Am I overreacting to being excluded from a family holiday spa day

[AvidQuoter]

Long story short, I’ve been excluded from a spa day while on a family holiday. Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

I’m from a family who is always inclusive so I think that’s maybe where my hurt stems from. I’ve been married to my husband for 15 years and he’s the youngest of 4.

We’re all off in a family holiday, grandparents too and one of the mornings his sisters and mum are all going on a spa day and I wasn’t invited. His mum doesn’t know anything about the plans but his sisters have organised it as girls only while the husbands look after all the kids.

It’s been specified to my husband on their “sisters and brother” WhatsApp group twice that then invite list is just them and my MIL (their mum). But after their spa morning we will all go out as full families, with partners and children for dinner.

I’m quite upset about it. My husband isn’t confrontational in the slightest so although he says he feels bad for me being left out he refuses to say anything. I know I won’t go regardless now and so I might just be being a bit petty about it but I had hoped he might at least say to his mum (who I’m close with) that I was a bit upset not to be included. He doesn’t want to involve his mum because he knows she would be horrified and he doesn’t want to confront his sisters either.

When I expressed to him that I’m a bit upset that he wouldn’t at least mention it to his mum, he’s shouted at me saying he’s not like me, and he’s sick of his family politics. So I’ve apologised to him and said I’ll not mention it again.

what are your thoughts?

That is very hurtful op.

Are you the only adult woman not invited or is there another SIL excluded?

Doesn’t make it ok, it’s rude to do a mother and daughter thing on a family holiday, but slightly less rude if it’s not just you excluded.

If your MIL is well mannered she’ll likely mention at some point to one of her DD’s or your DH about you not being there and will know you were excluded. In her shoes I’d be pissed off at the rudeness

It’s not a sibling and mum day though, it’s a girls only day

It’s not being confrontational for your hubby to simply say “what about my wife”!
I'd be hurt too but there has to be more to this surely??

I really don't understand why people post this kind of stuff twice.

@AvidQuoter, it could be that that one sister has caused the exclusion and the others go along for an easy life.

Don’t give her the satisfaction. Maintain good relations with the family and present to them that you understand that they want to spend time with their mum.

Can you do something nice with MIL on your own at a later date, go out to lunch?

I haven’t seen the other thread.

I think it is mean of them. I would book myself a few hours in the spa tomorrow on my own.

I think it is mean of them. I would book myself a few hours in the spa tomorrow on my own.

@JustAnotherWhinger i am the only female adult not invited.

I’d be annoyed at your dhs attitude. From that alone I’d be tempted not to go tbh. But if you do go make some do plans on that day so you are not stuck with the men and the kids all day.

To avoid becoming default childcare for all their kids, take yourself off to do something else.

If his mum doesn’t know anything about the plans why do you want your DH to speak to her? Surely that’s just going to spoil the surprise.

Also, @BitterTits has the best advice. Make sure you’re busy yourself so that you’re not the one lumbered with all the kids!

So it’s a treat for MIL, who your DH thinks would be horrified at you being excluded?

That’s a crap treat!

Did you post about this before? If not another poster in a very similar situation.

Is this the same 2 sisters from Australia with one celebrating a big birthday? Going to the spa and expecting their husbands and you to entertain the kids at soft play?

Oh come on… this is shit of the sisters to exclude the only other female of the group.

IIRC that was the advice given when she posted about this before. Or just don't go on the holiday.

I can see how the SiL would be thinking of it as a mother daughter day, but it’s pretty crappy to organize that when you’re on holiday with other women.

I don’t know that I’d be upset about it, exactly, and I certainly wouldn’t be pushing my DH to try and get me an invite. I’d just readjust my idea of who these people are and make future plans accordingly- which almost certainly would not involve going on holiday with them again and might not involve going along to things they expect me at on this holiday if I could think of anything I would rather do.

I’d see it as a good opportunity for you to do something with your husband / kids (if you have them) away from the group!

Did you not get enough answers when you posted before?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5558009-am-i-being-silly-to-feel-hurt-by-my-sil

If my kids marry when they grow up, and I get any daughters in law, or sons in law, I'll treat them as complete equals. There's no way I'd go on holiday in a group and miss one person out. Unless you haven't treated her well in the past, and the sisters are trying to get back at you, this is awful.

This is so tasteless and crass, tbh I’d barely speak to them after it. who has a mum and daughters day when you're on holiday with other women too…. Awful behaviour.

If you’re close to your MIL, surely she’ll ask her daughters where you are? Wonder what they’ll say.