Husbands Instagram. Urgh.

[JustAnotherManDoingManThings]

Been with my husband 20yrs.
We broke up for a few years in about 2018 but been back together about 5 years.

I've never really been an Instagram person, had an account for browsing but not really a poster.
DH has an account and its private. Because I don't really use it I've never paid much attention but I have asked him to add me quite a few times because he posts photos on there and I've seen his page before whilst he is on there, and he's my husband so was interested!

Am perimeno so having some bad insomnia lately and for some reason he left his phone on my side table last night so I did the stupid thing and looked.

All his photos are normal family orientated and hobby/interests photos.

But then i clicked on his 'following' and Im just so sad. So many cosplaying women in skimpy outfits. Voluptuous, large breasted women.
And a load of female tattoo artists?! He hates tattoos!

I am having a really hard time with my body lately. I've lost a lot of weight (125lbs) and my body and excess skin is a mess :(
I used to have big boobs but they are 90% gone now and are very saggy and point downwards. I already had very little confidence before this.

I'm just so fucking sad and disappointed in him. Its just so fucking stereotypical and cringy.

He's never cheated on me in 20 years. I don't think its anything like that and i checked his inbox and theres nothing there from any women, just his male mates but Im just sad.

I feel like I don't ever want to have sex with him again TBH.
Im nothing like any of those women. Its not like hes following saggy skinned middle aged women like me. I can never be like all those women. They all look the same, very obviously has a type, thats what gets his rocks off and theyre absolutely nothing like me.

Why do men have to do this shit?? I don't have a fucking account following a load of buff firemen and shit. I don't need that.

Am just lay here now and don't know what to do. Whether to say something or not.

What's the point? He will say it's not cheating or they're old accounts he followed ages ago or something (well you've had 5 years to delete them!)

I know people will be along to say its normal and if hes not messaging them I shouldnt care, but I do. Its made me feel utterly shit.

I really don't understand the issue here. I follow plenty of attractive men on Instagram and TikTok - some are celebs, some are "influencers", some are just men who have popped up on my FYP and I liked their content for whatever reason.

It doesn't mean I don't love my DH or find him attractive, nor does it mean I'm about to run off with Bob from Arkansas just because I follow his social media.

That is NOT what I mean - at all!! Bloody hell fire!

Women in bikinis is not “porny stuff”. Looks like Mumsnet has been invaded by Mary Whitehouse types.

OP I hope you are ok. Noticed you have not come back here. Not at all surprised.

Even if he followed them when you were split up, it shows that he’s “like that”. Bet they’re young too aren’t they. Gross

Why? Because not everyone is shrieking “LTB again!!” ?

He’s following women in bikinis with perfect bodies, of course she doesn’t want to have sex with him. How is a woman supposed to feel attractive against that.
It’s very easy for a man to not do this shit.

Women follow men with "perfect bodies" on social media too.

It's basic human nature to find other human beings attractive and to enjoy watching them - it doesn't mean you no longer like your partner or that you want to go off and fuck them.

You are absolutely allowed to feel how you feel, but if you want to impose a boundary you’re the one who has to enforce and stick to it. You can’t force him to stop looking at women online. You can only tell him you can’t tolerate it and leave him if it’s a dealbreaker.

other people are also allowed different opinions and boundaries. I’m a bisexual woman and I follow men and women on social media that I find attractive. I’m also happy with my looks and body and it wouldn’t make me feel unattractive or shit if my partner looked at other people online because other people being attractive - possibly even more attractive to than me! - does not detract anything from my own attractiveness or how I feel about myself. It’s normal to fantasise or indulge in a bit of lust even when in a relationship. I’d have a different opinion if your partner was actually messaging or commenting on these women’s profiles because that’s just tragic and sleazy on his part.

Why would that make you feel unattractive though? The existence of other attractive people doesn’t take anything away from you. That’s a self esteem and self-image issue.

Exactly. The fact that I find Johnny Depp attractive doesn't make my DH any less attractive.

What? It’s not a competition, you’re not competing with these women. You need to feel attractive in yourself. Most people can admire good bodies and still find their partner attractive. It’s odd you can’t.

Those women are shit too. I love sex and love men but I’d never follow them on social media like that, I’d never feel the need to even when single.

Of course OP is going to feel shit when he’s perving on taut stomachs. Not a good basis for a loving, sexual relationship. If a man wants a woman to be her best most confident sexual self, who wants it regularly, then he needs to make her feel like a fucking goddess.

I don’t need to admire anyone else.

I think you e some fairly big hang ups. These women are not shit, don’t be so abusive.

It’s not a need, it’s a basic human reaction. No one dies from the waist down when they enter a relationship.

I follow a tatoo artist online, i dont have any and dont want any either, but i like her work for some reason.
I also follow a few woman that cos play very skimpy out fits but i like the work they do in making these things.

If OP feels shit because her DH finds other women attractive, then she needs to work on her self-esteem, not try and restrict and control what is totally normal human behaviour.

The fact that you don't feel attracted to other people is incredibly unusual.

He needs to make her feel like a goddess? What claptrap.

You have a very odd idea of what 'perving' is.

Abusive! The OPs husband is closer to being abusive

What in the everloving fuck are you talking about 😂

I do feel attracted, just don’t need to look for stuff online and lay it out for my partner to see.

It wasn't laid out for her to see! She snooped on his phone.

No, because she's not getting the support she needs, and deserves.