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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I looked ‘atrocious’

156 replies

whatgoeson23 · 22/06/2026 10:15

That’s what my boyfriend of 12 years said I looked like when I went to a friend’s wedding at the weekend. I had my hair and makeup done, and I wore a lovely dress that everyone complimented me on. However, yesterday he told me that I looked atrocious in the dress. I was honestly taken aback because I felt lovely in it, and I thought that even if you did think that, you wouldn’t say it to someone. He was in a foul mood when I went to get my hair and makeup done and barely spoke to me for most of the morning. Then he threatened not to come back in time to have the kids so that I could attend the wedding. He does this to me all the time. Whenever I go out, he threatens not to come back to look after the children. He says it’s because I make an effort with my appearance and he doesn’t like it. But he never takes me anywhere where I would have the opportunity to make an effort. I just think he can be cruel at times, and I honestly don’t know how I’ve put up with it for so long. I know this is not normal and I am planning to leave but is anyone’s else’s partner like this.

OP posts:
Abricot1983 · 22/06/2026 19:10

You are likely the opposite of everything he says you are. Now prove to him down the line you can be financially astute. Start another thread asking advice from mumsnet on how to get your ducks in a row both legally and financially for freeing yourself from this controlling idiot. You can do it and should do it for your children.

MyDeftDuck · 22/06/2026 19:12

Why are you even still with this moron? i doubt he actually knows the meaning of atrocious! Move on……you deserve better.

Sudagame · 22/06/2026 19:13

I once worked in a big city and walked home past a few designer shops. I saw a dress one day that was absolutely stunning . I went in and tried it on and fitted me beautifully. Never really went anywhere posh enough to wear it but l still decided to pay some money off it every payday, took me a few months to buy it. Ex'D'H also thought it was lovely until a work do came up and l was going on my own as we had two young DC and plus he had no interest in my work or colleagues. He was fine until he realised l was wearing 'the dress' as it was a black tie do.
We had a massive row but l eventually managed start getting ready, clothes laid out on bed, came out of shower and he had cut all the bottom of the dress up.
It had taken me months to buy it. I still went out and wore a white blouse and black pants.
I escaped soon after glad to say.

Manthide · 22/06/2026 19:14

It doesn't get easier or better so plan to leave ASAP. I am in the final stages of doing that with exdh. He refuses to work and I've finally split our uc claim as I don't want to support his laziness. When I went to the job centre to confirm everything 2 weeks ago I actually felt the whole centre was going to applaud me! They know how horrible he is and I think they're all a bit scared of him.

WilliamsandWatsonTooLateNSoul · 22/06/2026 19:17

No you didn't.
He's 100% dickhead don't let him drag you down.
You're worth x100 of him.💐

SatsumaDog · 22/06/2026 19:21

Get rid of him.

Even if you did look awful (which I seriously doubt), no decent person would say that. He’s a cruel pig and not deserving of you. Dump him now. You deserve better.

SatsumaDog · 22/06/2026 19:22

Sudagame · 22/06/2026 19:13

I once worked in a big city and walked home past a few designer shops. I saw a dress one day that was absolutely stunning . I went in and tried it on and fitted me beautifully. Never really went anywhere posh enough to wear it but l still decided to pay some money off it every payday, took me a few months to buy it. Ex'D'H also thought it was lovely until a work do came up and l was going on my own as we had two young DC and plus he had no interest in my work or colleagues. He was fine until he realised l was wearing 'the dress' as it was a black tie do.
We had a massive row but l eventually managed start getting ready, clothes laid out on bed, came out of shower and he had cut all the bottom of the dress up.
It had taken me months to buy it. I still went out and wore a white blouse and black pants.
I escaped soon after glad to say.

That’s absolutely awful. Glad you got rid of him.

Washingupdone · 22/06/2026 19:25

My ex did like me to spend money on hair, makeup and clothes.

Copy all the papers you have regarding your house etc and see a solicitor.

maxslice · 22/06/2026 19:26

He’s making dinner? One that will probably have delicious leftovers? STFU and be grateful.

Violinorbanjo · 22/06/2026 19:40

I don't understand any of this....

Shoola · 22/06/2026 19:42

A partner doesn't have to be perfect but they should generally be a positive part of your life. He sounds very negative.

Snufkin88 · 22/06/2026 19:49

What a horrible man . I’m not just saying this but genuinely I think he said you looked atrocious because you looked well and that made him jealous and threatened that you would get attention from other men .

Kittyloulou · 22/06/2026 19:57

RUN…

MMUmum · 22/06/2026 20:01

whatgoeson23 · 22/06/2026 10:15

That’s what my boyfriend of 12 years said I looked like when I went to a friend’s wedding at the weekend. I had my hair and makeup done, and I wore a lovely dress that everyone complimented me on. However, yesterday he told me that I looked atrocious in the dress. I was honestly taken aback because I felt lovely in it, and I thought that even if you did think that, you wouldn’t say it to someone. He was in a foul mood when I went to get my hair and makeup done and barely spoke to me for most of the morning. Then he threatened not to come back in time to have the kids so that I could attend the wedding. He does this to me all the time. Whenever I go out, he threatens not to come back to look after the children. He says it’s because I make an effort with my appearance and he doesn’t like it. But he never takes me anywhere where I would have the opportunity to make an effort. I just think he can be cruel at times, and I honestly don’t know how I’ve put up with it for so long. I know this is not normal and I am planning to leave but is anyone’s else’s partner like this.

You know you looked fabulous right? Believe everyone who said how lovely you looked, and dump your spiteful, ,jealous husband

TheKitchenLady · 22/06/2026 20:02

This is such an awful situation for you to be in. This man is not nice and you are being controlled by him - the anxiety he creates by leaving you wondering if he will be back in time is classic controlling behaviour. Would he leave if you asked him to, or do you have somewhere you can go to with your children? Please get some legal advice.
Oh, and ignore his comments about how you looked. His opinion isn't valid. Embrace the compliments from other guests - theirs were genuine comments on how lovely you looked, rather than bitter comments from a nasty man.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 22/06/2026 20:11

OneLimePombear · 22/06/2026 18:41

Have you put on weight, this is a shitty thing chilly men say when their partner has gained weight.

Edited

Can we just fuck off with the fat people bring abuse upon themselves narrative?

They say this when they want to make their partner feel like shit and isolated - weight gain has absolutely nothing to do with it, whether or not somebody is size 30 or size 2.

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/06/2026 20:14

Had an ex BF like this and as a PP said, once you see the "BUT ME ME ME!!!" you never unsee it. It is abusive and controlling.

"Why do you want to go out with your slaggy mates?!" = BUT WHAT ABOUT ME, WHY ISNT ALL YOUR ATTENTION ON ME?!

"Why are you going out looking a fucking state?!" = Stay at home and dont risk meeting a decent man, that I know I am not, and leaving MEMEME!!!

worldshottestmom · 22/06/2026 20:16

If he insulted you that means you looked incredible, so there's that. But we all know it's so much more than that. I'm glad you're not somebody holding out hope; you're intelligent, you know what he is and what he is doing.

My ex was similar to this in the tactic. If I didn't wear makeup every day, dress up and look great then he would insult me, as I would no longer be his trophy wife. Yet, he would still frequently complain that I took too long to get ready every day, was too insecure to leave the house without makeup on, and denied that it was his fault. That was the least of the abuse and that alone was exhausting. These men are just exhausting leeches on our lives, and like any other parasite need squashing.

I know it is very hard and very scary to leave, but just think about your new life now. That's what I did; live as if I was already separated from him and did whatever the hell I wanted. Complete grey rock when it came to communication with him; there was zero and he tried it all. Every single day for MONTHS would scream, scream shouting in my face the second that I got out of bed and opened my bedroom door. I just ignored him and acted like he wasn't there.

I wish you luck OP. Reading these posts make me so mad, I wish I could beat him up for you.

worldshottestmom · 22/06/2026 20:23

OneLimePombear · 22/06/2026 18:41

Have you put on weight, this is a shitty thing chilly men say when their partner has gained weight.

Edited

She could be 800lbs or 80lbs it wouldn't make a difference. The problem isn't her, it's him. He could be dating Margot Robbie and would tell her she's hideous and 'isn't allowed' to wear makeup.

Even it was her weight, losing weight would not change anything. When a man is an abuser he will find anything to pick at to assert control over her and abuse her. It is all about the power.

EternalDreamer · 22/06/2026 20:57

My ex used to do this too. Get in an awful mood and start an argument when I would make an effort and looked good. And this would be when we out together!!

For this and a multidltude of other reasons I am so glad he's my ex. Leave as soon as you can OP

HighHeelsRedLips · 22/06/2026 21:58
You Deserve This Mental Health GIF by All Better

You did not look atrocious! His nastiness is atrocious!

HappyWelsh · 22/06/2026 23:49

Jeeze OP, I’m so sorry that you’ve got this massive prick in your life! Please bin him off, and fast! No matter what happens, you’ll be much more happier without him, I promise❤️ please sort your ducks and leave ASAP.

OMGDidYouSayThat · 23/06/2026 00:50

Well there’s honesty and there’s being damn right rude, anyone who tells their partner they look atrocious and puts them down like that needs a f*in slap 👋

Dogmum74 · 23/06/2026 07:21

he is saying it because you DO look good. So don’t take it to heart and certainly don’t listen. You need to get rid of him sooner rather than later and not put up with this shit for any longer. He is a dick. You know it. So sort it. X

IGJ10 · 23/06/2026 08:34

He’s not a good dad. He threatens not to come home to look after the children just to hurt you. He’s not a good dad or a good person.

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