The Dating Thread 60 - Summer Fling!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

It’s a super normal reaction once you start to feel hope, particularly if youve been seriously hurt in the past. But yes - he’s probably just busy. Try and distract yourself (with your FWB!) and just don’t do a crazy reaction to it directly to him :)

Thanks both - I am so glad I joined this group!

What you say about really living makes a lot of sense - a few months ago I felt incredibly low and flat, like I had nothing to look forward to really in terms of my romantic life - at least now I am having periods of excitement, hope and optimism! Even if they are inevitably followed by crushing disappointmenrt!

But yes, it's good to know I can still feel strong attraction (at least over messages) to someone who isn't FWB. I am so fond of him - I do still love him in a way - but I we both finally accepted quite a while ago that we can never work out as a couple. He seems happy to be permanently single, but I am not - I do ultimately want someone special to share things with, even though I don't think I will ever cohabit again....

Mr Insurance seemed so promising - we had so much in common it was uncanny - and I was properly full on excited about the minigolf date! But I guess if he suddenly disappears, the implication has to be that he wasn't who I thought he was, so.....

Going to put my phone away for a bit I think, and focus on the lovely man who is currently watching the football naked in my bed (I've popped out to the shop).

Thanks again for the support. That's interesting about Boats, .@Nosdacariad. is he a full time smoker or an occasional one? I smoke socially, but can actually quite happily go for days without a fag if I need to, and am happy to do so when dating or spending time with non-smokers, so you never know.....

Have you ever had a Mr Trains? Trains, and Boats and Planes......

@Ilovelurchers funnily enough I recently dated Mr Automobiles (Cars) and just got chatting to a train driver...I am not sure how much he smokes.

Ooh why did the "have you met a gentleman on hinge" thread get taken down?

I didn't see that thread - what was it about?

It was just asking that question really 🙃

Just catching up!
@empirebiscuits12, Mr Peach is a twat. The ONS comment is utterly unacceptable. Bye, babe.

@Ilovelurchers good luck with Mr Insurance! The reality is we never know until we meet them, but it is always nice to have a good feeling.

Mr Physics is currently away for work in the Far East. He is making time to ring me every day for a quick chat. My brain is still wondering if he really likes me.. bonkers. Clearly he does, otherwise why is he making time (in an inconvenient time zone) to ring me?

@BellaBlackberry83 good news, well done Mr Physics!

Mr Insurance has been silent for nearly 24 hours now. And this is after previously sending about 10-12 messages a day. He hasn't blocked me - but I think that often they just don't bother......

I am very disappointed and surprised, as it really felt like he was serious about our date. But this has happened a few times now. I just need to remember there is no point getting attached in the early days, as they can and do disappear at any time.......

I know I need to get swiping again, try to arrange some more dates, but I am just not feeling it currently. That's two dates I was meant to have this weekend - both blokes I really liked - both haven't even had the decency to cancel properly, but have just disappeared.......

Sorry, this is hugely self pitying - I need to snap out of it!

@Ilovelurchers oh man why do they do this. I’m the same sometimes . I can get weirdly attached far too early . I’m still disappointed the guy from school didn’t reply . I mean I haven’t seen him for 26 years, I still think it was pretty rude to ignore me . And I didn’t bother doing anymore swiping .

@Ilovelurchers that’s disappointing and I think it’s easy to get a bit battle worn with it. Only you know how you feel but I’d keep going if you can, it’s definitely a numbers game.

Oh and Mr Insurance - it’s his loss ❤️

It is pathetic and you are entitled to feel very sad. So sorry.

Have to run but chin up my darling 😘😘

So bizarre. I decided I had nothing to lose and messaged Mr Law and said that I hadn't heard from him for a while so wanted to check we were still on for Friday - convinced he would ignore me - and he said yes, still on!

Now I am wondering if I should do the same with Insurance? As he hasn't even been silent as long......

Yes do it x

@Ilovelurchers how are you doing?

I've just messaged Insurance, a short message just asking if we are still on for Saturday.

I've also got a possible date on Sunday with a guy I will call Mr Am-Dran. He seems a little anxious, but nice enough.

Just going to try to stay positive and also keep it all inproportion.... If I can! X

My last message here seems to still being looked at by Mumsnet. Must be some terms that trigger something but if I post them nobody will ever see this. So far as I remember it was about Ben and Sven [made up names by me]. Was dreading Ben, but roof garden sounds nice if we actually go to one. Concerned he’s dull like architects I have met, hoping he’s tidy, conversational, not crypto/ex-focused. Intrigued by Sven’s accent and ice swimming, yet wary it signals something. Hinted at setting a warmth limit and staying in bed.

Messaging etiquette.

It comes down to people being different in their approaches and ideas of what is normal in the app age. I think the only way to thrive and not stress over it is to agree the ground rules. If I am meeting someone for the first time my minimum is an exchange 24 hours before plus when setting out. In the interim I think you have to be careful. Reasons? Firstly you use up the initial face to face conversation before it can happen and secondly men drift towards improper questions or dull banality. The former includes things like ‘what are you wearing’ / ‘I’m sending you a carp pic, how about one of your bicycles?’ and the latter is ‘how was your day’ land. Then there’s the reply that is a thumbs up emoji. Emojis are not conversation.

No new developments on the dating front for me. Ben is confirmed for tomorrow evening so far as I can tell. Sven is now doing messages, lots of emojis. I can't tell if he's emotionally constipated or just efficient. See also paragraph before this.

How long do chat before arranging a date? Been chatting with Mr Bank for about a week, no mention of a date and I’m losing interest.

A week is enough. Have you dropped any hints?

Yeah I have…he seems really interested but no actual date planning.

This would concern me. I have come across quite a few who only want to message and never actually meet.

I think I would be tempted to give him a couple of dates at this point, and if he ignored or changed the subject I would call it quits. But I am quite intentional about dating so very keen not to waste my time on messages that don't lead anywhere - when we have discussed it before others have said they don't mind acquiring the odd penpal if they are entertaining enough......

A roof top bar does sound nice - it's always an added bonus if they suggest or agree to somewhere or something fun/out of the ordinary for a date.

The trouble is, the only times this has happened to me, the dates never actually happened.....😥

Have you heard @Ilovelurchers ?

@Puddleduck2013 time to say "are you planning a date for us"?

Nothing back from Insurance so I guess I pretty much have to accept he isn't interested now.

Feeling slightly better because I have Law on Friday night, and now Am-Dram on Sunday - both are decent enough prospects, though nothing like the connection I felt I had found with Insurance, but oh well, need to push him out of my mind I think.

Having a nice evening with FWB - he has done a bit of DIY for me, and I'm cooking for him. We do almost role play a real relationship at times! 🤣 It seems to work for both of us right now, but will definitely have to stop if either of us meets someone serious.....

I spoke to my real life friend and she said it was probably good that I have FWB currently for sex, as otherwise I might be tempted to pursue a less than ideal relationship simply because I was desperate for intimacy! It's a mistake I have made before, certainly. She could well be right......