The Dating Thread 60 - Summer Fling!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I've been on Facebook dating for past week, had 1 match, sent a message, got no reply. Carry on regardless.

@MrFlintstone I've been guilty of not replying before. I've just matched with someone with a minimalist profile, who has matched with me and sent an opening message of 'hi'. I considered replying but there is just literally nothing to go on. So I haven't.

Hi chocolatefreak, it doesn't actually bother me if people reply or not, I know we all lead busy lives these days. My profile is quite decent I think with 4 or 5 very recent photos, but I've always been useless at opening lines etc as I just never know what to say.

@Chocolatefreak also very demoralised!

@Ilovelurchers he sounds like he's expecting you to do a lot of emotional work when you have never met.

@MrFlintstone I try to ask something about their profile.

Boats was nice but v.v. boring and not that bright and not attractive to me at all.

I want planes back 😭 except without the harem and the boozing and the laziness and the sexual dysfunction and...

Argh well I was very wrong then! So pathetic - toss him back, as regardless what is going on, he is a cowardly/shit communicator. Sorry :(

On a date with Mr Charismatic. He made a pretty amazing dinner, and had even gone to the trouble of sourcing a specific bottle of wine we both wanted to try on our last date in a French restaurant, which had been out of stock at the time. There were candles and music and everything.

So much thought and effort...

Morning everyone ☺️ catching up on the thread.

@Ilovelurchers that’s really poor behaviour, I’m sorry that happened. Hopefully your other dates go smoothly!

@Nosdacariad I’m so sorry you’re still really cut up over Planes. Hopefully it gets a bit easier for you soon

Mr Peach has pissed me right off. I was doing the slow fade on him and he messaged “can I tell you something really important?” So I told him sure. He text back “I really miss you…..respond”. I ended up just blocking him. Cba with that.

The chat with Mr Tall continues. I dropped hints about meeting but he’s not taking the bait. Says it would be nice but he’s being a bit lukewarm.

Haven’t seen Mystery Dog Walker again 😂

Matched with a guy on Tinder who’s physically my type but his spelling is atrocious with words missed out and muddled. Gave him the benefit of the doubt because that probably wouldn’t be fair and it seems very typical of dyslexia, but then he said he was at a bbq with all his mates yesterday afternoon. Realised his profile doesn’t mention his job so I’m hoping he has one? Will need to dig further (if I can decipher his messages).

Lovely! Where can I find a guy like this?! 😁

@UmberSheep it is good to have alternative perspectives so please keep giving them 🩷💜💙

@BoxOfCats you are FOR SURE getting the best dates 💘💘💘

@empirebiscuits12 well done for blocking 🍑

Mystery guy, were the typos because he was tired & emotional? 🍻🍺

Chatting to Mr Beered who I will not consider for a relationship as alcohol is too central to his life for it to be a match.

Tonight I'm going to a thing with the young female guest of a friend (I'm the only person prepared to dance!!) and picking her up at planes' local (one of them).

Slightly worried he'll be out front with a new love.

Mystery Guy is the hot dog walker I was too shy to ask if he was single 🫣 I’ll call the poor spelling guy Mr BBQ….yes possibly it was the beer! I can see past poor spelling, potential dyslexia and having a great time at a bbq. Just a bit worried he may not have a job but I’ll get to the bottom of it today hopefully!

Funny thing happened earlier. I matched with a guy on Tinder and he messaged this morning and in the chat he asked where I’m from. When I told him he said he actually lives in Tampa Florida and was in my city a few months ago looking for an “apartment”. Apparently plans to move here “by the fall”. No location on his profile so feel I’m being taken for a mug 🤔

@Nosdacariad it sounds as though you live in a close knit place? I’ve very rarely ran into an ex but I’m a city girl. But it’s awful running into someone you still have feelings for. Hopefully that’s not the case tonight though and you’re able to let your hair down and have fun!

@empirebiscuits12 Mr Florida 🚨🚨🚨red klaxons of doom!!!

Hahaha I know!! He’s been blocked! Profile wasn’t photo verified and had no location. First time someone has tried to pull that one on me. I get “US soldiers” trying to slide into my instagram DMs but they get blocked too!

He does sound wonderful......

Bloody Peach - how old is he? 15?

As for Tall, I have slight misgivings that he may be in a relationship or something? As he is so keen to chat, but refusing to commit to a date. Does anything about him give you those vibes?

If you do see Planes, I would just say "hi" in a slightly bored voice, as if to a vague aquaintance you never had much interest in. Then swish your hair (if it is swishable - if not do other equivalent action of hot dismissal) and walk away ....

Losing you was a big mistake, and I don't doubt that on some level he knows this, even if he isn't grown up enough to properly admit it to himself.....

I know this is a mistake, but I have messaged this morning and said to let me know if he wants to reschedule. It's against my better judgement as the whole of his behaviour has been weird if I am honest. But I just feel so hopeless about the rest of my current irons -after Insurance disappeared (I am still not over that, and I never even met him!) Law has been the only one left who I felt had real promise.

I know I need to get swiping - I did do quite a big Tinder swipe yesterday and matched with about 5, but none of them have messaged back so far......

Mr Friendly (the one I was supporting with his Nan's end of life but don't fancy at all) told me his nan has passed now. He seems as ok as could be expected. I've trying to slow fade but in a nice way. To be fair he has never mentioned us meeting up - if he did I would have to be honest I guess.

Ben evening. Started at the Queen of Hoxton for the roof garden obsession he seemed to have. One of his exes was there and he was so uncomfortable that we went elsewhere before much time had passed. After that odd start Ben was fine. That’s the one word summary. Polite? Check. Dressed well? Check. Yet the conversation felt like an interview. He grilled me on my thesis with the enthusiasm of a funding body, then spent too long explaining the structural integrity of the roof garden we were no longer sitting in.

I tried to steer things towards flirtation or literally anything personal, but he just dodged. Just polite, professional discourse. At the end, he shook my hand. A handshake! I went home and opened a large bag of tortilla chips and found a salsa dip in the cupboard. The evening was utterly flirtationless. I need someone who looks at me like they want to eat me, not discuss the load-bearing capacity of a joist. Sven better be wilder than this, but not insane, or I’m losing hope in the entire male sex.

Two young relatives are over next week so will see their perspectives and will probably be taking them out to some places.

Yes Peach seemed very needy and quite immature as time went on, and he seemed very invested very quickly.

Ooh interesting about Mr Tall. He messages at all times and doesn’t go quiet in the evenings, so I’ve never had the impression he’s not single. But I’ll stay on the alert for this. He’s probably one of those men who just want to message but not meet - aka time waster! I’ve asked his plans for the weekend but he seems to be busy during the day and in the evening. I’m going to give him another few days then just knock it on the head.

I’ve read your other update, best to slow fade on Me Friendly I think as has the potential to become messy if he looks to lean on you while grieving. It sounds as though you guys don’t have much in common. Have you got dates planned this weekend? This thread moves very quickly so apologies if you’ve said up thread!

Thanks @Ilovelurchers that's a very kind and lovely post, off to google gestures of hot dismissal!

@LenaFromTheNineties at least if he grilled you on your thesis he was asking questions 😁

I have had dates like that too (not discussing the structural integrity of a roof garden, but the lack of any evident attraction on their part). Often I have been surprised when post-date they contact me and express enthusiasm for another round ....

Will you see him again, do you think?

This is a good point - many of my dates have been short on questions, strong on very boring, detailed accounts of their work life, or, worse, the evils of their ex-wife.

At least he showed an interest in you and your life and interests, I suppose.....

Yeah boats told me every.single.detail. about his work and asked rien.

I asked Mr Tall if he would like to meet up and to think about possible dates that would suit him. He replied saying “Yeh we should meet sometime. Do you want to?” 🤦🏼‍♀️

This isn’t going to happen, is it?

At this point I would block.

What does his profile say he's looking for?