The Dating Thread 59 - meeting in midsummer with passion ablaze🔥

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I vote shag him 😂😂

This is very strange behaviour. I haven’t fully caught up on the thread yet however if it were me I’d let this one go for sure. I’m sorry lovely x

MrFlintstone You can put looking for Long term relationship or Marriage on Bumble. As well as the more casual ones.

Nosdacariad That's amazing! Really pleased for you! What are the suggestions for making it better? Are they things you are feeling positive about?

Ilovelurchers I love your enthusiasm for mini golf! I really dislike it myself, I just feel so awkward doing it, but there's so many men who suggest it for dates & I always feel like a bit of a strange person when I tell them 'We can, but I'm not really keen on it'.

ElleintheWoods I'm glad that it's a positive experience so far. I don't tend to mention appearance either. Occasionally, if somebody has 6 photos & they are all kind of grumpy looking apart from one with a dazzling smile, then I might say 'I love your smile in photo 2', but I do tend to go for photos with greenery/outside, so I'm more likely to say something like 'Where was that photo taken? It looks beautiful'.

It makes me really uncomfortable when they go on about my photos. I don't mind a 'You look nice/pretty' or something, once, but some of them seem to think that every message needs to mention your appearance.

Saying all of that though, I did have one who made a sarky comment back about how I'm supposed to be looking at him & not the scenery. I tried to laugh it off but he then said that he felt really offended, so I just ended that chat as he was too much hard work!

empirebiscuits12 Oh it's annoying when that happens when you thought there was a connection, isn't it.

Oooh great update!! Connection is always great, best of luck my love 😘

Honestly? I would have got rid of this one a long time ago, but that’s just my own personal opinion.

Lots of amber flags have made a great big red one unfortunately

Hahaha me too!! Sounds like the perfect set up!

This is promising! Just remenber, believe what he does, not what he says. But I am really glad it went well. X

That's so annoying isn't it? I have had this happen too - I suppose they just lose their nerve. Or maybe they are married, and just looking for a distraction not an affair, and realise the game will be up when they are expected to meet them ....

Anyway, onwards and upwards. It's so frustrating tho, I feel your pain. X

i Like that. I know it’s not the point but I think you should ask Mr Teacher to play mini golf! It will definitely tell you all you need to know. (Love it as a date idea. )

@NervesOfCotton @empirebiscuits12 @Ilovelurchers thanks all.

He is going to quit the haircuts and be on time for calls. Time will tell.

The way he responded puts him way up there - it was super impressive.

Wow! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳that’s amazing.

I just wanted to say on this that I have also been in relationships with serious people who appeared to admire my brain but not my body - and it was horrible. I couldn't work out why they liked so much about it me but didn't want me physically. It really wrecked my self-esteem for a while. So it definitely is important! The poems would be an immediate ick for me.

Date 2 with Mr Physics is this weekend, and we are off to an escape room. He is really consistent in his commmunication, which I massively appreciate. Now I am just trying not to self-sabotage.

@Nosdacariad brilliant news xx

Can I join? 1 Yr post divorce, I've looked after myself, done the counselling, got consistent with the gym and generally learned to love myself.

Started OLD (which is a cesspit btw) - met a few frogs and found a gent I feel is worth dating. Kids (25 & 16) are happy for me but I've told them they won't be meeting until I'm sure it has legs.

So far his actions meet his words and he's doing what I need from him. Something I was not expecting! I feel totally calm, no anxiety, nothing. Is that normal? 🤣

Yes, I have had this too at least once before, and hated it in the end ....

I have noticed that being intelligent also seems to be the whole of Mr Teacher's personality - like he is desperately trying to prove how academic and well read and deep thinking he is with everything he says and does....

His ex wife is an academic at a very precious university, and I wonder if he feels he has to compete? Who knows ....

It's making me uneasy though, and I am not sure it's something I want to engage with long term. Whereas I have currently three first dates arranged over the next couple of weeks (they may cancel of course, so not getting too excited) with men who are perfectly intelligent and articulated, but don't have to prove it with everything they do and say?

I have Mr Writer this Wednesday, Mr Village this Friday (he is my favourite so far) and Mr Comedy next Tuesday.

Also a few others I am talking to who I would definitely meet if they offer.....

Though one of them made me laugh actually. He seemed really sane and sensible yesterday when I matched with him, sent lots of detailed thoughtful messages. I went to bed at 11. And I woke up today to 15 messages from him, most barely making any sense, saying things like "Meet at the cafe in the cafe in Birmingham?" You what now????

He had clearly had more than a few drinks! The messages weren't nasty, so I found it kind of funny, but will unmatch I think (though I am curious to see whether he will come back with an apology, or just block me himself).

You can't win them all......

Prestigious not precious.

@Ilovelurchers urgh, people who have a certain "thing" front and centre of the identity are so boring. Clearly Mr Teacher sees himself as a brain on sticks and nothing else. Dull. I find a lot of people are like that about their careers as well. I am in quite an "involved" profession where people make it their entire personality and it gets boring very quickly. If I was being charitable I would say he is trying to impress you, but if you cannot work out if there is anything else to it, then there is no point.

Other three irons sound great - fingers crossed. I would absolutely unmatch anyone who sent drunken Bumble messages! Annoying if he was a good messager before that though.

Welcome @Size40Shoes . New match sounds great! Apparently not feeling anxiety is healthy in a relationship - who knew.

I am glad I have found my people.

@Size40Shoes welcome!

I’m in a similar position to you. I met someone earlier in the year whose actions seem to match his words which is a total novelty given my romantic history. We’re on the same page on things like not being in any rush to blend families, we also share common interests and it’s all been pretty straightforward so far. Sometimes I felt like it wasn’t passionate enough to begin with but I persevered and managed to ween myself off the drama, and now, I’m still a bit guarded but enjoying it. Long may it continue for us both x

I love that @PinkNeonSign I really hope it continues for us both. Not looking forward to navigating the children intro.

Yeah @Size40Shoes I’m not sure how to navigate it, we’ve talked about it and said we’re happy it’s just us for now. It means sometimes there are quite long gaps between us seeing one another when childcare arrangements don’t align (our children are younger, approaching secondary school age) but I feel like we manage it and it works as we’re both in the same boat.

Ive been with my partner nearly 9 months and my kids got introduced earlier than mumsnet standards

Just do it when it feels right

Thanks @Wynter25 I appreciate the advice. I can see a scenario where everyone might get on, the children are similar in age and share interests in just a bit nervous about it.

Depending how old you are you may or may not live long enough to meet MN standards - so just going for it is the best idea lol.

Glad it’s going good.