Struggling with boyfriend keeping weekends free in case his children visit

[Rosiecidar]

So I have been dating a very wonderful man for about 2 months. He has two children who are 19 and 15 Officially they live with their mother and her partner but understandably they visit my bf when they please. The problem I have is that as much as I like him I am finding it really difficult as he won’t make firm plans between Thursday and Sunday evening in case his children decide to come over either together or separately for the weekend . He says he cannot go out. On one weekend the children were going out on their own on Saturday and he suggested meeting but would only confirm meeting me once they had physically left as he said he did not know when they would go. I find it really uncomfortable as he frames it as spending time with his children whereas I see it as managing time so they get to spend time together as a father and children unit and nurturing a relationship which he says he really wants. In two months we have not spent a whole day together. I think it’s a really good quality he is such an invested father, however I can’t see why he cannot tell his children he is spending Friday evening or Saturday evening with me now and then.he says it will change when school/university resumes but I can’t really see how it will as the key factor is the weekends when certainly the younger child can visit . I’m not sure what to do.

@Rosiecidar if you’re still listening (and bothering with him!). My take on it, as a divorced dad with kids, is that it seems like he really doesn’t know how to introduce a girlfriend into his kids lives. If he’s only had one relationship in 8 years before you and he wasn’t bold enough to introduce them to the kids etc….Im guessing that from your earlier posts about his previous relationship.

Three months and it’s still very very early days……but……and this is a huge one…..his kids are 15 and 19. If he had good relationship with them then they would both understand he has a life beyond them. Hopefully they’d even be happy (or at least accepting) he was moving on from his mum that had happily coupled up with someone else.

if they’re not those type of kids…I don’t know. It’s hard when you’re not seen as the ‘primary’ parent. Or you think you’re not.

Otherwise he just needs to remember a gf/partner needs to be respected just as much.

Is he really that lovely?

Yes