We’ve been cut out of the will.

[Nottellinganyone]

It’s taken me a while to realise it [slow on the uptake] but my FIL died a year ago and it properly came home to me last night that I’ve been cut out of the will - which isn’t that strange, as I’m only a widowed DIL - but also ds has as well. I really thought ds was a beloved grandchild, and after all we lost his dad when he was a teenager. No money but also no keepsake or message, nothing like a ring or a book or anything.

And now on top of that I feel like a fool for ever believing it was otherwise. FIL once described his will to us years ago when Dh was still alive, and he’d set up family trusts for each of his children and their own families. But I guess once Dh died that ended. I feel like I’ve been shoved out and the door slammed.

Will Trusts wouldn’t reduce any tax liability.. is it possible they had less money than you thought?

I can't help wondering if something has gone awry here. Surely the trust would still operate for DS after his dad died. In your position I would ask to see the will. Maybe a solicitors letter to the executor saying that you need to check your son's situation because you were led to believe there was a trust for DH s side of the family. There's no shame in wanting to be clear what happened.

Before nil-rate band transfer was brought in, many couples used will trusts to reduce IHT liability. Many of these wills were never rewritten to take account of the changes.

Oh yes OneGreenSheep it’s very possible - MIL was in a nursing home for five years so FIL might have run out of money/taken equity release etc. There was a LOT of money before that, big house etc so I’d be surprised if every single penny were gone, but it’s quite possible.

But have you actually applied online to check probate?

If there was as much money as you describe then there should be a probate. And if there's probate there is a will online.
If FIL didn't go into a care home his half should be still intact as they don't make you sell all of the house if one person still lives in it (assuming you are in England).
Fist things first check if there is a will. Then take some legal advice. My friend lost her dad and he has set up a trust and it has taken months of legal work to sort out so it could be in motion. However if you are agree a keepsake it's worth speaking to the executor now before they get a house clearance firm in.

Yes soontobe60 I have checked online.

my parents wills were set up so their children inherited equal shares with no provision for descendants. So if one of us had died the money would just have been equally split between the survivors. It might be something like that rather than a deliberate cutting out @Nottellinganyone

I don’t know, Brenda, why are some people lacking in basic empathy for a widow with complex feelings about her late husband’s parents seemingly disinheriting her child? It’s a conundrum!

Something sounds dodgy here. I would be checking the will. If your FIL promised this and was a good man he may well have done it to ensure your ds is provided for. Do you know who the solicitor is? If so contact them as your ds is most likely entitled to something.

.if my own Mum chose differently,yes i would be upset but it’s her money etc to do what she likes with,whether she changes her mind or not.

I’m so sorry for all your losses, @Nottellinganyone that’s a desperately sad position for you and DS. You must have battled many emotional and practical challenges to raise him after the loss of your DH, you’re clearly one strong woman & a loving & devoted mother.
Honestly, I understand how disappointed you must feel - it’s not the actual money but the promise from his Grandfather to leave a legacy for your son; how does he feel about this?

On a more practical level, which seems a little crass given all
your losses, can your DS manage without this anticipated legacy? I’m thinking of him going to university or purchasing a property, for example.

I wish you both well, whatever the future may bring.

So who has seen the will, what siblings did your DH have if there anyone you can just ask?

My Mother changed her will without telling myself or the other executor. It had been longstanding and I had my own copy. We didn’t find out until after her death that she had changed it 3 years before and left it to her favourite child, that left 5 people disinherited.

As a DIL I would expect nothing but would personally think leaving something to my child would be not beyond the bounds of some expectation.

I know it’s hard and painful OP, but I think you owe it to your son to find out for certain if there is money in a trust for him. If you’re estranged from the executor, then maybe they’re deliberately keeping it secret just to be mean. If you don’t investigate, your son could be missing out on money his grandfather wanted him to have. Why have you decided that the grandfather is the villain here, and not the executor?

The aspect that concerns me is that you are the executor are alienated from one another. Is there any chance they might have influenced FIL to change his will?

I think it's worth contacting a solicitor who specialises in this area.

Maybe not, but it’s pretty mean to set up a trust which would benefit your grandchild and dissolve it because your son has passed away. OP is a widowed DiL bringing up their grandchild. They have promised one thing and done another.

I would just let it go, tbh. It's only money. I wouldn't expect to be part of my in-laws' will if my husband died.

I feel for you. My toxic sister and her dickhead husband coerced my late mother to change her Will, removing all the grandchildren, and removing me as her executrix. No way would she have done that freely.

That said, it took more than a year for the estate to be sorted.

I came to say the same thing. I’ve heard of this too where the parents set up a will to just be divided between the direct children and if one pre deceased the parents it’s split between the remaining direct children not passed down to the deceased child’s descendants.
however if FIL told you this wasn’t the case did he have any sort of dementia and maybe forgot to change his will?

My grandparents are all dead but I didn’t get anything from any of them. I honestly didn’t realise that was a thing! I’m pretty sure my siblings didn’t either, so I wasn’t just left out.

does your son have a relationship with his dads family? Could he ask for a keepsake if it’s bothering him?

It's only been a year? The two year anniversary of my mum's death was last month. Her will still isn't resolved. There are some complexities regarding her care debt and her property which have held things up massively. So I wouldn't write anything off yet.

Why are you estranged from the executor? Is there anyone in the family that you are on good terms with who might have some knowledge about what's happening? Does your son see his cousins?

I feel for you and your son OP, I totally understand why you feel upset

If no probate was required it was an "excepted estate", meaning that it had a relatively small amount of money, or went directly to a spouse - trusts can exist as you suggest in an excepted estate, but must be registered with the TRS so you should be able to find out the trust beneficiaries from them - BUT - the executors have 2 years from the date of death to do so.

What about OP's son?
OP has every right to be upset about no acknowledgment of him. I would be very upset for my son if this happened