Husbands Instagram. Urgh.

[JustAnotherManDoingManThings]

Been with my husband 20yrs.
We broke up for a few years in about 2018 but been back together about 5 years.

I've never really been an Instagram person, had an account for browsing but not really a poster.
DH has an account and its private. Because I don't really use it I've never paid much attention but I have asked him to add me quite a few times because he posts photos on there and I've seen his page before whilst he is on there, and he's my husband so was interested!

Am perimeno so having some bad insomnia lately and for some reason he left his phone on my side table last night so I did the stupid thing and looked.

All his photos are normal family orientated and hobby/interests photos.

But then i clicked on his 'following' and Im just so sad. So many cosplaying women in skimpy outfits. Voluptuous, large breasted women.
And a load of female tattoo artists?! He hates tattoos!

I am having a really hard time with my body lately. I've lost a lot of weight (125lbs) and my body and excess skin is a mess :(
I used to have big boobs but they are 90% gone now and are very saggy and point downwards. I already had very little confidence before this.

I'm just so fucking sad and disappointed in him. Its just so fucking stereotypical and cringy.

He's never cheated on me in 20 years. I don't think its anything like that and i checked his inbox and theres nothing there from any women, just his male mates but Im just sad.

I feel like I don't ever want to have sex with him again TBH.
Im nothing like any of those women. Its not like hes following saggy skinned middle aged women like me. I can never be like all those women. They all look the same, very obviously has a type, thats what gets his rocks off and theyre absolutely nothing like me.

Why do men have to do this shit?? I don't have a fucking account following a load of buff firemen and shit. I don't need that.

Am just lay here now and don't know what to do. Whether to say something or not.

What's the point? He will say it's not cheating or they're old accounts he followed ages ago or something (well you've had 5 years to delete them!)

I know people will be along to say its normal and if hes not messaging them I shouldnt care, but I do. Its made me feel utterly shit.

What private parts are visible in bikinis and g-strings? They're the same things people wear at the beach or by the pool.

Yes this, its just looking at what he likes to look at. He obviously loves and cares for you too

Mine is the same, thats the sort of thing he probably looks at, Im sure he must do. Ive also lost the same amount of weight as you and have what sounds like the same body. He loves me though. And at our age he is also saggy and baggy, its waht happens as we get older.

I think if you had found messages thats a different matter.

We have all Read it, she never said these things were on insta.

one hundred percent insta doesn’t allow it. As said they are notoriously strict. Madonna famously kicked off about it as she accused them of censoring women’s bodies.

there is no way the ops husband is viewing that stuff on insta, and her op isn’t complaining about that, it’s complaining about cosplay women wearing skimpy outfits and him looking at tattoos artists.

Looking at what? Tatto artists and cosplay. Seriously?

It allows next to nudity. I mean you can be pedantic over the semantics in defending a married man perving on women online if you like.

Are we all going to act like Insta isn't full of sexually suggestive soft porn?

OP said:

'But then i clicked on his 'following' and Im just so sad. So many cosplaying women in skimpy outfits. Voluptuous, large breasted women.'

'But the women at tescos aren't in g-strings and bras bending over a chair 🤨'

'How did we get to a point in society where women are defending men looking at sexual, mostly naked photos of women whilst in relationships?
Well, I'm not a 'cool wife'. I married this man, I made a vow and he made one to me and that should involve him not seeing other womens private parts!'

It's not, actually - they're really strict about it (see the Madonna incident PP refers to).

I have no issue with married men looking at photos of attractive strangers on the internet. I look at attractive men online too, just like I watch films with attractive actors.

“Skimpy” isn’t “naked” @Walnutslooklikebrains

are you always this loose with the detail in discussions?

You'll have to ask OP that one.

Sure, when she comes back, I will.

But seeing as Instagram doesn't allow nudity, I know there won't have been any private parts on display. A g-string is not being naked.

Please can you clarify where the Op says naked?

OP didn't mention naked photos, she said "mostly naked" ie. in swimsuits like the g-string in her first post.

I think the only thing needed here is for you to feel better in your own body. And have the confidence to enjoy your looks. For me that has included a post breastfeeding breast augmentation- as my breast were pointing downwards and the skin was all horrible texture. I don’t see it as a cosmetic procedure only, I see it as reconstructive surgery to amend the damage caused by pregnancy. It’s not a frivolous expenditure if it makes you feel lots more comfortable in yourself. The same with loose skin after weightloss. These things can be fixed (yes it’s expensive)

Sure we should all feel beautiful as we are but frankly we don’t do use this as a catalyst to improve how you feel about yourself and if you need to go to some lengths then that should be a consideration without any guilt. I’ve never regretted having my breasts surgically sorted out. I was so self conscious before and now I’m not.

Yes. As it’s not. We won’t pretend it is to make you right.

It's not like he's following saggy skinned middle aged women like me.

Sorry, but this is ridiculous! If he WAS following women like you, would you be happy then? And our fantasies are our fantasies. He's with you, you say he's never cheated on you, are you also saying that he's not allowed to find other women attractive unless they look exactly like you? I'm sure my DH finds plenty of women attractive who aren't me and don't look like me, and I find plenty of men attractive who aren't him and don't look like him. So what?

Well it is actually. I've just signed into Insta and purposely looked up this type of content. It took me a nano second to find this account: world_ofgirlsss. I think you will find there is a half naked woman on there with no pants on amongst other soft porn.

Imagine having such conviction in being so wrong.

'I have no issue with married men looking at photos of attractive strangers on the internet.' Yeah, this isn't about you, this is about OP having an issue with it, which she is entitled to do.

I don't think she was stopping him, er, tugging.

Then report it, as they will ban thw account, I’ve never see such a thing on there and insta usually acts fast. Howver I’ve no idea why you’re looking up that shit as even the op didn’t say that.

There is no pretending to be had.

Check out the account I just found in a second flat. world_ofgirlsss.

Doh.

The op has not said naked
in fact she has explicit said “nearly naked”

i was nearly naked in my garden today. In my bikini.

@Walnutslooklikebrains have you had an ex who watches porn?

I'm with you OP, I wouldn't want to be with someone who (presumably middle aged) had followed those sort of accounts. Its just a bit rank I think.

No idea where all of the men's rights apologists have come from - this isn't a "man thing", it's not a reflection of your self esteem, you're not stopping him from wanking. I think it's gross.

No, but you’d get further in this conversation if you could dial back the abuse.

Don't change the subject. I looked it up to prove YOU wrong.

Do I need to repeat what the OP said again. She literally said he was looking at women bending over chairs in G-strings and half naked women. YOU said that content doesn't exist, effectively calling OP a liar. I've just showed you that it does exist.

Great attempt to detract away from facing the fact you were wrong though.

Abuse?