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Original poster

Struggling with boyfriend keeping weekends free in case his children visit

194 replies

Rosiecidar · 03/08/2026 17:54

So I have been dating a very wonderful man for about 2 months. He has two children who are 19 and 15 Officially they live with their mother and her partner but understandably they visit my bf when they please. The problem I have is that as much as I like him I am finding it really difficult as he won’t make firm plans between Thursday and Sunday evening in case his children decide to come over either together or separately for the weekend . He says he cannot go out. On one weekend the children were going out on their own on Saturday and he suggested meeting but would only confirm meeting me once they had physically left as he said he did not know when they would go. I find it really uncomfortable as he frames it as spending time with his children whereas I see it as managing time so they get to spend time together as a father and children unit and nurturing a relationship which he says he really wants. In two months we have not spent a whole day together. I think it’s a really good quality he is such an invested father, however I can’t see why he cannot tell his children he is spending Friday evening or Saturday evening with me now and then.he says it will change when school/university resumes but I can’t really see how it will as the key factor is the weekends when certainly the younger child can visit . I’m not sure what to do.

OP posts:
desperatemum1234 · 03/08/2026 23:16

This man is not available. He is not dating or relationship material. He has other priorities - absolutely fine, but no good for you. Move on, OP.

OneTealMentor · 03/08/2026 23:20

Sadly, I think this is a clear cut example of "he's just not into you". I think you need to move on sharpish

Rondayvu · 03/08/2026 23:20

He is not your boyfriend.
This is not a relationship.

Honestly if it is true then leave him off with his life and find someone more compatible but I personally think it is a pile of horseshit and he is no more spending all this time with his adult kids morelike dating other women. Do not let him keep you as a bedwarmer once a week, find someone who values you.

UnintentionalArcher · 03/08/2026 23:37

Rosiecidar · 03/08/2026 19:47

Spending all the weekend from Weds or Thursday… I don’t think my request for one evening is unreasonable. But you’re right I shouldn’t see him if he can’t manage to see value in a relationship.

Show quote history

I think the very short time you’ve been dating puts a different slant on this. I would (personally) accept this for longer if I liked him and was happy with other aspects of the burgeoning relationship. He’s showing a strong commitment to his children, perhaps more so just now as they’ve recently been on holiday. Ideally he might fix a time to see you occasionally at a weekend but I wouldn’t see this as a negative (other than inconvenient for me) at such an early stage.

Two months is nothing at all in dating terms. Yes, some people do meeting their life partners and get married in that time, but in most cases it’s very, very early days.

i think the question of whether he’s being unreasonable (he isn’t) has to be separated from the question of whether or not you’re happy to wait for more time with him. If you’re not, that’s fine.

Friendlygingercat · 04/08/2026 00:46

I agree with most PP on this thread. Its good to see a dad taking responsibility for his children. I could see the relevance if they were much younger and less able to handle disappointment of dad not being there. However one is an adult and the other a teen. They are old enough to discuss and make social arrangements. If they want to drop in unexpectedly here is this thing called text.

This shows where you are in the hierarchy of his interest and the fact that he has an avoidant personality. You should look elsewhere f you want more commitment and some order in your social life.

mathanxiety · 04/08/2026 03:13

Rosiecidar · 03/08/2026 21:06

I’m surprised, they don’t seem to have friends. The older one seems to go to the cinema, restaurants, you name it with him, he has never mentioned her spending time with friends. Maybe that’s why he is so protective and consumed ?

Show quote history

Or maybe, given the Thursday to Sunday interdiction on meeting up, he's a married man whose wife believes he works away from Monday to Wednesday...

user1492757084 · 04/08/2026 03:38

It's a new relationship.

Your boyfriend likes being available for his kids during the holidays and he likes to be honest. Probably doesn't want to talk about a new girlfriend until you are more solid.

Once he is certain of your relationship and the holidays are over it will be easier for you to see each other and assess the future.

Yetone · 04/08/2026 04:03

I think you should have a conversation with him and tell him that the relationship is not if he doesn’t want to see you at the weekend. Really in 2 months, you can’t have had many dates.

iamnotalemon · 04/08/2026 04:13

I can see your point, it sounds really frustrating - especially if the plans to see you on those days are always last minute. It would be different if they are young children.

99bottlesofkombucha · 04/08/2026 04:29

He doesn’t sound relationship ready. I’d soft exit by making all the weekend plans for things you want to do and not including him in any thing that wants booking or prepaying; plan it with friends. Theatre, dinner. And if he ends up free say well we didn’t book for you because you can’t commit until the last minute. And if he’s grumpy you’re booked say did you want me to sit home staring at the wall every weekend? You won’t commit to plans with me, but other people value me more than that.

Sorehandsandfeet · 04/08/2026 05:11

Good god there's some naiveté on this thread. So, he can guarantee his children won't need him on a Tuesday or Wednesday but not a Thursday or Friday? I'm sure his children have keys and can let themselves in to his house if they just decide to come over when he has a date with you. They have rooms? They can stay there until he returns?

Have you been to his house?
Have you met his friends or family?

Him not wanting to see you does not make him a 'good father'

You are not long into this situation so I understand you are giving him the benefit of the doubt but be on alert and know your worth. A man should prioritise their children but being unable to ever make a weekend plan 'in case' they need him is weird, they have mobile phones, he can be there in an emergency. My opinion is that he is married or is in a relationship with someone else and using his kids as an excuse.

ImmortalSnowman · 04/08/2026 05:37

Rosiecidar · 03/08/2026 21:14

I don’t, if he can’t commit to the weekend, I just do my own thing, see friends etc. But part of me feels disappointed that I can’t share experiences with him.

Show quote history

You'd be in the same situation if he had his kids every weekend from Thursday to Sunday evening. When they were younger that may have been the arrangement and he doesn't want to change that for them, especially for a woman he has just met.

You barely know this man, he is prioritising his kids, he's not that into you. It's been two months, not two years. Say it's not working out for you and move on.

Zanatdy · 04/08/2026 05:47

I think its fair enough he doesn’t want to make plans as he would rather see his DC. Better not making them than letting you down and cancelling. That said you don’t need to be ok about it, and I agree he shouldn’t have started a relationship. Did you meet online dating? Was he actively looking for a relationship?

WhistlerKimono · 04/08/2026 05:49

Rosiecidar · 03/08/2026 20:55

Maybe he shouldn’t have started the relationship ?

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But you can only control your own actions. Your choices are to end it or not end it. He’s not going to reinvent his life for someone he’s been bating for weeks.

muddyford · 04/08/2026 06:17

Hmm. So he never goes anywhere at the weekend in case they call round? Never texts them to say he's meeting a friend on Saturday but will be around Sunday? I don’t think he's that bothered about you, I'm afraid.

Likeiloveyou · 04/08/2026 06:32

It doesn’t sound like he’s that interested in a romantic relationship, and probably shouldn’t have embarked on one.

His way of living doesn’t allow him to see friends or do anything at weekends other than sit around waiting for his DC.

It would be perfectly reasonable, given their ages, to say “I’m about all weekend except for Friday night/Saturday afternoon/whatever.” He doesn’t want to do that.

I would put him on the back burner.

DozyCrow · 04/08/2026 06:34

Sounds like this man isn't ready to be dating if he can only offer a few evenings midweek. Having been 8 years since he and their mum split, his kids should be able to appreciate him moving on with a new person (as their mum has), and him putting occasional things in the calendar when they can't visit.

PinkEasterbunny · 04/08/2026 06:37

DozyCrow · 04/08/2026 06:34

Sounds like this man isn't ready to be dating if he can only offer a few evenings midweek. Having been 8 years since he and their mum split, his kids should be able to appreciate him moving on with a new person (as their mum has), and him putting occasional things in the calendar when they can't visit.

Absolutely this

MyDpsanarse · 04/08/2026 07:28

Was he honest when you started dating Op, did he say he was only available early in the week_ I don't imagine he did. He may be a lovely man but he'd be a much better friend than a BF

Dozer · 04/08/2026 08:03

Even for initial dates and getting to know each other wouldn’t want to date a man who was only willing to meet during the week. Might work for some people, but not you.

You can’t know whether he is ‘wonderful’ or a ‘good father’: you don’t know him well yet.

Dozer · 04/08/2026 08:06

My DC were troubled and challenging to parent at those ages. It’s not a given that DC will be doing their own things, well etc.

But if he wants to date he’s not offering much to potential girlfriends.

Poppystone · 04/08/2026 08:14

IME this is a very common trait in men who left the family home. I know lots of middleaged fathers, who live at the beck and call of adult children, often children well into adulthood, dropping everything to help with anything from DIY to childcare to an airport run.

It won't change, only become more frustrating as the DC get older and he feels more grateful for any time he gets with them.

TickedOffAndALittleFedUp · 04/08/2026 08:14

Rosiecidar · 03/08/2026 18:10

I think he does but he says they also charge their plans, I understand that and I think they shouldn’t need to book time to come home but equally I think he can say ‘ I have arranged to go out on Saturday’

Show quote history

This exactly. As the owner of adult and teenage kids they are extremely prone to a change of plan and also rarely pay attention to what I'm doing and perfectly able to chill on their own if I'm out for the day. Either your man is not ready to be dating or he's playing some kind of game, either way it sounds like hard work 2 months in and unless you want a part time relationship I'd pass on that.

cloudtreecarpet · 04/08/2026 08:15

It's not worth the effort with a man like this. He clearly just wants something very casual & occasional and maybe just seeing you once a week & having sex then is enough for him.

He has clearly spent 8 years living this way, probably seeing his kids nearly all weekend when they were younger, and he doesn't know how or want to change it.

Whatever his reasons, at two months in, you aren't that committed or in that deep so I would mark it up to experience and walk away.

Ilovelurchers · 04/08/2026 08:23

I'm a bit surprised by the level of condemnation of this guy on here - he is trying to be a good dad I think, in what sounds like a tricky situation (if his kids won't commit to any fixed time to see him), and is correctly prioritising his kids over someone he has briefly been dating.

OP, you describe him as a "wonderful man" - how can you know that at this stage? You are still just getting to know each other...... Gently, is it possible that you are trying to progress the relationship quite quickly, and maybe he is uncomfortable with that? You seem to expect to be a major priority for him, when he barely knows you as yet.

Also, I notice you become very defensive, almost rude, to posters who express an opinion that doesn't chime exactly with your own and support the idea of you as the victim in all of this. This may also be a trait that concerns him.

I don't intend to be offensive, and obviously my understanding of the situation is very partial. Just trying to offer an alternative viewpoint.