We’ve been cut out of the will.

[Nottellinganyone]

It’s taken me a while to realise it [slow on the uptake] but my FIL died a year ago and it properly came home to me last night that I’ve been cut out of the will - which isn’t that strange, as I’m only a widowed DIL - but also ds has as well. I really thought ds was a beloved grandchild, and after all we lost his dad when he was a teenager. No money but also no keepsake or message, nothing like a ring or a book or anything.

And now on top of that I feel like a fool for ever believing it was otherwise. FIL once described his will to us years ago when Dh was still alive, and he’d set up family trusts for each of his children and their own families. But I guess once Dh died that ended. I feel like I’ve been shoved out and the door slammed.

It's different if the parent has died. Normally any share that would have gone to their child would pass to their grandchild.

But would you expect their grandchild/your husband's child to be? If that's what you had been told would happen?

Get a copy of the will through online probate records service and see what it says. It could be that things are taking a while.

If your suspicions are correct and honestly, I suspect they might be, I think your FIL wanted to avoid you inheriting the money which as you say is understandable. In making sure that didn't happen he appears to have possibly disinherited your son which is heartbreaking on many levels. (Anyone who says you shouldn't expect to inherit is not understanding that this isn't just about money, it's about whether someone values you enough to think about you, it's about parity with other cousins and on a deeper level it's about the loss of your husband/his father - in your position I would be gutted for my son). Anyway, check it out first - maybe it's just a delay?

When my dad died before his mum, my brothers and I received his share of the will when she died- so his 1/5 share was divided between us. My aunt was the executor tho and we all have a very straightforward relationship.

I didn't start inheriting my grandfather's estate until well over a year after his death and even then there was an initial payment and then 2 further ones later on.

My husband died when my children were quite young and I totally understand why you're upset for your son - I would be too. If it's a complicated will maybe it's not sorted yet?
Wishing you and your son all the best

I can see why this is so upsetting.

Hopefully there's been no jiggery pokery from other family members.

A friend of mine was promised she was part of a will recently but it turns out she is getting nothing due to a tiny technicality. She also expected next to nothing but was refused a tiny keepsake even. Same with DH when his aunt died. It turned out his father had a family before he married DHs mother (nobody knew in the second family) they got the lot and DH was denied even a tiny keepsake.

It's upsetting on top of the grief that people can be so mean.

If he had at least left a Letter Of Wishes for you it would have been something.

If you’ve checked for probate online and there is none then either a) there wasn’t as much in the estate as you believed / FIL told you - in which case, this may be why DS hasn’t inherited anything, despite FIL wanting him to when he initially made his will / set up the trusts; or probate hasn’t been granted yet.

Personal possessions aren’t generally listed in will unless they are of particular value or importance - so the executor would have no basis on which to assume what should be passed on to DS. If you’d like DS to have some keepsakes then I think you need to contact the executor, despite not having a good relationship with them.

This. Pretty obvious exactly why she’s upset - understandably. People here telling OP otherwise are shitposters.

I think it may bring back the sad memory of your DH passing. And how it made your child feel. I lost my dad at 13 and it's a really terrible age to lose a parent. Of course any childhood bereavement is terrible.

But maybe this feeling of loss connected to his side of the family is bringing up those old feelings?

Would you or your child consider counselling? Even if he lost his dad years ago there could still be unresolved trauma?

The money I think you'll just have to think of it that you never had it so you're no worse off than you were before.

Who's to say there'd be any left. And you can't control what others do with their estate on passing. Not that I don't see how it could be upsetting to you.

Can you research the family trusts? Which solicitor handled the probate and if so did they do the trusts too?

Having worked in a small solicitors as a legal sec we occasionally had very complex probate cases, don’t think involved trusts though, one was contesting a will (that was a nightmare!) so j would at least go to them and find out, tell them what you’ve told us. At least when you do this, you’ll know and not be second guessing or upset about this. People can be very secretive about wills and trusts and changing them and letting relatives know ime.

Get a copy as I know my late Mums passed my percentage to my children if I went before her.

However dont assume there was anything. My father is racing through cash now as he is in a care home. Some elderly people drae out equity from their property. Or, as others say, some wills take a while to sort although its unusual for an executor not to mention it - if only to say "dont hassle me yet we have to get probate!"

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How old is your son now? I'm wondering if there is a trust for him but you haven't been made trustee, so you wouldn't necessarily know. My will says if I die before my kids as 25 then their share will be held in trust until that age with my sister as trustee.

I'm shocked at this comment. The daughter-in-law wouldn't expect to inherit anything but the grandchild could expect to receive his late father's share.

My mother died very young. When her mother, my grandmother, died, my brother and I inherited the share that would have been my mother's. It was a tiny amount, but that's beside the point.

Can you check with any of DH's siblings or the executors and find out if there is provision for their DC?

I find it outrageous for FIL to have excluded your child (unless there was no money left). Work out the lie of the land and then ask the executors for some keepsakes too.

Sorry, OP.

You can request a copy of the Will. Until you've seen a copy, then you can't rule anything out. You don't need to contact any of the family members to request a copy. Wills are records that can be requested, in the same way a birth certificate can. Yes, you may need to pay for a copy, but it won't be a fortune.

If it turns out that there's been no provision, then at least you'll know for sure.

Surely no solicitor will break confidentiality to a random person walking in and asking for information about someone's will. That's ridiculous.

Probate can take up to a year to be granted. Depends on the registries and backlog they have. I forever chased them when I worked as a legal sec.

Then there’s investments if they’re spread out, that can be a nightmare chasing them up. From experience. Especially if you have more than one client which most sols have obvs. And then there’s the question of are they decent sols or the type who need chasing up constantly and are they experienced enough? Has the main sol been on leave? Did a locum deal with things if so? And so on.

It’s the grandson being left out (OP’s child) that is causing the upset not that OP hasn’t received anything.

A friend of mine recently saw her dad have to spend 600k on care fees privately.

This happened to a friend of mine. Very wealthy family. Two grandchildren of the deceased child got a modest five figure lump sum, the other two got high six figure sums. Widowed dil got nothing. The deceased son would have been so hurt to have known his parents pretty much cut his family out of the will.

Depends. I’ve had relatives come in asking about a will. The father was our client. They were left nothing or less than they thought as the father had remarried. Depends if OP’s DS was listed in the will as a beneficiary or not. Too late to challenge Will as 6 month limit.

This is a complex case with trusts. Did the sol deal with this in house or was another firm dealing with this? As trusts are complex. My own boss would outsource trusts work or whatever they do, from what I recall. Small practice. OP prob needs to instruct her own new sols as a new case.

Oh come on, OP was told she and her son their GRANDSON would be left something.

That’s a huge difference to expecting something as you’re stating.

Yes do this first. If not done so already.

Because a will is more than about money - it's acknowledgement that you're part of the family, that you matter.

Throughout the centuries it's been a very clear way of conferring acknowledgement and acceptance by parent or grandparent to child or grandchild.

The money helps in a practical sense.

I have various fathers (adoption, fostering, biological, step) and won't get anything from anyone. It hurts, because it's about more than money. At this particular point, I don't need money. It's the sense of being nobody's child and not acknowledged as part of a family.