We’ve been cut out of the will.

[Nottellinganyone]

It’s taken me a while to realise it [slow on the uptake] but my FIL died a year ago and it properly came home to me last night that I’ve been cut out of the will - which isn’t that strange, as I’m only a widowed DIL - but also ds has as well. I really thought ds was a beloved grandchild, and after all we lost his dad when he was a teenager. No money but also no keepsake or message, nothing like a ring or a book or anything.

And now on top of that I feel like a fool for ever believing it was otherwise. FIL once described his will to us years ago when Dh was still alive, and he’d set up family trusts for each of his children and their own families. But I guess once Dh died that ended. I feel like I’ve been shoved out and the door slammed.

It seems harsh he cut his own grandson out - but I find it easier to think of will’s simply as other people’s money. It’s nice if they give some to you but if they don’t you won’t be disappointed.

Whoever is the "administrator" of the estate they need an authority to do so, if there is a will then the will needs to be proved and probate granted, if no will exists then someone needs to get "letter of administration" from the probate office to give the equivalent powers to an executor.

You could apply to the probate office to contest the will which should give you access to the current will

Probate in a year yes. Complex wills with multiple investments to trace and trusts maybe 2 years or more from experience. If contesting will (we had one client and relatives did that) it was 2-3 years and an absolute nightmare but was resolved in the end to everyone’s satisfaction. Pita for solicitors and beneficiaries but satisfactory when it’s finally sorted.

Make wills people. Don’t die intestate. Update wills if there are changes required with codicils. Complex matters like trusts get proper legal advice. Expensive but worth it. Ensure solicitors are SRA and law society regulated. Check reviews online.

Of course it's harsh and if course OP is disappointed for her son. It's almost inexplicable behaviour to write out your deceased son's child, and there's no escaping the feeling that FIL didn't love his grandchild or see him as part of the family any more.

I just hope that that isn't what's happened. As I mentioned earlier, it's been over two years and my mum's estate still isn't finalised, and I've not been able to pay anyone.

The same thing happened to DH.

His dad died before his Grandma and so when his Grandma died he thought he and his sister would get their dads share.

Turns out after his dad died, his aunty persuaded his granny to change her will and only leave to the aunty.

It has caused a lot of upset and an unpleasant family rift.

I’m so sorry to hear this and understand how upsetting it must be. My children received their dad’s share of his inheritance and it has given me such a sense of security knowing that they have money for their future. I didn’t get anything, and I didn’t expect to but it takes a real pressure off me knowing they’ve a nest egg to get them started. Do follow if up.

I also know, from the incredible way they have behaved that my SIL & BIL would have no way allowed themselves to take their brothers share even if his children had been excluded after his death

Interesting. My ex boss rarely got involved in trusts because as you say they’re complex. I also only ever came across trusts when I worked for a large accountants as a PA in non doms dept. Oh and when my great uncle died and left trusts for me and DB but i was only 9 then! Don’t have much to do with them now just get regular payments. Trusts dept at accountants were across the corridor. Had to occasionally cover their workload as PA. Never dealt with trust solicitors. Or rarely. They’re a specialist breed.

If probate’s not required then there won’t be a significant sum left?

technically any estate over £5000 should go through probate.

although I do realise it is possible for an executor to simply not do their job, and many banks will let you take up to £50k without needing probate. There’s a lot of opportunity for fraud in estate accounting.

issue is if you are not a beneficiary you can’t request the will/accounts. And you don’t know if you’re a beneficiary without the will!

the only thing I can think of you could do is check the land registry, Rightmove etc for a ownership of the house. If it was sold a while ago chances are it’s gone on care.

it’s 4 years since my mil died and it’s all still tied up due to executor fraud. No one will agree until the fraud issue is sorted- and guess who is the only one that can report fraud for investigation- yep, the executor. We aren’t even sure if probate has been granted as one of the other siblings claims they’ve had it revoked somehow.

i really do think the probate and wills shitshow should be more open, subject to checks and balances, and be easier to challenge. It would cost you thousands to take the executor to court to see the will, then if you aren’t in it you just have a hefty legal fees bill.

Did he perhaps run out of money and use it all for his care? I don't expect to receive anything from my mum- bless her soul- because women in our family live till a 100, and it's likely going to be used for her care.

I understand - you're sad on behalf of your DH and DS, not that you were trying to grab anything for yourself.

If you're still close to anyone in the family, it would be worth mentioning it. My GF cut one of his 5 children (and by extension her children) out of his will. When the executor read the will and realised his sister and her kids had been cut out, he got the other siblings together and they agreed to vary the will to split it evenly between all 5 of them. There were reasons the GF cut her out, but it had nothing to do with the other kids (or her kids) and they weren't prepared for there to be a family rift over it caused by the dead parent who was no longer around to control them all through money.

Helpful. What a consolation that will be for the op.

It sounds to me that the executor could have had something to do with the situation, if it turns out to be as you believe, that you and DS have been cut out.
From my personal experience, these 'trusted' individuals can be manipulative in their own interests, when the elderly person is frail and has money.
Particularly beware the 'virtuous characters'!.

Yep. It definitely could be the case that the executor has not been able to contact them all or there maybe another reason.

Im sorry OP. Totally understand you feel awful about this. Most of us would.

This situation happened in my family. An adult son died, his wife remarried and had a second child with him and the older child was left out. I didn't agree with it at all and said so.

I'm not sure what you could or should do but feel for you.

You need to see the will, a friend of ours just found out that he was left money in his aunt’s will who died 5 years ago and it was never passed on.

Something similar happened to us

My Dad died when I was 11, and his dad died about 4 or 5 years later - we didn't have a relationship with his dad, as he'd been physically and mentally abusive to them and my Grandmother had divorced him when her children were young and she ended up marrying my Grandad (step, but only ever called G-dad as he was all we ever knew)

When Bio-Gdad died, his will specifically stated that only his living children would inherit..... Meaning my Aunt and Uncle got a not-insubstantial inheritance, including a very valuable property in a major city near a university

Although we never expected to inherit from someone we didn't know, my mum was (rightly, IMO) upset that her BIL and SIL - who supposedly adored their big brother, and were devastated when he died suddenly - would let his 3 children get nothing while she worked 2 jobs to keep us fed, clothed etc...

Our family never really recovered from that. Yes the Will was explicit, and we weren't entitled to a penny but Aunt and Uncle still could have given us something. It made us feel like we ceased to be their family once Dad had died and all they cared about was money

I think for your child and his grandchild this is abysmal. I can understand why he would skip you as the DIL, but definitely provision should have been made for the grandchild.

This is probably more common than we generally know.

My partner was cut off from his grandfather’s will when he was told all along he was in there. His mom and grandmother have died and he did everything for his grandfather: appointments, home maintenance, eventually moving him in free of charge, etc.
Relevant detail, apparently: DP was a step grandchild, but he never met any other grandparents. This is all he’s ever known.

It was all left to his two biological children. Who then proceeded to not even include one photo of my DP during the funeral. He was doubly devastated, not only for the death and then later on for this massive kick in the face.

So sorry if this is the case for you and also sorry that some people are being insensitive. I would be really surprised if probate were not needed in this situation. My parents left everything to each other and then equally to my sibling and I. We did not need probate when my first parent died - but did for the second. Even with trusts for beneficiaries, any significant bank balances and property require probate. If you are estranged from the executor, this is also a concern as nobody checks that a will is followed (unless solicitor named as a joint executor). There may be provision that has not been honoured - so you really need to see the will.

Maybe not, and I agree, but I would certainly expect my children (grandchildren of the deceased) to be, and I benefitted from just this when I lost a parent young and my grandparent afterward.

All the best OP this is a horrible situation

That’s very hurtful. I have to say I would get a copy of the will when it’s available and doublecheck just to satisfy myself and then I’d have bugger to do with that family.

I totally agree. As I said earlier, I wasn’t included in my IL’s will, it never occurred to me that I could be, but my husbands share was divided equally between my kids and I would have been truly devastated if that hadn’t been the case

Have you actually seen the Will OP? Are you sure you have been cut out and its not just the family saying you have?

DH’s mum died a year ago and probate still hasn’t been granted.

I understand the hurt OP. I’m sorry this has happened. My dd is estranged from her father after years of abuse and coercive control, and when her grandfather died he left her nothing. The other grandchildren will all inherit what grandfather left to my ex and his sister, but no thought was ever given to my dd after all she went through.
it’s hard, but best to just move on and put it behind you.