Met a guy who goes to the same spin class as me back in December. I split from my husband 9 months ago at the time, he had just been left my an ex situationship because she wanted a real relationship with the new guy she met. He was really heartbroken.
We are both 29, same birthday month. He’s never been married, no children. I have 2 sons.
We hooked up on the first date. Second date we went got a walk and he asked me what I thought ‘this’ was. In my mind, it was casual sex with the possibility of being long term FWB.
He said he couldn’t do a relationship and wanted a situationship. I said I don’t do those. I’m not looking for a relationship really, but I’m happy to be f* buddies.
Since then, we talk every day. Meet up once or twice a week. Have been to France together for the weekend, go for lunch together and sleep together regularly at hotels. In the last 4 weeks, I’ve noticed a shift in messaging tone. Just the speed and intensity, and keenness to speak to me seems to have ramped up. Wants to talk on the phone in the evenings, and check in daily. Sends me videos and chats, wants my opinion on everything
2 weeks ago, I followed his cousin (didn’t know it was his cousin), on Instagram. He was really upset and was asking why I was looking for other men, it makes him look bad. And makes him feel like he isn’t enough. I apologised since in all fairness, I don’t want him following any of my friends or cousins, and blocked the cousin.
I sort of feel like I’ve definitely crossed my own boundary and ended up in this bloody ‘situationship’ scenario. Seems more than FWB. I have developed some feelings for him. I now care about the guy. And as a result the sex feels better. The sex is great. So I’d really miss it!
I thought, maybe, he might want a relationship after all? Maybe? I wasn’t trying to kid myself. But the signs suggested it might be true.
Today we went for coffee and a walk by the sea. Really lovely. Then someone happened between a couple, can’t even remember what they were doing, and he made a comment along the lines of ‘If we were together, which we are NOT, I’d think we’d do xyz’
I remember on our 3rd date, we had just slept together and he was speaking about his brother having problems with his partner, who has 3 kids from a previous relationship, and they gave 2 kids of their own. He said ‘it also made me further realise how much I don’t want to be a stepdad. So much work involved, and then having your own child and having to navigate that relationship being different to the one you have with step children. It’s all a bit mad’.
What do you think is going on here? I’ll be honest, I’ve really enjoyed his company. So don’t mind these outings alongside the sex. But it has ALL been instigated by him. So if he just wants sex, why all the dates and time away? Why not just stick to sex and maybe going for a drink or whatever every now and then? Keep it surface level
I have made it clear and haven’t given the impression I need dates or plans to have sex. I was happy to just keep it as sex.
Why has he pushed it into this odd set up? I’ve obviously allowed it, I know.