Husbands Instagram. Urgh.

[JustAnotherManDoingManThings]

Been with my husband 20yrs.
We broke up for a few years in about 2018 but been back together about 5 years.

I've never really been an Instagram person, had an account for browsing but not really a poster.
DH has an account and its private. Because I don't really use it I've never paid much attention but I have asked him to add me quite a few times because he posts photos on there and I've seen his page before whilst he is on there, and he's my husband so was interested!

Am perimeno so having some bad insomnia lately and for some reason he left his phone on my side table last night so I did the stupid thing and looked.

All his photos are normal family orientated and hobby/interests photos.

But then i clicked on his 'following' and Im just so sad. So many cosplaying women in skimpy outfits. Voluptuous, large breasted women.
And a load of female tattoo artists?! He hates tattoos!

I am having a really hard time with my body lately. I've lost a lot of weight (125lbs) and my body and excess skin is a mess :(
I used to have big boobs but they are 90% gone now and are very saggy and point downwards. I already had very little confidence before this.

I'm just so fucking sad and disappointed in him. Its just so fucking stereotypical and cringy.

He's never cheated on me in 20 years. I don't think its anything like that and i checked his inbox and theres nothing there from any women, just his male mates but Im just sad.

I feel like I don't ever want to have sex with him again TBH.
Im nothing like any of those women. Its not like hes following saggy skinned middle aged women like me. I can never be like all those women. They all look the same, very obviously has a type, thats what gets his rocks off and theyre absolutely nothing like me.

Why do men have to do this shit?? I don't have a fucking account following a load of buff firemen and shit. I don't need that.

Am just lay here now and don't know what to do. Whether to say something or not.

What's the point? He will say it's not cheating or they're old accounts he followed ages ago or something (well you've had 5 years to delete them!)

I know people will be along to say its normal and if hes not messaging them I shouldnt care, but I do. Its made me feel utterly shit.

And you've got hung up on me say naked rather than nearly naked. My bad. That isn't the point of this thread though is it...

No, he didn't cheat on me. He strangled me, broke bones in my little finger, gave me a black eye, cuts on my face and bruises on my shins. Anything else you'd like to know and dismiss?

OP, how are you?

I'm not sad about it at all.

I do, however, think it's a bit distasteful when a woman who is genuinely 'sad' comes on here to vent, to effectively have her feelings invalidated by the 'Oh, that wouldn't bother me.' crowd.

Are you a man?

OP, how are you?

he or she even escalated it to soft porn.

Nope. I'm more into porn than my husband, but it doesn't do much for either of us.

Sweet Jesus

You are in to porn? This just got weird

It sounds like you have a good relationship. Looking through his phone was a mistake.
I love my husband dearly, fancy him and do not want anyone else. But I confess to ‘ogling’ (as you describe it) whether it be in movies, on tv or by googling pictures of actors I think are beautiful. I don’t have insta. It doesn’t make me love my husband any less, or desire him less. It is only human to be attracted to good looking people. He’s not being unfaithful to you and he is treating you well by the sounds of it.

Why? No 😆

But you have an ex. Who obviously watched porn. And you are understandably very sensitive around it. I was just asking if the porn watching was nearly naked women on insta or perhaps something a touch more Revealing

How can you seriously accuse me of being abusive when you're trying to gang up on me. Unbelievable.

I also didn't say OP's husband was watching soft porn. So you are twisting my comments now too.

I said there are examples of soft porn on Insta, then provided the evidence, because you were adamant it didn't exist when it does.

Well a bit more than look at attractive men

you say you’re in to porn!

But you look at porn and to a lesser extent your husband does.

You got it deleted so you know you’re wrong. Phew!

So not at all like what the OP describes!!

Not particularly, just more so than my husband would be.

Explain how it just got weird?

Why, plenty of people are?

Why do you think 50 shades of grey (terrible writing by the way) was so popular and all the other erotic novels (Nancy Friday/Anais Nin/Jackie Collins, tons more). Porn by any other name in book form. Lapped up by women (pun not intended).

Have you read that posters responses on the thread!??

Pause. And re read your posts on this thread.

You are into porn but also so liking pictures of naked women and following OF girls would be considered cheating in my relationship. I have zero tolerance for that type of shit.

Yes, I have looked at porn historically. I also said it doesn't do much for either of us, i.e we don't watch it and haven't for years. I feel meh about porn.

Did you miss the part where I said hiding your actions is cheating in my book. You were bold to assume I was hiding what little porn watching we did.

Red Herring alert.

So it’s not the porn at all you have a problem with.

It is not being open about it.

At last…. So that’s your point. Fair enough

Do you purposely twist the narrative. Quote the full quote if you are going to quote me. I didn't say I was into porn, I said more so than my DH and neither of us are into it.

You also purposely missed the rest of the quote regarding secrecy. Nice try.

You said you were in to porn more than your husband

would that not indicate you are in to porn

either way - all clear now. You have zero problem with porn, indeed used to enjoy it! It is not being open about it

Not sure why you are saying 'at last.' I've been clear in all of my comments.

The issue is also that he is using his social media account to be a perv.

Nope. I'm more into porn than my husband, but it doesn't do much for either of us.