The Dating Thread 59 - meeting in midsummer with passion ablaze🔥

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@CleanShirt how are you doing today?

Ahh - that’s really good news. Really pleased for you both x

@Size40Shoes welcome and well done to both you and @PinkNeonSign

You give us hope 😍

A bit meh. Had a good chat with a friend about it last night and she wonders if I might not be ready post divorce... 2 and a half years ago!

He's being flakey about Thursday plans so if that doesn't happen I think I'll just let it fizzle.

Was quite upset yesterday which really doesn't bode well I know.

Thank you for checking in x

You poor thing - I am not surprised you don't feel great.

Please don't feel this is in any way your fault or something you have done wrong.

It's his behaviour which is totally out of order. Anyone would be hurt by it.

Do you definitely want to see him again, if he doesn't flake? Or is there a possibility you might feel better if you actually take control and send it? Up to you of course.

I mean end it, not send it.

Teacher has asked if he can send another poem!

He is also being a bit love bomby, but without any actual content somehow. He says he really wants to see me, but it's impossible to determine why, from what he says - he doesn't convincingly seem to find me attractive. It reminds me a bit of a line from Middlemarcg (if anyone knows it), when Dorothea says Casuabon's flirtation reminds he of "the cawing of an amorous rook"....

I think I need to call it off with him - I'm getting more and more off put by him. In some ways it amazes me that I am turning down such a physically attractive guy! But you can't help how you feel......

Oh, and drunk guy briefly apologised and asked me out again! But I can't - what if it's a regular thing for him to get like that? If he had said it was a one off, his best friend's 50th or a wedding or something, maybe..... But this was, as far as I know, just an average mid week's drinking for him..... 😱

Middlemarch! Sorry.

I'm unsure at the moment tbh. He ticks every single box... Except for the big one!

Yeah true lol

Thank you 😊 hows things with you?

Maybe you're only ready for non-dickheads 😁

It's ten years or until one of the kids has their own kids right?!

Yeah right! Basically dont ever blend!

I think you’ve got the ick.

Aaaand Thursday is cancelled with a small apology. Have muted and locked the chat while I figure out what I want to do.

The poems would've given me the ick in the first place, although appreciate it's personal preference. It sounds like you were already not sure on him and he's just reaffirming this.

Not sure on drunk guy either... I'd probably give him a chance but I'm a glutton for punishment and have terrible judgement lol.

I agree with @Nosdacariad it may not be that you're not ready to date but just not ready for dating disrespectful dickheads. You deserve better. I'm sorry he couldn't be better & hope you're ok. Xx

I'm terrible for overlooking things/poor boundaries hence why I stayed so long with my ex (20 years!) But we need to be treated right and not made to feel like crap. Fair enough you may not be exclusively dating but there's a level of courtesy and respect which should be basic decency.

You deserve so much better than this absolute tosser. He does not come close to deserving you....

Never forget, you are the prize. He has been tremendously lucky to get a chance with you. A chance he seems determined to blow....

I know it's tough to see it like this tho, when you have feelings. I have endured SO much utter shit from men like him over the years ....

Thank you. It means a lot. Can't believe I'm so upset over someone I barely know!

To be honest, I get the feeling that Teacher thinks I will edit his novel for him (I made the mistake of telling him I used to do this for my ex, who was an actual published writer, not just an aspiring one).

And I had my fill of being an unpaid PA and editor to a man who didn't really make me feel loved, secure or desired .... So he has picked the wrong woman there, I am afraid!

And I'll be honest about drunk guy - if I had had no other options, or if I had liked his pictures a bit more, I might have overlooked it. 🤦 But I really like my other current irons - Mr Village especially - so I don't really feel I need to take that chance, if that makes sense? I feel like I am in. A sweet spot of OLD at the moment where it feels like a buyer's market! No doubt that will change, like the weather......

We've all been there. Some people just get right under your skin..... And it's always the bastards!

But if you can take control now, even though you don't want to and it goes against your instincts, I really feel like you will be doing Future Cleanshirts a big favour!

This man is heartache and trouble. Though no doubt great in the sack - those ones always are. (And don't they know it......)

Valid reason or not?

Sorry 💐

@Ilovelurchers Amazing, being in a buyers market is certainly the place to be. Love that!

@CleanShirtSending hugs. Even though you didn’t know him, I do think what makes it hard at this stage is when you really thought they had potential and it turns out they didn’t.

@Nosdacariad So pleased the chat with Planes went well. Now let’s see if he lives up to his end of the bargain!