Noisy new boyfriend and sleep deprivation

[RainbowFee]

I've started sleeping over at my new boyfriend's house. He lives in a very quiet street, other than the odd dog barking once or twice at night and in the morning, he's off the main road, has lovely quiet neighbours, so it should all make for a good night's rest, right?

Wrong... I knew he was quite a hyper person, very talkative, can monologue on for ages until you say, hang on, can I speak please, very witty, quick, intelligent, but he doesn't seem to have an off switch. The first morning I woke up at his house, I could not believe the racket he made! Slamming cupboard doors shut, literally banging dishes and pots and pans around, throwing the teaspoon down onto the bench after making tea. Slamming doors. Waking up shouting and moaning about how tired he is, yawns that would wake the entire street! The TV is put on instantly, blasting out the misery of the news for almost 2 hours.

This all happens around 5 am or earlier. He starts work shortly after 7. I've brought it up with him a couple of times and he has managed to keep the TV at a much lower volume, got me decent ear plugs etc., but a few weeks after discussing it, he's still doing the kitchen slamming and banging. Most recently he cooked a nice meal and I cleared up every single thing, not a single item was left to be put away in the morning and yet he still opened and slammed pretty much every cupboard and shouted about how exhausted he felt.

Anyone else have a partner who does this? It's as if he's making sure he wakes me up. He always slams the front door really hard when leaving as well.

He won't go to bed early and falls asleep in a chair instead of getting to bed to get enough rest before an early start. He keeps saying why am I so tired... !!

I'm beginning to wonder whether he likes me much at all!

He is way way too much hard work. You are both completely incompatible. You need to accept that and move on. He and his siblings/relatives simply were not raised properly. It sounds like they were dragged up in a barn. And do you really want a lifetime of attend his family get togethers and coming away with a migraine? Stuff that, life is hard enough as it is. You're not at all compatible. That's it. Full stop. You are absolutely not compatible.

I guess at least they’d know I have ways of handling it if they aren’t!

This!

The more you post, the more it sounds like you just don't like him any more.

His neighbours will be happier when you stop visiting, as at least then he won't be talking loudly to you at 5am either.

Whatever the reason I could not live like this.
I’m an early riser but I try to be as quiet as possible because I want my family to sleep!

My mother used to do this when I was in my teens. Eventually she started to shut the kitchen door but I had to be quite stroppy about being woken up. I’d be very terse with your boyfriend.

My ex is like this, when he is awake, the whole house is. He used to slam the front door so loud when i’d been up with baby in the night

He sounds like my ex. He'd set an alarm for 5am then snooze it about 5 times. So loud alarm - huge physical jump shaking the entire bed - slam snooze button on alarm BANG - throw self back into bed SHAKE. Repeat every 10 minutes for an hour. Finally get up - loud sigh, bang bedroom door, bang bathroom door, slam toilet seat, ram taps on (how can turning taps on be so loud??) Sometimes he'd get back into bed having started to run a bath, and fall asleep again and - even after having flooded the bathroom - would still run a bath rather than have a shower. Then, once the bathroom banging around was finished he'd march into the bedroom. Get one thing out of a drawer, slam drawer shut, open wardrobe, slam wardrobe, throw clothes on bed. Stand up, put one sock on, throw self back on bed BOUNCE, stand up to put other sock on, slam back onto bed BOUNCE, stand up to put pants on, slam back onto bed BOUNCE etc. Every item of clothing meant noise and being bounced around. Then the stomping down the stairs so he could crash around the kitchen. Then back upstairs slamming and banging. Finally he'd leave - bang the front door a few times - bang all his car doors a few times too. Every fucking morning. Every fucking evening. The sense of relief when I dumped him and he moved out was just immense. According to FB he's actually married now so perhaps some people don't find that irritating but I did.

You are incompatible.
Break up. Relationship breakdown doesn't have to be about one of you being a terrible person and one a saint. It can be about one being mildly obnoxious and you growing to hate them for it.

He's not a terrible person.
It's like this: life can be difficult.
If you can't have basic pleasures like waking at your own pace (OK when kids come along it's different) as an adult, what's the bloody point?

If you can't sit there in peace for half an hour having a cup of tea when you are living with another adult, what's the point?

Dump the prat. It must be like being around a giant toddler.

You tolerate it in your children though as you have unconditional endless love for them(usually, sadly sometimes not for some people) , you don't tolerate it in another fecking adult.

That is spot on

Op The lack of consideration towards you is reprehensible it is time to move on. Totally disrespectful.

This is one of the reasons I ended up breaking up with the father of my son. Put me in a bad mood every morning, and his general loudness became quite repulsive.
And the talking over you never stops, became quite resentful and utterly bored of it by the end.

For goodness sake @RainbowFee Just cut him loose. You clearly can't stand him. I mean, I can't blame you, but still!

My Mum is autistic and exactly like this. As a child I couldn't escape it. As an adult, I still holiday with her but insist she stays separately to me (with my Dad, she's not alone).

She gets up early and crashes round the house, flinging open curtains in every room (even if you're sleeping in there), turning up the radio (she doesn't even listen to it), bashing the kettle on the side, rattling cups, slamming cupboards and on and on and on. We've told her endlessly and she just says "I'm not trying to make noise." In her head, she's not intent on noise, she's intent on her routine so she's not responsible for unintended consequences. She does it with everything. If she hurts your feelings in other ways, she doesn't apologise or reflect, she just says that wasn't her intention. Even if the hurt would have been anticipated and avoided by most other people.

It's exhausting.

True but then who could blame her?
He's obnoxious.

She's got to break up with him now.
I'm serious.
The only people that should be around him for more than an hour are his close family and anybody paid to spend time with him. People like him make everybody else want to scream after an hour or so.

Being clumsy is one thing. But talking loudly at 5am and having the TV on full blast are things NOBODY needs to do. He's an inconsiderate berk to you and to his neighbours. He sounds exhausting.

I just couldn't.

His volume control is fixed to a higher setting - impossible to change as he was brought up in a noisy family.

Living with someone like this is exasperating. And draining. It's like noisy water torture! Bang, crash, slam, thump!

This. ^ Imagine being stuck with someone like this? Don't do it @RainbowFee Cut him loose. Let him go!

I grew up with a parent like this, who couldn't control it so justified it as needing to 'wake the house up'.

I married the quietest man imaginable. He moves nearly silently 🤣 this stuff isn't trivial.

I can be clumsy and accidentally noisy so if I need to get up early I set up EVERYTHING I need the night before so I don't have to go through drawers etc. And I close the kitchen door.