We’ve been cut out of the will.

[Nottellinganyone]

It’s taken me a while to realise it [slow on the uptake] but my FIL died a year ago and it properly came home to me last night that I’ve been cut out of the will - which isn’t that strange, as I’m only a widowed DIL - but also ds has as well. I really thought ds was a beloved grandchild, and after all we lost his dad when he was a teenager. No money but also no keepsake or message, nothing like a ring or a book or anything.

And now on top of that I feel like a fool for ever believing it was otherwise. FIL once described his will to us years ago when Dh was still alive, and he’d set up family trusts for each of his children and their own families. But I guess once Dh died that ended. I feel like I’ve been shoved out and the door slammed.

OP, here's how to find a copy of a will

https://probatesearch.service.gov.uk/help

Get a copy then you will know and be at peace with it.

Anything around wills right now seems to be taking a crazy long amount of time.

I'm not sure if this is worth doing, it's not something I've done before but my home insurance included some legal cover when I needed to raise a claim on an employer. I don't know if you can use it for anything else.

For your son, not for you, I'd be tempted to raise a letter to ask to see the will for your DS to the executer and ask a solicitor to do this for you if it is covered in the above. If nothing else, it puts in a paper record about it all. It might be that everything is delayed. I'm sure even if you aren't friendly with the executor, you can do so in the right kind of tone.

Really sorry to learn of FIL sad death. Wanted to understand the wording in his will due to my son, his grandson and would have been made aware had my DH not sadly passed away at a young age etc...

It is really upsetting to feel your child has been disregarded. In my husband's family, we were the first to produce grandchildren. My pil were absolutely over the moon and seemed to really love them. They were talking about private schools for them and they set up saving funds for them. Ten years later my husband's sister suddenly had a child and everything seemed to change. My FIL had asked my husband to be executor of the will and so when he died my husband fully expected to manage the estate. It turned out that his sister was now executor and a codicil had been added to say that if my husband died, his share was to be divided between remaining siblings, with nothing for our children. However if his sister had died her share was to go to her partner! It was all very horrible and has tainted everything, I thought I had a good relationship with the in laws, but clearly I was wrong! Oh and their saving funds had apparently been cancelled!
I hope it turns out that your son gets his share and that it is just taking time.

You can’t see why there would be an emotional reaction, or why a mother would not wish to see her child cut out while other relatives benefit? Why a mother wouldn’t want to see support from a family when her child has lost his father?

ffs

Why do you think you've been cut out? Were you ever "in"? Probate often takes far longer than a year to sort out.

I know you're feeling hurt but it's very normal (a) for DIL not to be named (b) for individual bequests of items not to be made and (c) for everything to be left to either spouse or children

My godmother died a few years ago, I hadn't expected anything at all but she had told my mother she would leave me something.

Out of the blue I had an email from lawyers concluding everything and getting my bank details to send me some money as I was named as a beneficiary. So it could be that it's just taking some time.

I completely understand being taken aback and being sad about this, hopefully it's just a situation that's taking it's time.

Surely probate would have been granted in a year? Late FIL's took around 7 months and the entire estate was completed within 11 months.

OP, I get why you are upset about this. I am a widow too and it's difficult sometimes to keep an ongoing relationship with the other side of the family when that main connection is not there. It sounds like you did your best to do that, and that warmth and love flowed from that side, but it also sounds like they perhaps didn't think through the will and how that would play out, or they did and didn't take action to include your son back in.

I agree with everyone you aren't owed anything, and that you should get a copy of the will for your own satisfaction and for legal clarity.

It is hard though, you are essentially imagining what might have been, had your husband been alive. It can be hard, then to accept things on behalf of your son who you feel very protective over.

You also, as my children's grandparents did, know that if a child is bereaved like this, often the family do rally around or make monetary provision if they have a lot of money because that's something that they can do in the face of losing their own son- invest it in the next generation. Sounds like that's what your FIL was thinking at the time, and if they have trusts they must have been reasonably wealthy and so that is not an odd thing to think.

One of my relatives made verbal promises that didn't materialise in their will. I don't even think it was deliberate, you are right, acceptance is the way forward.

Don't let anyone on here make you feel bad, you sound like an amazing mum who kept going when you were bereaved at such a young age, and you are a protective mother of your son. You are more bewildered than trying to do anything concrete here, just making sense of it.

We set up trusts for our 3 sons, their wives and children. When we were asked in the event we lost a son we wanted the trust to go to their wife and children.
It seems sad for the grandchild and widow.
We have lovely relationships with our daughter-in-laws and grandchildren therefore it’s so sad this wasn’t considered. Is there other siblings dealing with the estate?

This happened to my DH and SIL.

It was well known that everything was to be split equally between the 3 children.

DH Mum died and it was then well known that everything was still to be split equally between the 3 children with my DH and SIL receiving their Mothers third.

The remaining two children had the will changed with their Mother (under duress, long story) so it was only split 50/50 because the other cousins weren’t getting anything.

The other cousins weren’t getting anything because their parents were ALIVE!

This caused a massive rift in the family as it was seen as disrespectful to their deceased parent.

DH and SIL could have gone to court and challenged it but they didn’t.

Because for a lot of people things are quite tough financially and it’s a lovely thought that someone cared so much about you they want to help you a little bit. Or if there is nothing financial it would have been a lovely gesture that a grandfather wanted to leave his grandson a keepsake that he chose specifically for him, especially given he doesn’t have a dad anymore. I don’t think being disappointed that this didn’t happen is strange or that the OP was implying she thinks she deserves something.

(sorry that was a reply to someone but seem to have lost the quote)

I totally understand your sadness and even more so if you feel like you will never find out what happened. I don’t think for one moment that FIL didn’t love his grandchild and that that was an act. Is there the potential for some financial mismanagement by your late hisband’s siblings? For example assurances being made to their dad that your child would be in the trust when your late husband was taken out and of course that didn’t happen. If your FIL was not in a fit state health wise to make sure things were done properly I could totally see someone making all the right noises and not doing it.

My children are in a trust alongside my partner and I know there was paperwork attached to that. Do you remember any paperwork happening to do with your son and the trust?

Money and wills in particular do bring out the worst in people, and they might have their eye on the prize. I’ve seen shocking things in my own family when it comes to wills

Is the executor a likely beneficiary? Why are you estranged?

My DH'S great uncle died in September 2023. We didn't receive any of the legacy for 18 months. We have now had three tranches of money but we are waiting for at least one more payment. So it is possible that the will is still taking time to be sorted out.

Over two years since my brother died. His very simple finances still have not been finalised. I occasionally sign something and return it to the solicitors, that's about it really.

Bit of a twatish thing to do though, leaving your grandchild who’s lost his father out. It’d certainly taint my thoughts about dear old grandad! It’s a big deal losing your parents as a child…

If probate has been granted, the will is a public record and you can get a copy for £1.50.
If it has not been granted you can elect to be notified for a fee of £3.00.

I don't know if this has been said already but surely if the FIL named his children as the benefactors in his will, if one of those children predeceased him but left his own children, ie grandchildren, then those grandchildren would inherit their late father's share. This is certainly what happened in families I know about.

If you sure it's concluded fair enough. But I'm currently an executor. The person died 18 months ago and no one has received anything yet. It takes forever. If I was estranged from one of the beneficiaries I would have no reason to contact them until I needed their bank account details at the very end, so you wouldn't know anything yet.

It depends a bit on whether contact was maintained between them after the death of her husband though.

If they saw each other and kept in each other's lives, then certainly would expect promise of inheritance to remain. But if they lost touch, then he might have decided to change the will in that absence.

Iy's quite possible no solicitor has been involved, I was executor of my grandmother and fathers wills, both formed trusts - and setting those up was the easiest part of the process - the vast majority of estates are settled without involvement of a solicitor.

Life interest trusts can just be formed by simple wording in the will, for example, "I leave my son a life interest in my home and on his death to my grandson absolutely", that's it, the trust forms on the death of the testator and the executor has to register it, but gets a 2 year period to do so.

BUT, the whole system relies on honesty, the probate office don't inform the Trust Regulator about trusts in wills, so if no one registers it, and no one complains, nothing happens.

After 2 years the OP could write to the TRS saying she thought a trust was made for her son, they could then look into it - however whether they would with no evidence, I don't know.

That only works if probate was needed, the OP thinks, and may be right that it was an excepted estate, the formation of will trusts can make quite a large value an excepted estate, meaning the will never has to be lodged with the probate office and is never a public record.

And on all those ‘ifs and buts ‘ and without evidence you would feel OK to make a nasty comment to the OP, like the one I was replying to?

My dh’s family will potentially face something similar. FIL died a few years ago. Dh’s grandmother is getting pressure from my FIL’s siblings to change the will so that FIL’s children don’t inherit his share and it is split between the three siblings who are still alive. My MIL is distraught about it and it’s been made worse by the fact FIL’s brother tried to take financial advantage of my MIL immediately after FIL’s death based on a joint investment they owned- FIL’s brother got dh’s grandmother to threaten my MIL with the will to try and get her to sign over the mutual investment to him. DH’s grandmother said to my MIL “if you’re a good girl and sign it over to David and do what he wants then I’ll make sure that your children inherit FIL’s share when I die”. DH and his siblings have told her under no circumstances is MIL to sign anything over to his uncle and they don’t want anything from their grandmother at all in these circumstances.

It’s astounding how money can be more important than family to some people. OP, you have my sympathies. I understand how hurt you must be. Solidarity.