Page 6 | He wants a situationship, but is acting more like a boyfriend

FairBee · 2026-04-27T17:15:12+00:00

Met a guy who goes to the same spin class as me back in December. I split from my husband 9 months ago at the time, he had just been left my an ex situationship because she wanted a real relationship with the new guy she met. He was really heartbroken. We are both 29, same birthday month. He’s never been married, no children. I have 2 sons. We hooked up on the first date. Second date we went got a walk and he asked me what I thought ‘this’ was. In my mind, it was casual sex with the possibility of being long term FWB. He said he couldn’t do a relationship and wanted a situationship. I said I don’t do those. I’m not looking for a relationship really, but I’m happy to be f*** buddies. Since then, we talk every day. Meet up once or twice a week. Have been to France together for the weekend, go for lunch together and sleep together regularly at hotels. In the last 4 weeks, I’ve noticed a shift in messaging tone. Just the speed and intensity, and keenness to speak to me seems to have ramped up. Wants to talk on the phone in the evenings, and check in daily. Sends me videos and chats, wants my opinion on everything 2 weeks ago, I followed his cousin (didn’t know it was his cousin), on Instagram. He was really upset and was asking why I was looking for other men, it makes him look bad. And makes him feel like he isn’t enough. I apologised since in all fairness, I don’t want him following any of my friends or cousins, and blocked the cousin. I sort of feel like I’ve definitely crossed my own boundary and ended up in this bloody ‘situationship’ scenario. Seems more than FWB. I have developed some feelings for him. I now care about the guy. And as a result the sex feels better. The sex is great. So I’d really miss it! I thought, maybe, he might want a relationship after all? Maybe? I wasn’t trying to kid myself. But the signs suggested it might be true. Today we went for coffee and a walk by the sea. Really lovely. Then someone happened between a couple, can’t even remember what they were doing, and he made a comment along the lines of ‘If we were together, which we are NOT, I’d think we’d do xyz’ I remember on our 3rd date, we had just slept together and he was speaking about his brother having problems with his partner, who has 3 kids from a previous relationship, and they gave 2 kids of their own. He said ‘it also made me further realise how much I don’t want to be a stepdad. So much work involved, and then having your own child and having to navigate that relationship being different to the one you have with step children. It’s all a bit mad’. What do you think is going on here? I’ll be honest, I’ve really enjoyed his company. So don’t mind these outings alongside the sex. But it has ALL been instigated by him. So if he just wants sex, why all the dates and time away? Why not just stick to sex and maybe going for a drink or whatever every now and then? Keep it surface level I have made it clear and haven’t given the impression I need dates or plans to have sex. I was happy to just keep it as sex. Why has he pushed it into this odd set up? I’ve obviously allowed it, I know.

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · Yesterday 17:27

Start dating. He’s made it clear you’ve got no future with him so act accordingly.

Theysignoffquick · Yesterday 17:33

Both of you need to surely concentrate on your GCSEs first

bumblingbovine49 · Yesterday 17:49

Instead of working out what to call the relationship you have with him ( and you do have a relationship,.evwn FWB is a type of relationship) , why not discuss wht each of you wants from each other

What are the boundaries re things like

monogamy, 2) how often you see each other 3) whether he ever meets the children before they are adults 4).holidays 5) helping each other out in times of difficulty emotional and practical etc

See if these are things you both are able to agree on and keep them up for discussion if your needs on them changes

I think once you start actually discussing specifics if what he wants compared to you you will get a better understanding of whether this suits you

Original poster

FairBee · Yesterday 21:59

bumblingbovine49 · Yesterday 17:49

Instead of working out what to call the relationship you have with him ( and you do have a relationship,.evwn FWB is a type of relationship) , why not discuss wht each of you wants from each other

What are the boundaries re things like

monogamy, 2) how often you see each other 3) whether he ever meets the children before they are adults 4).holidays 5) helping each other out in times of difficulty emotional and practical etc

See if these are things you both are able to agree on and keep them up for discussion if your needs on them changes

I think once you start actually discussing specifics if what he wants compared to you you will get a better understanding of whether this suits you

We both agreed we’re just sleeping together. He expects me to remain with just him and vice versa. He said to be honest and tell him if that changes, as he doesn’t want to continue having sex if I’ve slept with someone else. And has told me he isn’t looking for anyone else like that, but he’d tell me. But it’s ’off the cards for him’. Of course, nobody can trust anyone 100% but I do believe I am the only one he’s sleeping with… he has been very upfront about stuff and my gut tells me this is true.

We have been to France together and he wants to go to Spain in September for a long weekend away.

Helping each other practically. He’s driven me to a hospital appointment and waited (he offered), and changed my tyre when I broke down 45 mins away from home. He’s given me advice on some practical stuff and done a food shop for me when I was sick last week. All offered, I didn’t really ask except for the help with the tyre. I can’t think of anything practical or helpful I’ve done so far beyond baking cake (it’s not a competition, just observing)

Tonight we went on a run together and at the end, we were talking about a couple we know falling out. They have children together. He made a comment that confused me. He said ‘I’m glad we don’t really get into all that in our relationship’. And then went onto speaking about our date and hotel booking for next week, what I think he should wear, what I thought I might order, all the rest of it

Said goodbye this evening and he’s pulling me in, saying don’t pull away. I enjoy holding you like this

I am confused. I am going to have a chat with him over coffee on Saturday and ask what’s actually happening as this doesn’t feel so casual, and I need to know if this is right for me.

OP posts:

Bunnyfuller1 · Yesterday 22:18

How confusing this all is now! We had ‘fancying’ ‘going out with’ and ‘one night stands’ that could happen on more than one occasion. Surely if you’re sleeping together and doing stuff together it’s a relationship?

Geminispark · Yesterday 22:21

FairBee · Yesterday 21:59

We both agreed we’re just sleeping together. He expects me to remain with just him and vice versa. He said to be honest and tell him if that changes, as he doesn’t want to continue having sex if I’ve slept with someone else. And has told me he isn’t looking for anyone else like that, but he’d tell me. But it’s ’off the cards for him’. Of course, nobody can trust anyone 100% but I do believe I am the only one he’s sleeping with… he has been very upfront about stuff and my gut tells me this is true.

We have been to France together and he wants to go to Spain in September for a long weekend away.

Helping each other practically. He’s driven me to a hospital appointment and waited (he offered), and changed my tyre when I broke down 45 mins away from home. He’s given me advice on some practical stuff and done a food shop for me when I was sick last week. All offered, I didn’t really ask except for the help with the tyre. I can’t think of anything practical or helpful I’ve done so far beyond baking cake (it’s not a competition, just observing)

Tonight we went on a run together and at the end, we were talking about a couple we know falling out. They have children together. He made a comment that confused me. He said ‘I’m glad we don’t really get into all that in our relationship’. And then went onto speaking about our date and hotel booking for next week, what I think he should wear, what I thought I might order, all the rest of it

Said goodbye this evening and he’s pulling me in, saying don’t pull away. I enjoy holding you like this

I am confused. I am going to have a chat with him over coffee on Saturday and ask what’s actually happening as this doesn’t feel so casual, and I need to know if this is right for me.

Show quote history

He sounds like a complete prick, I’ve got the ick for you

JenniferBooth · Yesterday 22:42

hes an absolute bellend

Allmychickenscometoroost · Yesterday 23:39

FairBee · Yesterday 21:59

We both agreed we’re just sleeping together. He expects me to remain with just him and vice versa. He said to be honest and tell him if that changes, as he doesn’t want to continue having sex if I’ve slept with someone else. And has told me he isn’t looking for anyone else like that, but he’d tell me. But it’s ’off the cards for him’. Of course, nobody can trust anyone 100% but I do believe I am the only one he’s sleeping with… he has been very upfront about stuff and my gut tells me this is true.

We have been to France together and he wants to go to Spain in September for a long weekend away.

Helping each other practically. He’s driven me to a hospital appointment and waited (he offered), and changed my tyre when I broke down 45 mins away from home. He’s given me advice on some practical stuff and done a food shop for me when I was sick last week. All offered, I didn’t really ask except for the help with the tyre. I can’t think of anything practical or helpful I’ve done so far beyond baking cake (it’s not a competition, just observing)

Tonight we went on a run together and at the end, we were talking about a couple we know falling out. They have children together. He made a comment that confused me. He said ‘I’m glad we don’t really get into all that in our relationship’. And then went onto speaking about our date and hotel booking for next week, what I think he should wear, what I thought I might order, all the rest of it

Said goodbye this evening and he’s pulling me in, saying don’t pull away. I enjoy holding you like this

I am confused. I am going to have a chat with him over coffee on Saturday and ask what’s actually happening as this doesn’t feel so casual, and I need to know if this is right for me.

Show quote history

Said goodbye this evening and he’s pulling me in, saying don’t pull away. I enjoy holding you like this

You've already let him cross your boundaries, and now he's confusing you with all the lovey dovey behaviour. He will really really mess with your head. You should end this before you get in too deep. He is playing you, and he's a master manipulator.

somburd · Today 00:10

FairBee · Yesterday 21:59

We both agreed we’re just sleeping together. He expects me to remain with just him and vice versa. He said to be honest and tell him if that changes, as he doesn’t want to continue having sex if I’ve slept with someone else. And has told me he isn’t looking for anyone else like that, but he’d tell me. But it’s ’off the cards for him’. Of course, nobody can trust anyone 100% but I do believe I am the only one he’s sleeping with… he has been very upfront about stuff and my gut tells me this is true.

We have been to France together and he wants to go to Spain in September for a long weekend away.

Helping each other practically. He’s driven me to a hospital appointment and waited (he offered), and changed my tyre when I broke down 45 mins away from home. He’s given me advice on some practical stuff and done a food shop for me when I was sick last week. All offered, I didn’t really ask except for the help with the tyre. I can’t think of anything practical or helpful I’ve done so far beyond baking cake (it’s not a competition, just observing)

Tonight we went on a run together and at the end, we were talking about a couple we know falling out. They have children together. He made a comment that confused me. He said ‘I’m glad we don’t really get into all that in our relationship’. And then went onto speaking about our date and hotel booking for next week, what I think he should wear, what I thought I might order, all the rest of it

Said goodbye this evening and he’s pulling me in, saying don’t pull away. I enjoy holding you like this

I am confused. I am going to have a chat with him over coffee on Saturday and ask what’s actually happening as this doesn’t feel so casual, and I need to know if this is right for me.

Show quote history

This update has made me rethink that yes he is indeed a cock. He wants to keep you bonded to him. They do lie towards this end. Been there and got the heartbreak.

RoseField1 · Today 05:38

FairBee · Yesterday 21:59

We both agreed we’re just sleeping together. He expects me to remain with just him and vice versa. He said to be honest and tell him if that changes, as he doesn’t want to continue having sex if I’ve slept with someone else. And has told me he isn’t looking for anyone else like that, but he’d tell me. But it’s ’off the cards for him’. Of course, nobody can trust anyone 100% but I do believe I am the only one he’s sleeping with… he has been very upfront about stuff and my gut tells me this is true.

We have been to France together and he wants to go to Spain in September for a long weekend away.

Helping each other practically. He’s driven me to a hospital appointment and waited (he offered), and changed my tyre when I broke down 45 mins away from home. He’s given me advice on some practical stuff and done a food shop for me when I was sick last week. All offered, I didn’t really ask except for the help with the tyre. I can’t think of anything practical or helpful I’ve done so far beyond baking cake (it’s not a competition, just observing)

Tonight we went on a run together and at the end, we were talking about a couple we know falling out. They have children together. He made a comment that confused me. He said ‘I’m glad we don’t really get into all that in our relationship’. And then went onto speaking about our date and hotel booking for next week, what I think he should wear, what I thought I might order, all the rest of it

Said goodbye this evening and he’s pulling me in, saying don’t pull away. I enjoy holding you like this

I am confused. I am going to have a chat with him over coffee on Saturday and ask what’s actually happening as this doesn’t feel so casual, and I need to know if this is right for me.

Show quote history

He wants monogamous casual sex from you? And holidays? And practical and emotional support? But you're not 'in a relationship'? Why?? I'm sorry but he is a huge head fuck. He needs therapy before he starts messing about with another woman.

CaseySmith · Today 05:50

Why was he so bothered about you following his cousin, other men saying it makes him look bad - I don't think he gets to have an opinion on that when in a FWB / situationship. He's acting like you're his partner -and a controlling one at that!

Theysignoffquick · Today 06:09

You are absolutely gagging to have a proper relationship with him. You made out initially you were very chilled and just wanted sex but he was getting too serious, but what has become abundantly clear is that you want him to become more serious.

In short, you are simply not ready for a relationship. Just focus on yourself and kids, otherwise you’re going to introduce a whole lot of shite in to your life and eventually the lives of your innocent kids

Theysignoffquick · Today 06:10

I have made it clear and haven’t given the impression I need dates or plans to have sex. I was happy to just keep it as sex.

No you’re not. You are desperate for more from him.

Have some self respect. Please.

AgentJohnson · Today 06:12

2 weeks ago, I followed his cousin (didn’t know it was his cousin), on Instagram. He was really upset and was asking why I was looking for other men, it makes him look bad.

WTAF! He was really upset and was asking why I was looking for other men, it makes him look bad. Why are you so content for this man to dictate the direction of whatever is going on between you? What do you want?

It sounds like he wants the gf experience but none of the commitment. If you want this too, then continue but the “why I was looking for other men, it makes him look bad.* possessive caveman bs needs to stop. If adding someone on instagram makes him look bad, then his ego is far too fragile for a grown up ‘situationship’. You didn’t know that the random you followed was his cousin because you barely know him, for him to be ‘upset’ at this stage, should give you the ick.

Get out from the back seat of this thing because this man’s ’driving skills’ leave a lot to be desired. Start as you mean to go on and start using your voice, there should be no better advocate for what you want, then you. If you aren’t ready to use your voice in your interactions with this guy, then simply put, you shouldn’t be in a ‘situationship’ with this guy.

On paper he may tick a lot of your boxes but there appears to be something not so nice about his curated nice guy persona.

dontforgettofloss · Today 08:28

JenniferBooth · Yesterday 22:42

hes an absolute bellend

This basically sums him up OP, take it from me, he’s messing you around, just walk away from him

aquitodavia · Today 10:25

I think you're right to talk to him. From what you've said in your last update in particular, it seems there is a chance he is now wanting more . But if he doesn't, then his behaviour is pure selfish mindfuckery, so I'd be kicking him to the kerb.

Comtesse · Today 10:33

RoseField1 · Today 05:38

He wants monogamous casual sex from you? And holidays? And practical and emotional support? But you're not 'in a relationship'? Why?? I'm sorry but he is a huge head fuck. He needs therapy before he starts messing about with another woman.

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Can’t think why the previous woman dumped him yikes……

Brambel · Today 11:36

RoseField1 · Today 05:38

He wants monogamous casual sex from you? And holidays? And practical and emotional support? But you're not 'in a relationship'? Why?? I'm sorry but he is a huge head fuck. He needs therapy before he starts messing about with another woman.

Show quote history

He wants monogamous casual sex from you? And holidays? And practical and emotional support?

Unfortunately this is increasingly common. Men happy to enjoy all the above while insisting they’re not boyfriend and girlfriend.

Brambel · Today 11:40

I am confused. I am going to have a chat with him over coffee on Saturday and ask what’s actually happening as this doesn’t feel so casual, and I need to know if this is right for me

I hope it goes well OP and your eyes are opened because situations like this only end up in heartbreak. In this scenario I’m pretty sure it will be you getting heartbroken as well, not him. Men like him tend to become increasingly cold after one heartbreak, I doubt he’s even genuinely connected to you.

I dated a man like this briefly and he told me he was “quite fond” of me, it was so lacklustre and I could tell it was never going to change, so I got out of there quick. I bets he’s still out there trying to waste women’s time.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · Today 11:43

My DB at a similar age and newly divorced started a thing with a friend/ex GF who had a young child. He didn’t want it to get serious as he had 2 step kids from his first marriage and it hurt not seeing them. She did want it to get serious. But he was clear what he wanted. Eventually she met a man whilst on holiday in Canada who also had a daughter and she emigrated there and they now have 2 sons together. DB met his wife a few years later and they have 2 sons together too. No hard feelings on either side.

So with this man, I’d probably end it. He might want a relationship but is unclear in his head re children and everything else that entails.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · Today 11:44

dontforgettofloss · Today 08:28

This basically sums him up OP, take it from me, he’s messing you around, just walk away from him

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Yep he’s a game player.

toiletpaperthief · Today 11:51

The question here is 'what do you want?', he on the other hand wants a GF with all the niceties (sex, emotional support, companionship etc...) but without the trappings, responsibility and the non monogamy because you guys "are not in a relationship", if you're happy with this go ahead.

TerracottaBowl · Today 11:55

toiletpaperthief · Today 11:51

The question here is 'what do you want?', he on the other hand wants a GF with all the niceties (sex, emotional support, companionship etc...) but without the trappings, responsibility and the non monogamy because you guys "are not in a relationship", if you're happy with this go ahead.

Edited

Yes, exactly. What he wants is fairly clear. The Op needs to prioritise what she wants.

outerspacepotato · Today 11:56

He wants The Girlfriend Experience without the girlfriend. He likes the good parts, but wants no ties.

He said ‘it also made me further realise how much I don’t want to be a stepdad.

Has also expressed that he wants to stay over at my house for dinner but I’ve said no. And kept that as a no. Had also asked to use my holiday flat in Malaga with his mum and dad for a weekend, to which I’ve also lightly played off as a joke but think he’s serious

He’s asked a few times to come over for dinner and to sleep together then leave very early (my sons are really deep sleepers in a large house so I know it wouldn’t wake them), but I’ve still said no.

Girl. You are seeing someone who has openly told you he doesn't want to be a stepdad. But he wants dinner in your home and to use your holiday place. User.

Do not let him come for dinner or overnights at yours. This guy is trying to suck you in and erode your boundaries and have a no strings relationship where you cook and bake for him and he has the family dinners and using your holiday flat for his parents, come on.

If you want a real relationship with depth, you need to look elsewhere. He will not be good to your kids so you need to keep him away from them. He's using you for a nice ego boost after his last gf dumped him for someone who would commit. There is no future for you here.

MrsOvertonsWindow · Today 12:00

Oh dear OP - agree with others on here. He's a manipulator. He's even got you worried about his feelings if you dump him.
There's some excellent advice on here and analysis of how he's messing with your emotions. Hope you feel confident enough to look openly at what he's doing to you and to walk away. Good luck.