He's definitely restarted the affair

[Allthegoodonesareg0ne]

2 years ago my husband had an affair and we reconciled. All was going well. He left his job for a bit and then had to go back. In March he went on a trip where she was, first time since. He came back off. I suspected, he denied. Then he said he hasn't been happy, rhe effort of dealing with my triggers from the affair was too much. He was worn out. He was planning to stay until after my hysterectomy this week and then move out. Since then its been a roller coaster. Warm some days, cold the next. In amongst it i filed for divorce. Some days he wanted to try and some days he was like an imposter in my husbands body. Over and over I asked about her he said he wasn't talking to her.
Today I got forwarded messages between them from her husband. He's been at it again.
He says he wasn't cheating, he'd already decided it was over between us he wouldn't tell me so I'd let him look after me and rhe kids through my surgery.
So now I know. I already suspected it shouldn't be a shock. I'd already said ir was over but I suppose some part of me was hanging on.
No point to this really except maybe to warn others and to get a bit or a handhold as this feels bloody unbearable.

I said the same thing to my friend yesterday!
He's absolutely told her I'm devastated and he feels terrible, she's responded that that is because he's a good person. That it's better for me in the long run, that the children will adjust 🙄
I'm genuinely not sad to lose him. I recognise he's an utter twat.
But I am sad that I lose what I thought I had, at what it's doing to the kids and that I've been made to look foolish.

Absolutely this. It’s the best reply to him and you need to believe it too, it’s the bald truth of the situation.

I mean, when he puts it like that, surely you can see OP that HE is the real victim in all this.

🙄

Oh he definitely is! His life is falling apart poor soul 🤣

Cracking interaction this morning.
Me: my laptop is on its last legs.
Him; well you'll have to see what father christmas brings.
me: who is going to buy me a laptop for christmas?!
Him: what I can't buy you that stuff anymore?
Me: I don't think your girlfriend would like that
Him: aw don't be stupid. (Cuddles me and kisses my head)

At this point I can literally roll my eyes. I actually think he might be actually splitting himself into two personalities?!

I mean, wtf?!

Spot on.

I think in some twisted corner of his brain he actually thinks he's going to end up keeping both of you.

You and the kids in your house so he can come and play Daddy when he feels like it and his love nest for when Skanky Knickers flies over...

I had to laugh when I read that she was busy telling her family and friends how much she loves him, bitch you don't even KNOW him! 😂

🤣 that was my reaction too! They've never even been on a date 🤣

What a broken and confused man. They just want to appear to be the good guy.

The only person he could fool is himself, and probably the OW, loool. They share the same cheaters' twisting minds.

What a narcissist

He's going to feel so stupid for burning down his life when he realises he can't stand the sound of her breathing or that her laugh grates on his very soul and he threw everything away for absolutely nothing.
😂
It's a shame he won't livestream these moments 😁

It'll take them a while to get to that point, she lives in another country (his home country)! He can't move there, she'd need a visa to move here, and he's going to be coparenting our kids.
He'll be sat on his own, in a tiny rental with only phone girl for company as in the ten years we've lived here he hasn't invested in a friendships!
Me on the other hand, I'll be in our house, with our kids, my local job and loads of fabulous and brilliant friends.
Our oldest doesn't even want to sleep over as his dad's house once he's actually moved in.
It's tragic.

How can you bear him to cuddle and kiss you??

Yuk

It's a weird one. He's been my person for 16 years. Despite my better judgement sometimes I'm still happy to have a cuddle from him. Other times like today I tolerate it to keep the peace. Sometimes I flat out refuse as its repulsive.
It's part of why this whole living together while separated is a nightmare!

What on earth does he think he’s going to do in his flat sitting on FaceTime with this woman? Because the thrill/fun of it will be gone then. No cuddles or comfort from you or his kids.

Well that's what I thought too. But he gets the best of both worlds then. We'll just be a standing order monthly and no responsibility. He gets all the feel goods from her, and total freedom.
Except, she's 32 and doesn't have kids yet. She's telling everyone her side they are in love and will be together. So I'm guessing it won't be long until she's looking to move and then he'll have to start all over again 🤣

He’s completely bonkers! Lied to himself and twisted his reality for so long now I genuinely think he’s losing the plot. It’s like he can’t hear himself say these things:
The online ‘relationship’ (that isn’t) with OW who can’t come over here and he can’t go over there,
the victim cards he’s played so often that he’s rapidly running out of them,
the very idea that you’d want a kiss and a cuddle from the man who’s betrayed you, upended everything and openly now has OW in the wings,
the thought that you’d want to hear from him at all personally at Christmas, let alone him buy you presents…. it’s utterly nuts, it really is.
No idea what’s going on in his head currently, I couldn’t begin to guess.
What the OW said though I can totally believe. I actually did laugh out loud when my husband told me (after the question “So what did she think was so fabulous about a gaslighting, lying, cheating, twenty years older married man?”) that his OW liked him because he was “a good man.” 😂😂 You have to scratch your head sometimes, how do they arrive at this conclusion ? The lies we tell ourselves to make uncomfortable facts more palatable are the very worst ones indeed. Affairs live off them.

🤣 this good man thing seems to be a theme!
She's telling her family he's not available at the moment because he's such a good man he's stayed to care for his wife and children through my surgery recovery. I can only assume they can't hear themselves?!
He said something yesterday about an event being a good date. I said well not for us, we won't have any more dates. His response 'oh you never know'
🙄🤦‍♀️
Erm.. yes we do 🤣

😂 What must her family think? If she was my daughter I’d be horrified at her delusion as well as her behaviour.

I have followed along and just wanted to chime in. I hope you’re ok op.

Judging from his most recent comments and behaviour it’s like he almost doesn’t believe that you’ve separated. You forgave him once for the affair (understandable) but it’s like he thinks you’ll forgive him again and he can stay?

I can guarantee he regrets the whole thing, it’s embarrassing for him isn’t it. And he’s dug himself a hole with the AP, too much of a pussy to just end it, so letting her live this treacherous fairy tale abroad.

I wonder if he’s hoping he can fade her out, remain in the family home and get back into your bed without too much drama.

He needs to go Op, when does he move out?

Oh apparently her family are horrified. At her behaviour and his.
It's caused quite the family scandal according to her husband.
They called in the aunts and uncles to talk to her too.
First time around ahe was sending long declarations of love after he ended it (it had been 4 weeks remotely and one night in a hotel after a work event). I think she's a little crackers?! But then so is he so maybe they are well suited.

@Allthegoodonesareg0ne “ a little crackers” 😂 “Batshit crazy” springs to my mind. 😂

🤣
At least the whole saga is making it much easier for me to step out of it.
My daily mantra at the moment is I do not do not need to pulled into this vortex of madness!

While he still believes he is the good guy I would try and finalise the divorce. If his relationship implodes and you aren’t willing to take him back he might not be so happy sitting in a small rental paying you child maintenance while you have the house. He’s being accommodating now because he feels guilty and being the ‘good guy’ in the situation benefits him. When it no longer does he won’t be anymore.

Get everything nailed down now and finalise it asap. Don’t delay in the hope of him seeing sense. Even if that were to happen you could never trust him again.