Husbands Instagram. Urgh.

[JustAnotherManDoingManThings]

Been with my husband 20yrs.
We broke up for a few years in about 2018 but been back together about 5 years.

I've never really been an Instagram person, had an account for browsing but not really a poster.
DH has an account and its private. Because I don't really use it I've never paid much attention but I have asked him to add me quite a few times because he posts photos on there and I've seen his page before whilst he is on there, and he's my husband so was interested!

Am perimeno so having some bad insomnia lately and for some reason he left his phone on my side table last night so I did the stupid thing and looked.

All his photos are normal family orientated and hobby/interests photos.

But then i clicked on his 'following' and Im just so sad. So many cosplaying women in skimpy outfits. Voluptuous, large breasted women.
And a load of female tattoo artists?! He hates tattoos!

I am having a really hard time with my body lately. I've lost a lot of weight (125lbs) and my body and excess skin is a mess :(
I used to have big boobs but they are 90% gone now and are very saggy and point downwards. I already had very little confidence before this.

I'm just so fucking sad and disappointed in him. Its just so fucking stereotypical and cringy.

He's never cheated on me in 20 years. I don't think its anything like that and i checked his inbox and theres nothing there from any women, just his male mates but Im just sad.

I feel like I don't ever want to have sex with him again TBH.
Im nothing like any of those women. Its not like hes following saggy skinned middle aged women like me. I can never be like all those women. They all look the same, very obviously has a type, thats what gets his rocks off and theyre absolutely nothing like me.

Why do men have to do this shit?? I don't have a fucking account following a load of buff firemen and shit. I don't need that.

Am just lay here now and don't know what to do. Whether to say something or not.

What's the point? He will say it's not cheating or they're old accounts he followed ages ago or something (well you've had 5 years to delete them!)

I know people will be along to say its normal and if hes not messaging them I shouldnt care, but I do. Its made me feel utterly shit.

So you also thought your husband was a pervert when he was looking at porn?

is that how you would have described yourself when you looked at porn @Walnutslooklikebrains ? A “perv”

No it wouldn't. It would indicate exactly what I said.
Neither of us are into it but him less so.

But indicate that both have watched porn
you more than him

so you’re both “pervs”? Or were?

No revolting stuff on Instagram: No revolting stuff on YouTube.

Oops. Apparently, there is. And, a lot of it.
OP, Im sorry you're seeing all this. I'm with you. Hope you're OK.

Well yes, you could say we were 'perving' when we watched porn. But I'd argue watching a one off porno once in a blue moon does not a pervert make.

Following multiple half naked young women on your socials (that most people access daily) like some sort of easy access wank bank is a different pattern of behaviour. IMO a perv.

Do you make a habit out of asking the same question on multiple comments before a person gets a chance to respond.

I wouldn’t say you were a tv when you watched porn

You would say you and your husband were “pervs”

Following multiple half naked young women on your socials (that most people access daily) like some sort of easy access wank bank is a different pattern of behaviour. IMO a perv.

but if he was open about it… you’d be cool with it?

But not what the Op has posted about

Am I supposed to understand that?

Replace tv with perv!

so on the one hand you have “nothing” against porn but describe someone looking at nearly naked pics as a perv.

you say your issue is the fact he has hidden it NOT the porn. So if he was honest? You’d be cool?

and then you say that you and are partner have watched porn - you more than him. So presumably you and your partner were “pervs”

Indeed not. Just responding to a question.

I hadn’t asked you a question when you responded with that

No. I still think it is disrespectful to OP and even more so as he's been sneaky about it.

If you can't distinguish the difference between someone watching porn clip of some randomers vs following the same women and watching their regular updates, on social media no less, then I don't know what to tell you.
,
One is an instant gratification thing the other is forming an ongoing interest in specific people, which is decidedly more hurtful to be on the receiving end of. I have a friend who has been through this recently and come off social media altogether as a result.

Jesus christ why are you so obsessed with this?

Where has the OP gone anyway, hope she is ok

But if hadn’t been sneaky about it - you’d be cool with it because you have “no problem” with porn.

Roger that

I've answered this above. Take a look.

Context and behavioural patterns are key in determining a perv IMO. I know you think you have a Gotcha but not quite.

Because I have never known anyone get themselves in such a twist on a thread as @Walnutslooklikebrains and at this point - it’s just fun to watch it play out 😆

So you do have a problem with porn? Upthread you said you don’t?

or you have a problem with porn that involves nearly naked SM photos but no problem with other porn? Like the porn. You watched?

Yes as previously stated porn is meh to me. No, I wouldn't be cool about following people on socials.

So you don’t regard what he’s doing as porn

you think that following nearly naked social media accounts is the wrong

The only twisting there has been is you purposely taking my comments out of context and cherry picking sections of my words to quote.

How can I put this as plain as can be to avoid confusion.

The issues I have and why I sympathise with OP are:

1. OP husband has used his social media account, that immediately makes it personal. His name, his friends etc.
2. He has followed half naked women, meaning he will see their updates and content every time he signs in, which is once at day at least for most people. Effectively a wank bank.
3. He has been sneaky about it.

Me admitting to watching porn historically and feeling meh about it doesn't undermine any of the points I've raised here. HTH.

It’s been a lot of fun @Walnutslooklikebrains but DS just come out of tennis so I have to bid my farewell!

But don’t you be beating yourself up as being a perv if you decide to indulge again!

Ran for the hills I'd imagine. Can't blame her.