The Dating Thread 60 - Summer Fling!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

He wont! He's a good man. I just hate putting on people when they going through shit.

Yeah we good! Been a year in september. I just hate putting on people when theyre going through shit. X

Excellent. Glad you had a great night out!

I guess there are plenty of reasons why he might have disappeared. Were you messaging for long? If not then I’d be inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt, but be ready to walk at any sign he seems less than enthusiastic.

Just back from Mr Charismatic’s.

Some of you might recall a few months back when he and I first resumed dating, he was fresh back on the dating scene and I though he was seeing a lot of other women (inconsistent communication and tricky to pin him down down dates). And he sent me a photo of his work desk at the time, which accidentally revealed a bunch of other women’s names pencilled in on different nights, including my own 😂

Well last night he asked me to fetch something from his office drawer, and the calendar was in there! 😱 And it had a few things scribbled in it, but no female names. That doesn’t mean he isn’t seeing anyone else, but it’s definitely felt the last 2 months or so like he’s been much more available and more consistent in communicating.

We had a really lovely evening last night and again there as lots of chat about weekend activities we could do once I move up the road. Moving day is this Friday! So I guess I’ll see where things go…

Oh my god I did it! I sent out my allocated 8 free likes this morning! What an achievement 😂

@BoxOfCats it’s such a shame he won’t commit . I think he’ll probably be upset if you find a relationship and he loses you but then it will be too late .

@BoxOfCats thats really reassuring that he’s not dating anyone else. You seem to spend a lot of quality time together, I really hope he sees what he has in front of him sooner rather later.

@Ilovelurchers , I’m so sorry that yoir
irons are being flaky. It’s so hurtful isn’t it.

@Nosdacariad , well done on staying strong lovely. He doesn’t deserve you, horrible man xxx

and hi to everyone else, sorry, so many names and my memory is terrible.

all still going well here. Mr Kardashian is so utterly lovely and makes me feel really special. We had a wobble a few weeks ago but he’s dealt with it well.

Sven meet involved steak. Well, for him, I had sea bass. He spent the first ten minutes explaining the science of brown fat and the need to rewire our brains. I tried to flirt a bit, touched his arm when he made a joke, and he just smiled politely and moved his arm away. Zero reciprocation. It was like chatting with a very attractive, very frosty block of ice. I asked if he saw anything developing and he said no, ‘not really’, but we can swim together or go to the gym.

So that’s two strikes this weekend. Ben the flee the rooftop Robot and Sven the Iceberg. I’m currently cursed. Lost in new messages is Marcus the Lawyer, so there is that possibly. I need a normal human being who doesn't see me in need of joist chat or to just be a Friend With Exercise. My young relatives are flying in to City Airport tomorrow so I’ll quiz then on what their dating scene is like, if there is one. My code names for them are Camogie and Titanic, because the younger cousin is a GAA kid and the older one is given to saying ‘awesome’ more than she should. A previous generation would have been sent off to an isolated farm homeplace during the long summer to stay out of trouble and get a crop in, now they come to London to stay with me.

@BoxOfCats I'm worried about your heart. I hope he gets with the program 💘

@TheThingOnTheIce Hinge? I have run out of people.

@coolpattern do you want to tell us about the wobble?

Sorry to hear this - just keep reminding yourself it's a numbers game. By putting yourself out there, going on dates, you are taking the necessary steps that mean you will meet someone eventually ....Even though it feels like hard work at times. (This is what I keep telling myself, anyway).

It's a positive sign, but also I would just urge caution (sorry, I hate sounding negative, when it's clear he makes you very happy when you are together). You are looking for clues as to what he is doing when he is not with you - and that is totally understandable, any of us would be.

But in a perfect world, you wouldn't have to look for clues, because you would have his freely given assurance he wasn't seeing others ....

I totally understand why you choose to keep seeing him. But please be careful. You come across as such a kind, thoughtful, clever, compassionate woman (as do so many on this thread). You are the prize! Don't gamble with more than you can afford to lose, if you see what I mean......

@Nosdacariad , thank you. I was jist
feeling abit low, lots going on with kids and work and ex remarrying…he cancelled a plan we had for what I felt wasn’t a good enough reason then became unwell and so on so I’d just catastrophised the whole thing, started to withdraw and in my head I’d already plotted the ending! He’s also got a huge amount going on but he’s managed to turn it around and make me feel a priority and generally calmed my intrusive thoughts xxx

So, still inexplicably upset about Mr Insurance, who ghosted before we even met, I went on a massive swiping spree across Bumble, FB Dating AND Hinge last night, in an attempt to distract myself.

And this morning have had to have a corresponding unmatching spree! Unmatching everyone who didn't meet all four of basic criteria: respectful texter; own place to live and stable income; interests in common; spark of attraction to his pics.

It's almost all of them, to be fair! And I have been pretty ruthless in the unmatching. Apart from with one, who left me these lovely voice notes, and his voice was just like diving into a warm sea - it was actively pleasurable to listen to. I will call him Mr Sentimental. Unfortunately, he also admitted that he is "trying to start his own business." That's got to be a financial red flag, right? Or do you think it's potentially worth giving him the benefit of the doubt till I learn more about it. He does have SUCH a nice voice! 🤣

Got my date with Am Dram this afternoon. On a positive note, I am certain we will have lots to talk about. He also has a job, he has been fully polite so far..... Just not sure about the attraction. I was initially torn as to whether to swipe right or left. He's an objectively decent looking fella, with a kind face and a nice smile. Just really not my type?!

But I know looks matter very little once you properly get to know someone.....

I also had a small falling out with FWB over text last night. He had been drinking I think, and inexplicably got upset about an innocuous joke I made (he can be very sensitive). I was on the verge of saying to him, save your tantrums for a woman you are willing to be exclusive with - she would probably have more patience for them than I do...

But he is texting normally this morning, and I can't be bothered to fall out with him - I am sure I would regret it if our friendship ended on a note like that. He can't expect to have it both ways though - he can't have non-exclusivity and also expect me to handmaiden to his delicate hurt feelings!

Morning everyone, the last few days have been tricky but very illuminating from a dating perspective. Agreed a date with Mr Local who sought me out on a night out with friends, and since then he’s added me as a friend on FB.

I didn’t think it was possible for a profile to have quite so many red flags, but it is. He can’t hold down a job, doesn’t see his teen kids often but shares overly gushing posts when he does, as well as regular outpourings of emotion about life in general, seems to have just split up with his ex at Easter and not last year as he told me. And to top it off likes to post ‘jokes’ that everyone ignores where he refers to women as ‘birds’. He finds them hilarious. They’re not.

One of my DC’s has been poorly in hospital but is back at home now. I’m not leaving them to go on a date so I have a good excuse to ditch this one. I saw all of this whilst doom scrolling next to DC’s hospital bed (they were sleeping) with ExH in the room being absolutely brilliant and supporting us both which made the contrast even starker. Definitely not going back to ExH but he’s a decent man now and this iron is not.

I’m taking a break from dating for a while to look after DC and take some annual leave so will see if I have the energy or interest when I get back.

I'm glad it got sorted.

I hope he has learned from the impact it had on you 💙🩷💜

Agree about FWB and Mr Sentimental...why is he 'trying' and not 'doing' and I have learned from planes that if you are 'setting up a business' (free wordpress website and AI-constructed business plan) universal credit leave you alone for 12 months...

Mr Local sounds like a bullet dodged - what a creep!

Sorry to hear your DC has been unwell - hope everything is getting sorted.

And I empathise with what you say about your kids' dad. My daughter's dad wasn't a great husband, but he is an excellent father and decent human being, always stands up to his responsibilities, even to the point of helping me sort things in my flat, like hanging pictures and so on. Recently he carried an incredibly heavy fishtank up three slights of stairs for us without complaining once, bless him!

I definitely compare potential future irons to him in some ways, and a lot of them do not compare very favourably....

Enjoy your break and I don't blame you for taking a break.

The man is communist bunting to borrow a phrase from one of you clever women.

Havnt checked here over weekend but 80+ updates lol il try catch up tonight.
just wondering, why do all men’s profiles say they love banter / not looking for drama? 😏
i cant be doing with banter too much after being with someone who disgused insults as banter

They want to disguise insults as banter then act bewildered when you get upset.

They don't want you to bring any drama because they bring.all.the.drama.

Oh God, it really grinds my gears when they say "no drama". As if anybody actually thinks "God, I love drama, I would definitely like more drama in my life."

In my experience the men who say they don't like drama are the most dramatic of all! But they never own that - they will always try to twist things around to make out that the drama is the woman's fault. That it's "dramatic" of us to object to them acting like total knobs....

As for "banter" - so many of them think they are fucking hilarious! I did date one guy, Mr Comedy, who was genuinely really funny, and I was disappointed when he said he wasn't in the right emotional headspace for dating. (Though also, looking back, I admire the fact that he had that degree of emotional intelligence and self awareness). But I tend to assume mention of "banter" on a profile means that they feel entitled to take the piss, and call you over sensitive if you object to it in any way....

Sorry, that is a bit of a cynical outlook - but its been forged by experience.

I've definitely swiped left on guys whose profiles express a love of "banter" and a desire for "no drama" many times.....

Thank you @Ilovelurchers @Nosdacariad i did think this but wasn’t sure if i was being overly ‘sensitive’ ot ‘dramatic’ haha

Those are not things we'll call you here 🙂

Just to add in here - my eldest daughter is ‘setting up a business’, with a business partner/friend - she spends 30 hours plus on it and has also another job to maintain her personal income somewhat of a further 24-30 hours. She works so hard and she’d not have time to date - she is married and he barely sees her as she’s often in her office 9am to midnight. Her friend does 40 plus hours, as her husband an highish earner and she doesn’t work elsewhere but she has small kids and barely time to breathe.

It is going well but their plan involves income for them only starting at end of year 2 and they’re just at a year in now. I think they’d definitely love to know how to do this and have regular pub nights, harems, etc though, so if these guys have any top tips? Lol.

It may be ok Lurchers - depends what/where/how it’s going? I guess Planes already showed his approach wasn’t ok.