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Noisy new boyfriend and sleep deprivation

241 replies

RainbowFee · 18/06/2026 23:17

I've started sleeping over at my new boyfriend's house. He lives in a very quiet street, other than the odd dog barking once or twice at night and in the morning, he's off the main road, has lovely quiet neighbours, so it should all make for a good night's rest, right?

Wrong... I knew he was quite a hyper person, very talkative, can monologue on for ages until you say, hang on, can I speak please, very witty, quick, intelligent, but he doesn't seem to have an off switch. The first morning I woke up at his house, I could not believe the racket he made! Slamming cupboard doors shut, literally banging dishes and pots and pans around, throwing the teaspoon down onto the bench after making tea. Slamming doors. Waking up shouting and moaning about how tired he is, yawns that would wake the entire street! The TV is put on instantly, blasting out the misery of the news for almost 2 hours.

This all happens around 5 am or earlier. He starts work shortly after 7. I've brought it up with him a couple of times and he has managed to keep the TV at a much lower volume, got me decent ear plugs etc., but a few weeks after discussing it, he's still doing the kitchen slamming and banging. Most recently he cooked a nice meal and I cleared up every single thing, not a single item was left to be put away in the morning and yet he still opened and slammed pretty much every cupboard and shouted about how exhausted he felt.

Anyone else have a partner who does this? It's as if he's making sure he wakes me up. He always slams the front door really hard when leaving as well.

He won't go to bed early and falls asleep in a chair instead of getting to bed to get enough rest before an early start. He keeps saying why am I so tired... !!

I'm beginning to wonder whether he likes me much at all!

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 05/07/2026 23:06

This is not sustainable in a relationship.

Tell him you wish him well in his future life, which will not include you.

mathanxiety · 05/07/2026 23:08

WhereAreWeNow · 05/07/2026 18:02

He is always the loudest person in any room. He talks over everyone. He keeps weird hours and regularly wakes me up clattering about. When he does sleep, he snores like a foghorn. He's honestly the noisiest person I've ever met.
It's not great.

What is the point of the relationship?

RainbowFee · 25/09/2026 20:07

I thought I'd come back to update my thread from a couple of months back.

I had quite a good chat with him about it, he apologised... again... I stayed over and the TV was turned right down. He closed the bedroom door and the living room door. It really did seem that he got it. A little bit of coughing but he really was making an effort to be quiet!

Then a couple of things happened that really made it crystal clear that he was an abuser.

The quiet lasted just over ten days, if that. Then one morning soon after, I heard him running up and down the stairs and he stood and fake sneezed outside the bedroom door. Two times, up and down the stairs. Running like he was stamping his feet down. The morning before his daughter had stayed over and he didn't do the fake sneezing... at all.

I got a horrible infection that left me with impaired hearing for a couple of weeks. I was sitting waiting for him to bring takeaway in, I didn't hear him come into the house, he crept up beside me and shouted "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" right into my ear. He claimed he had forgotten I wasn't well. He had never done anything like that before.

Thought you might like to know as I never came back in July.

OP posts:
AshCullen1894 · 25/09/2026 20:44

So what happened? Are you still together?

Wallethog · 25/09/2026 20:51

OMG that update is awful. I’m sorry. Did you leave him?

I read your OP and was like yep, I have one of these, he’s 6ft 6 and built like a shed, with huge feet and a deep voice, he clomps about like the BFG plus he’s clinically hearing impaired so the TV is always quite loud and he snores like mad and gets up at 5am, but he always tries really hard not to put me out and will check with me if it’s too loud or wear headphones, and he will close doors behind him so I am not disturbed. I wear earplugs to sleep and he’s considerate he’s just large and noisy.

I hope you are ok OP

WelshCakeLover · 25/09/2026 20:54

omg OP you had a lucky escape! what a horrid man.

WhereverIlaymycatthatsmyhome · 25/09/2026 21:06

So he’s dumped, right?

PolkaDotPorridge · 25/09/2026 21:12

KnickerlessParsons · 18/06/2026 23:26

Sounds like my DH, who is also very heavy handed and footed. You get used to it.

Why should she? Your bar is low, hers doesn’t have to be.,

RainbowFee · 25/09/2026 21:44

WhereverIlaymycatthatsmyhome · 25/09/2026 21:06

So he’s dumped, right?

Yes.

Last day I was there, he was banging and banging the spoon in the mug after putting the teabag in the bin. Not even stirring in milk or sugar, just banging, knowing I was ill. And he said God I'm just so noisy, I really need to stop this, don't I..?

I decided I was not prepared to explain myself for what felt like the 900th time to someone so committed to misunderstanding me, and apparently, intentionally hurting me.

OP posts:
Ohnobackagain · 25/09/2026 22:21

Blimey @RainbowFee I reckon you had a lucky escape. What a nasty piece of work.

RainbowFee · 25/09/2026 22:27

Ohnobackagain · 25/09/2026 22:21

Blimey @RainbowFee I reckon you had a lucky escape. What a nasty piece of work.

I think so. It took me ages to realise it though, I think because the persona he presents to everyone... including me.... is funny, witty, open, friendly, kind... so I assumed he was just downright ignorant at first... then maybe neurodivergent after coming on here... not, again, that that excuses such behaviour, but it certainly makes it more understandable if you're on the receiving end of it.

But to just keep on doing what was causing me distress after having it pointed out too many times. The only conclusion I could come to was he wanted to hurt me.

And you know, there were a handful of times we were sitting talking when I caught a look in his eyes that made me think he actually hated me.

OP posts:
Mum4MrA · 25/09/2026 23:11

Well done for recognising his abusive behaviour. Hope you find someone lovely and kind 💝💐

Mum4MrA · 25/09/2026 23:12

Well done for recognising his abusive behaviour. Hope you find someone lovely and kind 💝💐

summitfever · 26/09/2026 00:10

That look in his eyes is exclusive to evil narcs and very distinctive. Shudder

WhatTheHellsGoingOn · 26/09/2026 00:23

When he said ‘gosh Im just so noisy’ etc, was it in a mocking tone or overly exaggerated? Like he was making a point bc you’d spoken to him about it and it was covert defiance? And when he fake sneezed, what made you think it was fake? Some ppl can sneeze in a really overly dramatic way but still be sneezing. Do you think he wasn’t even actually sneezing? The fact he didn’t do it when his daughter was there but presumably continued when she left is telling.

How did he respond when you ended it?

RainbowFee · 26/09/2026 01:28

WhatTheHellsGoingOn · 26/09/2026 00:23

When he said ‘gosh Im just so noisy’ etc, was it in a mocking tone or overly exaggerated? Like he was making a point bc you’d spoken to him about it and it was covert defiance? And when he fake sneezed, what made you think it was fake? Some ppl can sneeze in a really overly dramatic way but still be sneezing. Do you think he wasn’t even actually sneezing? The fact he didn’t do it when his daughter was there but presumably continued when she left is telling.

How did he respond when you ended it?

He was laughing, as if it was really funny, and kind of a "look I just can't help myself". It didn't seem malicious at all. But a person who instantly forgets when their partner isn't well and deliberately provokes them is downright cruel behaviour.

OP posts:
RainbowFee · 26/09/2026 01:29

Oh... and he didn't seem bothered by me ending it at all.

OP posts:
WhatTheHellsGoingOn · 26/09/2026 01:31

He sounds a very strange individual. It’s good you’re out of it.

Paramaribo2025 · 26/09/2026 01:50

What a twat.
Sounds like he has a healthy dollop of object permanence too so don't spend a moment more of your time ruminating over him because he will have forgotten you already. A lot of ADHDers have out of sight out of mind.

AshCullen1894 · 26/09/2026 03:06

RainbowFee · 26/09/2026 01:29

Oh... and he didn't seem bothered by me ending it at all.

Really,? Not even a little bit,?

BibbityBoppityTwo · 26/09/2026 03:09

summitfever · 18/06/2026 23:26

ADHD screaming out him. It doesn’t get better, this is the package. I don’t miss my exh’s apparent complete lack of awareness that other people might still sleep after he’s up or before he went to bed 🫩

Yes, was going to say, very ADHD behaviour. Particularly the monologuing and not letting anyone else get a word in!

NewspaperTaxis · 26/09/2026 03:44

It was the monologuing that did it for me, the OP did describe my late father who was a nice fellow in the last few years of his life (ironically a touch of dementia took the edge off things) but was a draining, hypomanic pain in the arse for most of it. He would get up and attack the day. Made you feel like a deadbeat.
I would hear him seemingly be in a fight in the bathroom - he made that noise cleaning his teeth.
He could talk for two hours non-stop really. The other person's role was to make an observation that he could then pick up on for another 20 minutes, it was like throwing a log on the fire to keep it going, you were just the observer.
Charm personified with any stranger he encountered - but no mates at all.

He always had something to say, or rather, he always had to say something. There would be gems among his observations, however. And you could never quite switch off and ignore it, go about your own business.

Glad with how it turned out for the OP, anyway. On a practical note, snoring can be alleviated often if the snorer sleeps on their front, not their back. I've also found the 3M foam earplugs very good. Luckily you won't need this info, however.

FeralWoman · 26/09/2026 07:31

I love your update @RainbowFee. I’m glad that you broke up with him. He was being an arsehole to you. Here’s to peaceful sleeping and peaceful mornings!

Imbusytodaysorry · 26/09/2026 08:58

@RainbowFee ive only just came across your post . I’ve read some stuff on here but this has me at the start saying End this more than anything else I’ve read .
It was screaming an attention seeking abuser ! Sleep deprivation is a classic tactic that is used! You have had a major lucky escape .
If ever a next time I hope you will
be more aware and not let things carry on .
Make sure the ex is blocked and deleted !

slugjelly · 26/09/2026 09:08

I really wonder if you’ve met my ex. He did all this, literally making the theatrical sound of a yawn while yawning, and other silly noises as he woke up. I remember the first night I ever stayed over he wanted to listen to a football podcast as he fell asleep— no headphones, just blaring out. I found it very very rude too.