Husbands Instagram. Urgh.

[JustAnotherManDoingManThings]

Been with my husband 20yrs.
We broke up for a few years in about 2018 but been back together about 5 years.

I've never really been an Instagram person, had an account for browsing but not really a poster.
DH has an account and its private. Because I don't really use it I've never paid much attention but I have asked him to add me quite a few times because he posts photos on there and I've seen his page before whilst he is on there, and he's my husband so was interested!

Am perimeno so having some bad insomnia lately and for some reason he left his phone on my side table last night so I did the stupid thing and looked.

All his photos are normal family orientated and hobby/interests photos.

But then i clicked on his 'following' and Im just so sad. So many cosplaying women in skimpy outfits. Voluptuous, large breasted women.
And a load of female tattoo artists?! He hates tattoos!

I am having a really hard time with my body lately. I've lost a lot of weight (125lbs) and my body and excess skin is a mess :(
I used to have big boobs but they are 90% gone now and are very saggy and point downwards. I already had very little confidence before this.

I'm just so fucking sad and disappointed in him. Its just so fucking stereotypical and cringy.

He's never cheated on me in 20 years. I don't think its anything like that and i checked his inbox and theres nothing there from any women, just his male mates but Im just sad.

I feel like I don't ever want to have sex with him again TBH.
Im nothing like any of those women. Its not like hes following saggy skinned middle aged women like me. I can never be like all those women. They all look the same, very obviously has a type, thats what gets his rocks off and theyre absolutely nothing like me.

Why do men have to do this shit?? I don't have a fucking account following a load of buff firemen and shit. I don't need that.

Am just lay here now and don't know what to do. Whether to say something or not.

What's the point? He will say it's not cheating or they're old accounts he followed ages ago or something (well you've had 5 years to delete them!)

I know people will be along to say its normal and if hes not messaging them I shouldnt care, but I do. Its made me feel utterly shit.

'How did we get to a point in society where women are defending men looking at sexual, mostly naked photos of women whilst in relationships?'

You’re right, it’s not a “man thing”, it can also be a “woman thing”. Does that make me a humans’ rights apologist?

The title of the thread says 'Husbands Instagram Urgh'

MOSTLY naked.

Not naked.

HTH.

@Walnutslooklikebrains , have you had a partner who looks at porn or something, I don’t think I’ve seen someone post so angrily and abusively, so aggressively to other posters about someone else’s husbands insta usage.

Oh stop your hand wringing 😆

you are getting grumpy because you’ve been adamant he was looking at naked pictures when actually - underwear.

and you have a huge problem with this. Fair enough. But no need to get your hankie out that not all of us are the same.

would I actively be happy in the OP’s shoes? No

Would I then think - you know what, this is actually pretty harmless, he makes he feel very very sexually desired and for half is decade when I basically could not function - he stood by me and probably saved our children from being removed by social services

I’ve asked but radio silence
so I guess a response in itself
yes

Same with "there are no porn videos on you tube"

There are. Endless ones.

I found 150 examples on his history: "Boobs, Boob's, Boobs" and "Be Her Dirty Daddy".

Did you view any of them?

On whose history?

Ex H

I actually have no real issue with porn. This isn't about private porn use though is it. It is about using your own social media account to openly look up soft porn and for some reason you can't fathom why his wife might not like that.

I haven't been abusive. Does disagreeing with you always make a person automatically abusive in your view?

@JustAnotherManDoingManThings

Tale as old as time.

im in exaclty the same position.

we did have a cheating incident a few years ago though so these feelings are always there with me.

But for some reason they have flared up badly today.

I hate it. I fuckn hate it.

Like you I can never look like these women. Unlike your husband I can’t see that he has a particular “type”. But certainly young, slim and toned seems to be the general theme.

Like you, ive lost some weight. And I was feeling good about it. But I’ll never be 20 years younger.

im just so fucking sad and angry.

sorry, no advice.

You have been abusive, deeply, and agrressive. Read your posts again.

You say with certainty he's not cheated in 20 years. Yet you can't bear the idea of him looking at clothed pictures of women on IG. You also say he hates tattoos but follows tattoo artists. That's a weird juxtaposition of statements.

It sounds like you don't know much about him at all. But you're a combination of overly sensitive and seemingly fairly naive about this relationship.

Why are you with him now? Why did you split for several years and what changed?

YES. They were appalling. They made me cry. Especially the "Pussy Arse Masturbator", a rubber device you could put your cock in. THAT one was a particular wanky fave

Anyway: OP, where are you and what's occurring

It isn't my hand wringing. I quoted OP.

I was adamant he was looking at what OP told us he was looking at. I then got bundled on by posters adamant that there was no naked or semi naked content on Insta when there absolutely is.

Bottom line, OP is entitled to not like her DH using his social media in a perverted way. That's all there is to it really.

"Abusive" describes behaviour that is cruel, violent, or intended to intimidate and control others. It also refers to the use of harsh, insulting language.'

All I can say is I deeply disagree with you. Please can you point out specifically abusive comments I've made? Having a robust debate doesn't equate to being abusive.

What about “ can you read?’

He’s done nothing. Don’t look for non existent problems. 🤷‍♀️

She sure is!

we are saying what we would do in her shoes

and you feel so “sad” about it not being what you’d do. Which is?? End it?

This is embarrassing @Walnutslooklikebrains

you have repeatedly said that he’s been looking at “naked” pictures.

He hasn’t. I mean, there’s no way around it. You over excitedly interpreted the OP’s “nearly naked” as…. “Naked” 🤷‍♀️

I hope you have cleared your history 😆

and when you say “his” history…. Who were you referring to?

Ah ok.

So this goes a little way to explaining your very evident sensitivity around this issue. What kind of porn was it? “Nearly naked” pic on insta? Did your ex end up cheating on you @LapisBlue by any chance?

@Walnutslooklikebrains - guessing you have a similar experience

Oh you mean that comment I made after you had made comments to me: 'Are you on the wrong thread?' AND 'at least read the thread.' Same difference.