The Dating Thread 59 - meeting in midsummer with passion ablaze🔥

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I would try to put any worry out of your mind he not take it personally. Just because he’s focusing on his friends for the moment doesn’t mean you’re a less important. Have you tried messaging him just to see how he’s getting on? He seems like a good ‘un so far, so is probably blissfully unaware you’re feeling like this.

@Ilovelurchers Lol at the poem!

Mr Nomad is taking me to meet his mother this evening. Not sure how I feel about this! I would prefer it if we were definitely in a relationship or not, not this weird in between situation we seem to have fallen into.

This poem is perfect!

I'm currently ignoring the one he sent me this morning - I have told him I have a headache.... It gives me a massive sense of dread every time I open WhatsApp, so the headache thing is almost true!

I need to break things off with him really. I have made my mind up, so it's unfair to string him along now - just need to find a way to phrase it.....

It's a strange one - I understand how you feel.

I guess he is getting all the benefits of a girlfriend without the commitment. And actually, if you are happy with that, because you are getting the same, with the same freedoms, it's OK? So maybe just lean into it?

Do you think his mom knows the status of your relationship? Or does she think she is meeting a conventional girlfriend? If not it could be odd and awkward, for you both, and is a bit unfair of him.

Yeah, if I am seeing someone, even if it's early days, I always message them when I am away on a trip - send a few photos of the accomodation or the view from the hotel or whatever .... In fact I often get the person a silly little souvenir and for me that's part of the fun - it's nice to have someone to think about in that way.

Of course he might have done that .....

The positive thing is that it's not as if he usually messages all the time and has suddenly stopped - that WOULD be a big red flag.

I am quite a big texter, and even with my FWBs, one I exchange a few messages with a day, the other one it's a least every two or three days.... So if I am actually seeing someone, I'd find it hard not to message at least daily. But I know for some people that's way too much - it's such a personal thing, and there is no right or wrong.

@Ilovelurchers Your daughter is onto something! Definitely when I was young, I felt like a guy being properly interested in me was a real blessing and to be held onto - unless it was someone I didn’t fancy obviously! Hence so many people getting away with bad behaviour. Keep going! Life’s short, if you aren’t truly into someone, best to let it go.

So I’ve had my first online date - with Mr HR. He was a really lovely guy. Very keen to have the next date almost immediately!

@b0zza1 Do you find London/ big city dating a bit overwhelming sometimes? Soooo many matches, soooo many chats… I can barely keep up with who is who! Whereas in my own area the pool is so small you can swipe through it all in 30 mins and find maybe 5 guys you like.

Here… Everyone seems so attractive and interesting!

Although picking up on many ‘gods gift to the universe’ vibes also.

Great news on Mr HR - keep us updated!

I am a bit gutted as Mr Village, who I really liked from messages (not met yet) and who I had a really nice date planned with next Friday has suddenly gone quiet. He hasn't unmatched or blocked, but a sudden cessation of messages after messaging regularly prior to this .....

I don't know why this still has the power to disappoint me - it happens so often! And is always the ones I really like the sound of ......

Has he said you are NOT in a relationship?

I'd be telling him "you'd better ask me out if I'm meeting your mum".

I would use this moment to reopen a conversation with him. I would be quite blunt /direct here and just say that you don't feel comfortable meeting your mum because you are not in a committed relationship. Can we talk about how you see this so we can check we're on the same page here.

This is better that what I said 😘

Thanks @BoxOfCats I tend to think you’re right, I’m just a bit disappointed.

Did you go to meet Mr Nomad’s mother? I hope it went okay.

How did it go? Really hope you are ok.

Sending solidarity to all of you on this thread who have lost their dads - this is my first father's day without mine and I am finding it quite brutal to be honest.

Does it get any easier?

At least it puts my dating woes into perspective I guess! My dad never thought any of my fellas were good enough for me. And with the benefit of hindsight, he was right! 🤣

Sending love @Ilovelurchers - I still have my Dad but my kids don't 🩶🩶🩶

I love this poem - hope @Ilovelurchersused it?

Yeah - many of my relationships have involved high octane drama - it’s odd not to have this and I think that’s why I text analyse over much at times - but it’s also really nice.

Tbf I’ve had plenty of time to get over drama - the decade long Mr Situationship may have started fiery and confusing but the last few years were low key and a meh approach- but still old habits die hard.

So sorry 💐

Time eases it I think to a point there are more good memories than raw pain. Go easy on yourself today.

I’d feel odd about that - unless it were like an unavoidable thing eg/ he has to call in with something on your way out. Not that I ever like meeting relatives - despite being 60 I still have a 16 year old dread of it!

How did it go?

Ilovelurchers I lost my dad long ago. I don't know if it gets easier but you just kind of reach an acceptance, I think. And suddenly certain memories don't make you cry anymore.

I hope you are alright

Thanks so much for the kind words, all. You are a lovely bunch!

Meanwhile, I don't know if it's because I am more emotional than usual because of Father's Day, but I seem to have allowed myself to become stupidly optimistic about one of my irons I have yet to meet, Mr Village! We have only been chatting a week at most, and because I didn't hear from him after about midday yesterday (perfectly understandable as he owes me nothing, plus he has his kids staying, which he told me about!) I got stupidly quite upset, assuming he had changed his mind about our date this coming Friday.....

He sent a quick text this morning to say all is fine, just busy, but I don't like the fact that I have allowed someone I have never even met that much headspace.... It's a basic rule of OLD, isn't it? You can't let yourself get carried away, certainly before you meet, and even in the early weeks/even months.....

I am going to make sure I keep chatting to lots of others (I have quite a few nice matches at the moment) and also stop thinking about him so much.

(The slight positive is that perhaps I am not as dead inside and incapable of hope as I thought?).

Sorry for rambling self-indulgently..... Hope you are all having a nice day and enjoying the sunshine!

Ilovelurchers Perfectly normal. It makes us frustrated with ourselves, doesn't it! You are doing all of the right things, of course, keeping busy, chatting to others etc. I hope that Friday comes soon for you though!

Playing crazy golf.
With seriousness and depth.
Ow! Lurch hit my balls!

Nice!

Maybe dating haiku is a book...

I think it is impossible not to allow ourselves to get a bit carried away, it is human nature. I hope Mr Village works out!

Second date with Mr Physics was on Saturday. Third date this evening! It went really well. I do this thing where I end up wittering on, starting a story on one topic and ending up on something else completely. It is a really annoying habit of mine, but he seems to be happy to let me do it and is very supportive, affirming and kind.

Quick question for the hive mind - I know he has been seperated from his ex for about 3 years. I know they co-parent well. I know the reason they split is none of my business and his story to tell. Equally, if he cheated on her with multiple women, I sort of want to know that too!

His perspective on why his relationship broke down is quite an important litmus test for me, but I am really not sure if it is appropriate to ask him. Any thoughts?