Am I unreasonable over my husband's criticism of my weekly work stay?

[MsRollersk8er]

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I am full time breadwinner with a SAHH, I have worked hard and made hard choices to get to where I am in my career. My husband would only ever have earned minimum wage whilst I have made it to C suite. This means that after I had my children I had to work full time and I still struggle with feeling like im not a good enough mum, not good enough at work ect but I have to do this due to the reliance on me for everything financial. The weight is stressful to bear, but I plough on. The money I earn means we own our house outright, we have good savings and have savings for the children in the future. I moved into a new role based in london 2 years ago. This means that once a week I have, for my own sanity to stay overnight as I live in Lancashire. I have to do this to attend the meetings I am expected to attend. Despite everything being down to me my husband does nothing but complain each week about my night away, even putting words in my childrens mouths like oh another night away, that’s not right is it kids, ect. The fact is I don’t want to be away but its my job. My husband doesn’t work, enjoys our lifestyle, we have a cleaner and our children are at school, I feel awful being away but what can I do? Quit and halve my income? I am so stressed out by the constant criticism, im not expecting him to be happy about it but making me feel worse when I already feel terrible I think is not the way to support a partner. Or am I being unreasonable? We knew this about the role before I accepted it.

Why do you pay for a cleaner when you have a SAHH, isn’t part of a SAHP housework especially if the kids are in school?
I would suggest you tell him you’ll take a demotion in order to get rid of the overnight work stays but tell him he’ll have to get a job to cover the financial shortfall. So what if it’s only minimum wage it’s still money. All the jobs you listed that you do at a weekend he should be doing through the week!!
What does he actually do as a SAHH?

So what does he actually do all day? You are doing the mental load, washing, ironing, food shopping at the w/e. What does he bring to the table apart from being there for your DC?

You do far more housework than I do! And I work a 50 hour week quite regularly as well as a LOT of travel!

your husband is a lazy bastard and nasty with it. I’ve just read your thread from last year. You need to get up the courage to leave him although it sounds like he’ll play dirty and take you for everything he can get.

good luck @MsRollersk8er i hope you find a way through this. And your freedom!!!

What does he do during the week if you’re spending the weekend washing and cooking etc?

This. The kids are at school all day and go to clubs, he isn't doing housework and cooking, what is he doing with all those hours? Does he have a "hobby"? Is he a gamer?

He is a waste of space. YOU do the cooking, washing and ironing???? YOU pay a cleaner!!!!! Kids are in school. What does the lazy arse do all day?

This.

He’s being ridiculous. I do 4-5 bedtimes a week solo (sahm) for a 1 yo 2 yo and 5 yo. I would never complain my husband is at work late or tell my children daddy isn’t here agin isn’t that bad

OP honestly tell him to stop moaning or you will stay in London 3 nights a week in future. What an ungrateful person!!!!!

What does he actually do ? He is bringing nothing to the marriage you must know this. Have you had the serious discussion with him about his living off you & laziness? Are you comfortable letting him see this post so he can see what he is doing to you ? Btw i hope you realise he is educating your children for their future partners (hopefully you realise this is dreadful parenting) is this really what you want tour children to learn from mum & dad ?

I am guessing he is a golfer and/or cyclist

So if the kids are all in school, you do all the laundry/ironing/ batch cooking, and a cleaner cleans, what the fuck does your husband do all day?

Surely if you are the SAHP for school age children you have at least 5 hours per day to get jobs done in the home? ( Of course, this assumes there are no additional needs/ hospital appointments etc to manage) .

Sahm here. @MsRollersk8er Your dh is taking the piss.

My dh works from home but sleeps in another city 3 nights a week- I'm very happy to be on my own. I would go crazy if he wfh non-stop the whole week😅

Do you love him still? If not, for how long have you felt you are co-existing and not in a respectful and equal partnership?

Sounds like he never wanted to be SAHH but did because it was the best option now resentment is creeping in

Diddums. He didn't exactly give up his career. If he's bored, he can go and get a part-time job that fits in with school hours. Or actually do all the housework during the week so the OP doesn't have to do it at the weekend.

I agree with a lot of this. I'd be telling him that next time he makes a derogatory comment about my work in front of the children that I would be responding with 'Unfortunately my darlings, your Daddy doesn't work. He doesn't have a job or bring in any money like most Daddies do, so Mummy has to do it all if we are to have a roof over our head and food on the table. It's not right is it that Daddy is too lazy or too useless to work?'

How would he like that?

Good plan.