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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I looked ‘atrocious’

156 replies

whatgoeson23 · 22/06/2026 10:15

That’s what my boyfriend of 12 years said I looked like when I went to a friend’s wedding at the weekend. I had my hair and makeup done, and I wore a lovely dress that everyone complimented me on. However, yesterday he told me that I looked atrocious in the dress. I was honestly taken aback because I felt lovely in it, and I thought that even if you did think that, you wouldn’t say it to someone. He was in a foul mood when I went to get my hair and makeup done and barely spoke to me for most of the morning. Then he threatened not to come back in time to have the kids so that I could attend the wedding. He does this to me all the time. Whenever I go out, he threatens not to come back to look after the children. He says it’s because I make an effort with my appearance and he doesn’t like it. But he never takes me anywhere where I would have the opportunity to make an effort. I just think he can be cruel at times, and I honestly don’t know how I’ve put up with it for so long. I know this is not normal and I am planning to leave but is anyone’s else’s partner like this.

OP posts:
whatgoeson23 · 23/06/2026 09:31

Thank you, everyone. I didn’t expect to receive so many replies. Every bit of advice has helped me so much.

I asked him again yesterday why he said that about the way I looked, and he said that the comment was directed at the dress. The dress was exactly the kind of dress you would expect someone to wear to a wedding. I had so many compliments so I know it wasn’t a horrible dress.

However, as I said, he also laughed in my face when I came home after having my hair and makeup done. I actually couldn’t look at him because I knew he would think negatively about how I looked.

I know what he said was wrong, and to be honest, he has said much worse over the years, which is no surprise. But hopefully, within the next couple of months, I will be out of here.

Thank you all, I will always read back through this thread knowing what I have put up with is not normal. X

OP posts:
HappyWelsh · 23/06/2026 09:46

whatgoeson23 · 23/06/2026 09:31

Thank you, everyone. I didn’t expect to receive so many replies. Every bit of advice has helped me so much.

I asked him again yesterday why he said that about the way I looked, and he said that the comment was directed at the dress. The dress was exactly the kind of dress you would expect someone to wear to a wedding. I had so many compliments so I know it wasn’t a horrible dress.

However, as I said, he also laughed in my face when I came home after having my hair and makeup done. I actually couldn’t look at him because I knew he would think negatively about how I looked.

I know what he said was wrong, and to be honest, he has said much worse over the years, which is no surprise. But hopefully, within the next couple of months, I will be out of here.

Thank you all, I will always read back through this thread knowing what I have put up with is not normal. X

I’m just so pleased that you recognise that this is him, not you! I bet you looked beautiful. In the future, you’ll be so much happier OP, and he will end up with egg on his face❤️

Dalston · 23/06/2026 15:59

whatgoeson23 · 22/06/2026 10:15

That’s what my boyfriend of 12 years said I looked like when I went to a friend’s wedding at the weekend. I had my hair and makeup done, and I wore a lovely dress that everyone complimented me on. However, yesterday he told me that I looked atrocious in the dress. I was honestly taken aback because I felt lovely in it, and I thought that even if you did think that, you wouldn’t say it to someone. He was in a foul mood when I went to get my hair and makeup done and barely spoke to me for most of the morning. Then he threatened not to come back in time to have the kids so that I could attend the wedding. He does this to me all the time. Whenever I go out, he threatens not to come back to look after the children. He says it’s because I make an effort with my appearance and he doesn’t like it. But he never takes me anywhere where I would have the opportunity to make an effort. I just think he can be cruel at times, and I honestly don’t know how I’ve put up with it for so long. I know this is not normal and I am planning to leave but is anyone’s else’s partner like this.

I’m so glad you’re planning to leave him. Please don’t leave it as long as I did, it will only get worse. Don’t think about staying because of the children, they are being damaged by his behaviour as well. You need to take the first steps towards getting away from him. Speak to your GP, they will no doubt have a list of local services they can refer you to. Call this number ontel:08082000247 0808 2000 247 it’s the 24hr domestic abuse helpline. Get used to using the term ‘domestic abuse’ because that’s what this is. I’m so sick of these men. Take care.

Peachykeenjosephine · 23/06/2026 16:05

You obviously looked gorgeous and he is an insecure little man.

SezFrankly · 23/06/2026 18:45

Time to start planning your escape! Don’t waste your days with a mean jealous small man like this.

RainbowMoonbeam · 23/06/2026 19:07

Imagine being so fragile you still abusively neg your partner after 12 years. He should be embarassed. Leave him.

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