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Noisy new boyfriend and sleep deprivation

202 replies

RainbowFee · 18/06/2026 23:17

I've started sleeping over at my new boyfriend's house. He lives in a very quiet street, other than the odd dog barking once or twice at night and in the morning, he's off the main road, has lovely quiet neighbours, so it should all make for a good night's rest, right?

Wrong... I knew he was quite a hyper person, very talkative, can monologue on for ages until you say, hang on, can I speak please, very witty, quick, intelligent, but he doesn't seem to have an off switch. The first morning I woke up at his house, I could not believe the racket he made! Slamming cupboard doors shut, literally banging dishes and pots and pans around, throwing the teaspoon down onto the bench after making tea. Slamming doors. Waking up shouting and moaning about how tired he is, yawns that would wake the entire street! The TV is put on instantly, blasting out the misery of the news for almost 2 hours.

This all happens around 5 am or earlier. He starts work shortly after 7. I've brought it up with him a couple of times and he has managed to keep the TV at a much lower volume, got me decent ear plugs etc., but a few weeks after discussing it, he's still doing the kitchen slamming and banging. Most recently he cooked a nice meal and I cleared up every single thing, not a single item was left to be put away in the morning and yet he still opened and slammed pretty much every cupboard and shouted about how exhausted he felt.

Anyone else have a partner who does this? It's as if he's making sure he wakes me up. He always slams the front door really hard when leaving as well.

He won't go to bed early and falls asleep in a chair instead of getting to bed to get enough rest before an early start. He keeps saying why am I so tired... !!

I'm beginning to wonder whether he likes me much at all!

OP posts:
WhereverIlaymycatthatsmyhome · 19/06/2026 14:20

Princejoffyjaffur · 19/06/2026 14:07

I think this is likely a summer thing. It will be different in winter.

Can you explain that? I don’t think I am less clumsy and noisy in winter. My dyspraxia affects me the same throughout the year.

My hypermobility and arthritis are definitely worse in the winter.

moderate · 19/06/2026 14:36

WhereverIlaymycatthatsmyhome · 19/06/2026 14:18

Well according to my DD, it does! I am dyspraxic and am dreadfully clumsy. I am not inconsiderate, just disabled.

Okay but @TheHateUGive was making out like it excuses failure to give any consideration to anyone outside of the field of vision.

Paramaribo2025 · 19/06/2026 14:57

He'll have a fair whack of object permanence too, so when you dump him, he won't miss you at all. In fact, you'll probably never cross his mind again. Out of sight out of mind is a big part of ADHD and they do not miss people.

lottiegarbanzo · 19/06/2026 15:38

Sounds like he needs to decide whether keeping you is worth doing some serious work on finding ways to manage his issues.

Even if he does, it might not work out.

Remember you can’t change other people and you never need a reason to leave a relationship.

ExplodingSmittens · 19/06/2026 15:52

lottiegarbanzo · 19/06/2026 15:38

Sounds like he needs to decide whether keeping you is worth doing some serious work on finding ways to manage his issues.

Even if he does, it might not work out.

Remember you can’t change other people and you never need a reason to leave a relationship.

I think the neighbours have already mentioned the TV and the OP has also asked him to be quieter.

If she’s asked him already and he’s still not changed his behaviour then I’d be out. Things won’t improve with time.

summitfever · 19/06/2026 15:52

@Paramaribo2025i have object permanence sensitivity but i also can still form attachments and also have rejection sensitive dysphoria so I don’t think what you’re saying is entirely true. Took me 11 months to recover last time I was dumped

tiramisugelato · 19/06/2026 16:13

Even if he DOES have ADHD, it's not an excuse for him to be a selfish arsehole.

SummerDive · 19/06/2026 16:46

KnickerlessParsons · 18/06/2026 23:36

Well if you’re heavy handed, you’re heavy handed. I’m not sure what can be done apart from getting used to it.

lol

If you’re heavy handed, you learn to do things more gently.
There is no need the throw a teaspoon on the worktop when you can just put it down.
Theres no need to have the TV blaring at 5.00am! So much do that even NDN complained.

I mean children learn to do all those things. So can he!

SummerDive · 19/06/2026 16:50

WhereverIlaymycatthatsmyhome · 19/06/2026 14:18

Well according to my DD, it does! I am dyspraxic and am dreadfully clumsy. I am not inconsiderate, just disabled.

Does it mean you also have the TV blaring at 5.00am?

My dh is ND, so is dc2.
I’d expect them to make an effort.
And for me tge cue is in the fact this man hasnt out the TV down for his NDN nor for the OP. Thars not ND, That’s being inconsiderate.

I also note he went out of his way to get the OP some ear buds rather than trying to change his ways.

Says it all.

Ohnobackagain · 19/06/2026 16:52

Also, why are you clearing up after him @RainbowFee he sounds a total nightmare on all fronts

WhereverIlaymycatthatsmyhome · 19/06/2026 17:12

SummerDive · 19/06/2026 16:50

Does it mean you also have the TV blaring at 5.00am?

My dh is ND, so is dc2.
I’d expect them to make an effort.
And for me tge cue is in the fact this man hasnt out the TV down for his NDN nor for the OP. Thars not ND, That’s being inconsiderate.

I also note he went out of his way to get the OP some ear buds rather than trying to change his ways.

Says it all.

No, I rarely watch TV before the evening. I have been told off for singing at that time though 😆.

Honestly I am just a happy bunny in the morning and forget that anyone can hear me.

Don’t worry though, the DC are adults now and have their own homes. Only the poor cat has to suffer

EmmaB1309 · 19/06/2026 17:26

If your hunch is that he might not like you very much, then trust your instincts on this one.

DebOnDating · 19/06/2026 18:57

People who do this are just inconsiderate, disrespectful jerks. No excuse such as ADHD is plausible either. People with ADD and ADHD can learn how to do things quietly - this clown just doesn't give a damn about you or your sleep!

Once you accept that he is doing all this slamming around intentionally, you will start to look at him and this "relationship" differently. From my perspective, it seems you are there to meet his physical needs and that's it. He is not showing the kind of protectiveness and consideration a loving partner shows his woman. Time for you to ditch this loser.

AliceMcK · 19/06/2026 19:11

I had a house mate like this, she was completely oblivious. She was a lovely woman but sooooo loud around the house banging cupboards she was only about 5’2” but my god it was like a heard of elephants storming through the house ( all wooden floors). She’d get up at 5 am for a run slam the front door, come back shower make breakfast banging everything. I was the last one to get up as I started work later than everyone else it drove me crazy.

The loud talking thing, my SIL is like this, it’s like a foghorn in the house, I had to always ask my DNs & DNphws’s to speak more quietly but it was just natural for them to practically shout at each other. Over time I just would walk away and leave the room when it got too much.

JJWT · 19/06/2026 19:34

summitfever · 18/06/2026 23:26

ADHD screaming out him. It doesn’t get better, this is the package. I don’t miss my exh’s apparent complete lack of awareness that other people might still sleep after he’s up or before he went to bed 🫩

Beat me to it. Adhd was my first thought.

MiddleAgedDread · 19/06/2026 19:39

My OH is a bit like this, although not so much on the talking front. The banging around the kitchen and always having the tv on is the same though.
i think he’s so used to living on his own that he
doesnt realise how much noise he’s making! The other night he actually made me jump while unloading the dishwasher with his crashing and banging of cupboards! There’s often a lot of performance yawning and groaning and sighing. There’s a reason we don’t live together ;)

MrFluffyDogIsMyBestFriend · 19/06/2026 21:26

I can't bear hyperactive ADHDers. I say that as someone with autism and inattentive ADHD. Why are you putting up with this?

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 19/06/2026 21:33

OMG I couldn’t stand it!! 10pm to 7am the house should be extremely quiet if people are asleep. Even if they aren’t - shouting and banging and complaining and talking over you and constant blaring TV is horrendous! Why are you with him?

ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · 19/06/2026 21:41

mcmuffin22 · 18/06/2026 23:29

Ditch him and get some sleep!

This. That is not sustainable on several fronts!
! 😵‍💫

ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · 19/06/2026 21:47

@RainbowFee

Read all your updates.

Defo throw him back!

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 20/06/2026 04:56

I am following this in the hopes @RainbowFee announces she has binned the selfish arse, and is now getting caught up on her well-deserved sleep!

kimberleycowgirl · 20/06/2026 08:23

As many have said, this sounds like very typical ADHD behaviours. Also as many have said, this absolutely does make it acceptable. My 6 year old son is like this by default and he is already learning how to be considerate of others in a shared space. I stopped reading the comments but if no one else has mentioned it it’s well worth him chasing more understanding and/or an official diagnosis. Anxiety, depression and addiction are often symptoms- treating them without treating the root cause (often just working out how to work with your brain not against it) will only lead to more and more heartache.

good luck to you - if he’s worth persevering with I hope you get some good noise cancelling headphones x

Littlemisssavvy · 20/06/2026 09:18

This could be my DH, very heavy footed and noisy, always rattling about and finding things to do, my DD and I find it annoying but are used to it now ie always emptying bins, banging doors, clattering about and ‘huffing/puffing’ ie moaning about everything. you get used to it and I have realised you can use the ‘action’ side productively and allocate tasks that get done. I suspect ADHD now that I understand this more and how it can manifest itself in adults. You just have to roll with it, you can give feedback and DH tries ie has got much better if he’s last up at night but its hard wired.

Daleksatemyshed · 20/06/2026 09:32

Well you've seen a glimpse of the future Op, if you stay with him this will be every day. You're going off him pretty quickly already so I'd be breaking up with him before you end up in a blazing row.

PestoPastaLife · 20/06/2026 10:06

RainbowFee · 18/06/2026 23:17

I've started sleeping over at my new boyfriend's house. He lives in a very quiet street, other than the odd dog barking once or twice at night and in the morning, he's off the main road, has lovely quiet neighbours, so it should all make for a good night's rest, right?

Wrong... I knew he was quite a hyper person, very talkative, can monologue on for ages until you say, hang on, can I speak please, very witty, quick, intelligent, but he doesn't seem to have an off switch. The first morning I woke up at his house, I could not believe the racket he made! Slamming cupboard doors shut, literally banging dishes and pots and pans around, throwing the teaspoon down onto the bench after making tea. Slamming doors. Waking up shouting and moaning about how tired he is, yawns that would wake the entire street! The TV is put on instantly, blasting out the misery of the news for almost 2 hours.

This all happens around 5 am or earlier. He starts work shortly after 7. I've brought it up with him a couple of times and he has managed to keep the TV at a much lower volume, got me decent ear plugs etc., but a few weeks after discussing it, he's still doing the kitchen slamming and banging. Most recently he cooked a nice meal and I cleared up every single thing, not a single item was left to be put away in the morning and yet he still opened and slammed pretty much every cupboard and shouted about how exhausted he felt.

Anyone else have a partner who does this? It's as if he's making sure he wakes me up. He always slams the front door really hard when leaving as well.

He won't go to bed early and falls asleep in a chair instead of getting to bed to get enough rest before an early start. He keeps saying why am I so tired... !!

I'm beginning to wonder whether he likes me much at all!

I know someone like this. We lived together for a year in student digs, now he’s married with kids. I genuinely don’t know how his wife copes. In his case, it’s not at all malicious, but there’s also zero hope of it changing.

I think you need to either make your peace with it (oh the irony) or end it. I know it seems extreme, but there it is. Maybe you could adjust your schedule to wake up earlier?

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