I looked ‘atrocious’

[whatgoeson23]

That’s what my boyfriend of 12 years said I looked like when I went to a friend’s wedding at the weekend. I had my hair and makeup done, and I wore a lovely dress that everyone complimented me on. However, yesterday he told me that I looked atrocious in the dress. I was honestly taken aback because I felt lovely in it, and I thought that even if you did think that, you wouldn’t say it to someone. He was in a foul mood when I went to get my hair and makeup done and barely spoke to me for most of the morning. Then he threatened not to come back in time to have the kids so that I could attend the wedding. He does this to me all the time. Whenever I go out, he threatens not to come back to look after the children. He says it’s because I make an effort with my appearance and he doesn’t like it. But he never takes me anywhere where I would have the opportunity to make an effort. I just think he can be cruel at times, and I honestly don’t know how I’ve put up with it for so long. I know this is not normal and I am planning to leave but is anyone’s else’s partner like this.

Don't worry about the finances lovely girl, I left my abusive husband and we (me and the DC) have a lot less money then we used to...but we are so much happier and life is more peaceful; we are richer in every way.

It's so good to read this, am so pleased things are much better and you go out.

What's the old adage? Can't put a price on happiness? Very true.

I'm glad you're leaving - you'll be FAR better off without him!

If it's any consolation, I'm sure he said that because you looked absolutely FABULOUS and he wanted to take you down a peg because he was jealous (either that you got attention or he is insecure that you could have pulled someone better than him if you'd have wanted to). Once you're gone, the weight off your shoulders will be immense.

He's lying for a start as you know you looked great.

He's just jealous and trying to manipulate you into thinking you're not attractive. Probably because he knows he a rotten partner and fears you'll leave. He doesn't have anything nice to keep you so he's trying to neg you out so you think you only deserve a low life like him.

You don't. You deserve a million times more. Get rid of him.

I am really sorry. I have never said this before on here but I think you should LTB. I am sure you looked really good and I think your partner probably felt threatened. I know it's not easy but I want to wish you all the best

This is not normal. Your partner should say you look amazing even if you are wearing a flour sack ! Has he been like this for 12 years ?

@Happyjoe life is good, thank you - I hadn't realised just how much energy it took just coping with his nastiness. Two years on, me and the DC are blossoming, we're in a new home which isn't as grand as the last one but it's peaceful, and through decorating it, I've discovered a sense of fun in myself that had got lost somewhere - the house is a mad mix of grown-up and kid-stuff (posh paint with strategically placed, colour-coordinated Jellycats in nearly every room 😍).

@whatgoeson23 there is a much better life out there waiting for you my love, I promise there is...we will help you to find it xxx

You should point out to him how much more embarrassing it is for a man to have a partner for 12 years, have children and still not gotten around to marrying them - tells me all I need to know about a man.

You’re definitely doing the right thing in leaving. Lots of women have abusive partners, you’re absolutely not alone.

I have found it’s not always as financially difficult as you expect. And even if it is a bit harder financially, it’s worth it to be free of this emotional abuse.

You can leave op. That’s what more you can do.💐

He doesn’t like you, does he?

I bet you looked incredible. Which pissed him off and he had to bring you down.

This!

Do not stay with a man who holds you in contempt.

Women in poor relationships often write the good dad comment as you have done (he is not a good dad because he is abusive to you and in turn them) when they can think of nothing else positive to write about their man.

Seek legal advice on all aspects of separating you from him asap. He is not your friend here and his word means nothing.

Mine was like this. He also encouraged people to make fun of me.

Would you want your kids to be in such a relationship?. No and you would want better for them. Have better for yourself too by leaving yours and in turn your kids abuser . They are learning about relationships from the two of you and they are learning damaging lessons currently.

@Peach2022
Brilliant, just great to hear! And love the jellycats 😁

Show him that his so called useless woman in the shape of you is not useless at all by leaving him to his paranoia. You will all be better off emotionally without his abusive presence in your day to day lives.

Glad you are planning to dump the loser, OP. He sounds vile and you and your kids deserve better than this.

"This is a man who is constantly telling me that he doesn’t want to be with me, and I understand that" then ask yourself if he doesn't want to be with you and calls you useless why the fuck is he still with you?

Because you are his emotional punch bag, he knows he is a completely shit partner and doesn't want you to have the confidence to leave him so when you know you look great and everyone tells you you look great you know he is a liar. Men like this are insecure, immature and this is the only way they know how to keep you is to put you down and make you question your worth. You know you are good enough, capable and strong.

Get your ducks in a row, imagine your day to day life without this constant abuse aimed at you. You deserve better than this and you can have a much better life without him.

I bet you looked lovely, it's such a mean thing to say, I guess he does it to make himself feel better. Do you know why he's so insecure about you going out x

No he didn’t do it to make himself feel better, he did it to bring her down, to make her feel bad, insecure, uncertain.

and he did it as he’s a jealous, insecure controlling arsehole.

What did Harry Styles say? ‘If he’s not making you happy, chuck him in the bin.’
Agreed.

Please do get ducks in a row and get out and away from this abusive man asap.
My DP loves it when I look nice and he loves it when people compliment me. He even goes out of his way to pass on compliments if e.g. someone says to him how nice I look, or something complimentary about my personality, when I'm not there or out of earshot. He's proud of me and pleased when people see things in me that he sees. That's how a healthy relationship works.

Your boyfriend is an abusive controller. I would be getting out of a relationship like this.