allsorts, he just completely cut off contact. I know you will be thinking he would never do that to you, look what he has done already. You look after you, no one else will. I wish you so much luck, l really do

What is your and your children’s relationship like with his parents? My PIL would be utterly horrified if my DH ever behaved like this and would be devastated at the prospect of losing touch with their grandchildren - I’m sure they would put a lot of pressure on him to behave better. Perhaps your PIL would too?

Either way I know it’s unbearable now but in a few years you will be glad to be rid of him. What a bastard xx

Yes, and don't ever let it go. Fight for every single £ he owes.

Get legal advice NOW.

I’m so sorry op. He is behaving like a teenager. He can’t walk away from his responsibilities when he has children. I wonder why this is about money for him! It doesn’t matter that your dad is wealthy. Technically he has stolen a lot of money from you that he was clearly planning. Your children must be confused too. As others have said solicitor and cms. I would be so angry I would fight it all the way for your children’s sakes if not for yours. Plus he is in the wrong!

I am so sorry you are going through this.

There has been so much good advice. One thing I would bear in mind is that although he is talking about Dubai now, he might not be there forever so even if you can’t get access to money now, it’s worth laying the groundwork for if he comes back.

I don’t know if a court would be able to award you a settlement and it’s owed to you in case he either comes back or the money comes from an inheritance? This money is money owed to you and your children

The tenancy is in my name only thankfully

He sent a message through his sister saying he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. He also wants us to go live with him. I have no idea what that means but the psychopath can forget about that. He is leaving me time to think and said he intends to pay the rent (5k a month) and send a further 3.7k a month for living costs and pay half the private school fees of my girls so 26k a year (basically he pays 1 child’s fees and I pay the other). I have no idea where he got these figures from but he said he will wait for me to decide if I still want him and do this in the meantime. I have already consulted a divorce lawyer and will file today although he has no idea about that

5k a month rent! , cant u move somewhere cheaper! He won't pay it or send u any money

Annabel let him send the money, it's for your children.
I'm so glad you spoke to a solicitor yesterday.
I hope you told your family too.

You have girls and it's very important you show them that you are a strong woman. If you have a few tears I suggest you say ' I will miss daddy but he's not being very nice and that's not fair on mummy'. No need for anymore.

Fwiw my aforementioned bff left her millionaire DH when her girls were 8 & 9. She never saw a penny as she was so frightened of him. He had tried to kill her so I understand that.
She's from a wealthy family and has had the last laugh. He didn't age well and only one daughter speaks to him. He doesn't get to see his DGD.
My friend has just bought a boutique hotel and he's fuming.

Now he wants you to go live with him in Dubai??
Is this a trick - to keep you hanging on in limbo and stop you starting the divorce process?
It doesn't sound like you're considering it, but be very wary of him trying to get you and the DC out there. You will not be able to bring your DC home without his permission.

You can't trust him.

Definitely don’t go to Dubai. You might not be be able to bring DC home if you leave him

Is there anything to be gained in stringing him along for a bit? I formation you can get. A way to delay him moving? Paperwork you can get? Meanwhile continuing to act accordingly. He’s just trying to delay you.