The Dating Thread 60 - Summer Fling!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

It's a mistake I keep making but I can't get my head round FWB.

I know what you mean - to be honest I never imagined I would be the sort of person to have an FWB (not that there is anything wrong with it - I just didn't think it would work for me).

I don't think it's something I would ever actively seek out - in the case of both of mine, I was hoping for a proper relationship but it just didn't work out like that.

And it's not enough for me long term - I want a proper committed, loving, exclusive relationship ultimately. Having said that, I have surprised myself with the fact that I can cope with it quite well - I never seem to get jealous for example, which I would have imagined being a problem.

I guess every situation is different.....

I think this runs parallel in the explanation of tantric sex ideology if I'm not mistaken.

Me neither, I just don't think I could cope. My friend asked me last week what I'm actually looking for & I told him I'd like FWB who doesn't see anyone else other than me. He asked if I'd be allowed to see other people and I said no, I couldn't do that. He replied you want a relationship then you idiot lol.

Having a shit day today...
Ex (father of my DC) messaging me. Gives me anxiety as soon as I see anything from him as he can be abusive.
The "most compatible" match Hinge suggested for me today was my recent ex who I'm still a little hung up on if I'm honest.
Date I had planned for Sat, Mr Disney, cancelled with no follow up planned.

Ugh so done with today!

@Mildred007 horrid seeing your ex on the apps.

Can you get the father of your DC on a parenting app and confine comms to there?

I'm going to planes' village this morninng to see a friend. Not expecting to see him as no booze involved but may see one of the harem.

I never imagined it either. But there certainly are a lot of benefits 😂

I think it’s partly because I’ve been ultra focused on myself over the last year. So being able to have my own space and not have to worry too much about anyone else is a bit of a bonus. Just fantastic sex and nice dates. I do want a relationship longer term though.

Naievely I thought dates would not be part of it...so is it different from non exclusive dating?

I think there is a murky grey spectrum of differnt situations.

At the extreme end I suppose it’s just about sex. At the other end, it can look (at least on the surface) a lot like a relationship. I’m not sure exactly where the line is between the two. And I’ve experienced both ends of the spectrum, depending on what suited me to the time.

Hi everyone- this is rolling on - some nice and then not so great men. Whilst MN favours NAMALT as ‘not all’ I sometimes debate if it should be ‘nearly all’!

Re the FWB - I’ve had a couple I guess but often it’s either I get too attached when it’s a bit more relationship style or I can continue with no interest but then it’s a bit pointless all round lol.

It’s a great position to be in if you can handle it/get the right FWB I guess. Last one ended not really friends and no real benefits sooo.

Need to catch up with who has dates with whom. Last 2 of mine included the football - so one a buzzing night and one not so much lol (him not me) but it was still a good night really so that’s ok.

Good on you all still getting on the dates - it’s a numbers game (sometimes chore!) but good luck to all with upcoming dates this weekend 🍀

Just got my hair done and the hairdresser (late 20s) is meeting the same deadlegs I am just a different age bracket.
She's meeting them in the wild.

Just got some planes' village gossip. His ex over the road apparently invites herself to peoples' houses for meals and their families have to ask her to stop. Vulnerable, single, older men.

This is who he is besotted with!

Country life 😅

Have stored away 'murky grey spectrum'.

I'm not in a FWB situation, but think I would be OK with it so long as the F part is there. Generally I do not entertain the idea of a really cold connect.

So, both of mine are also heavy on the friendship aspect (regular messaging, taking a real interest in each others' lives) and also the dating element.

I think they differ from -non-exclusive dating, to me, in the sense that non-exclusive dating would usually be potentially building up to something more exclusive once both people felt ready.

In the case of both my FWBs, there is an agreement that this is all it will ever be - we aren't on a trajectory towards anything more serious.

I think if it was purely sex, I would see that as more "fuck-buddiea" (not a very nice term). That wouldn't really appeal to me as I don't really enjoy sex without connection - though I know it works for some women - one of my best friends regularly meets guys on the apps for this kind of set up, and says she has had some of the best sex of her life with her FBs.

I guess the only thing that really matters is that both parties are fully informed as to what the deal is, and both happy with it..... The problems seem to come when one person is secretly hoping for more...

How are you @Ilovelurchers ?

So, I am meant to have a date with Mr Law tonight (the one who seemed to start breadcrumbing after the date was agreed). I messaged this morning to confirm the time and have heard nothing.

I am getting to the point where I don't want to go anyway - I am really not keen on all this uncertainty.

Still nothing from Insurance either so I assume our date tomorrow is cancelled.

I do have a date booked on Sunday with Mr Am-Dram. He is less obviously my type than the other two, but no red flags - I think I may as well go, though I don't feel the same excitement that I did with the other two.

Just spoke to my mom about it and she pointed out that both Law and Insurance live quite far from me, so that could be the reason? But I wish they would just explain, so that I wasn't left hanging ....

Planes taste sounds really questionable....

My FWB has a female "friend" like this too - her behaviour is shockingly predatory - in fact it's uncannily similar - she targets older men in their wider friendship group who are wealthy and single. She actually married one shortly before he passed away, and inherited quite a sum of money ... FWB admits she isn't a very nice person, but that doesn't stop him sucking up to her, buying her drinks etc. It used to do my head in when we were actually together - now I just never ask him about her as I don't like to think of her .....

That is rubbish. If they cba to confirm then I would be very cross xxx

Not defending this man as maybe he is just annoying, but to just say that from my perspective it isn’t necessarily him not replying/being cba if it’s just been a few hours. I didn’t even used to have notifications set on my dating apps. He might just think the date is fully set and no need to check?

just trying to give another perspective in case helpful

Getting pissed off with Hinge. Hate how it only seems to show my profile to people if I send out a few likes . Making me do all the hard work 😂

This is so rubbish. I think they find it a good idea at the time then bin out some of them - some never have intention.

I do think some set it up them don’t message as it’s sorted though - but are you messaging on the site? Or exchanged numbers now? I missed last message from Mr T on the site as I didn’t log in after it was set - didn’t matter much it was just he’d be 5 mins after 8 - guess it would have done if he’d changed it altogether!. We set up only the day before though so no time much to ponder.

Hope Mr Am-Dram is a decent date though at least - wipe the bad taste away.

Yes, I think i may have to. My friend has mentioned an app to me too as things are far from amicable.

Glad you didn't bump into Planes today. How are you feeling about it all now?

@Ilovelurchers I'd be a bit miffed at Law & Insurance too. Particularly if you've messaged this morning, literally takes a few seconds to send a message to confirm. Plus would make me question effort if it progressed.
However, in real life I'd probably make excuses for them & think maybe they haven't checked/seen your message as they have in their mind that the date is set. But then I'm a bit of a pushover ha.

After my rubbish day yesterday I did a bit of swiping last night & have 3 new matches... got to keep on keeping on 🙃

@Mildred007 I still miss him despite the eleventy billion reasons not to.

Other less savoury gossip is that the village is a swingers' paradise...though I doubt someone with ED would want to take part 😱

Well, I didn't hear anything from him until 6:30, when he sent a message about how difficult things have been for him this week & with no mention of the date or what time we should be meeting!

No idea what is going on with him, but feel quite messed around if I am honest.

Haha, I know! Hinge is the stingiest of all the apps with its quota of swipes!

There's no reason why he couldn't have sent a message apologising and asking if he could reschedule. How annoying.

Hello all. I was offline for a few days which was nice and since I've been back have been chatting to a guy with whom I have a shared interest. Apart from that one thing, we don't have much in common at all 😂Mr AI. Not really a distinguishing name since that seems to be what everyone's an expert in, these days.

I have a friend who's a data scientist and she calculated the approximate number of single, reasonably attractive fit men our age in the region we live in ( rural area near affluent city of 300k) and it was shockingly low! So chances of meeting encountering someone who even vaguely fits the bill seems to be highly unlikely!

One of the reasons I love this forum is that there's always someone on here who's experienced the same weirdness, frustrations and bad behaviour as I have. I must say though, I am getting pretty demotivated.