We’ve been cut out of the will.

[Nottellinganyone]

It’s taken me a while to realise it [slow on the uptake] but my FIL died a year ago and it properly came home to me last night that I’ve been cut out of the will - which isn’t that strange, as I’m only a widowed DIL - but also ds has as well. I really thought ds was a beloved grandchild, and after all we lost his dad when he was a teenager. No money but also no keepsake or message, nothing like a ring or a book or anything.

And now on top of that I feel like a fool for ever believing it was otherwise. FIL once described his will to us years ago when Dh was still alive, and he’d set up family trusts for each of his children and their own families. But I guess once Dh died that ended. I feel like I’ve been shoved out and the door slammed.

I also agree it may be too soon to say whether your DS was disinherited, OP.

Very curious about that board listing family members though. Did one of this other children do that?

You can request a copy of a will via this website https://www.gov.uk/search-will-probate. Executors won’t know you have.
An aunt mentioned she’d left me something in her will, after a year had passed out of curiosity I downloaded her will. I wasn’t in it, I didn’t understand any of it TBH, it was all about a trust for her spendthrift son. Nothing about her daughter whom she was close to. I suspect it was a way of avoiding IHT liability but at that point it’s none of my business.

What a sad situation.

Did your DH have any siblings? Is there anyone in the family that you can ask?

I do think it’s very odd for them not to have left anything for your DS, surely he should have inherited whatever was due to be inherited by your DH? But I am in France, where children cannot be disinherited or left out of a will, and if an adult child predeceases their parent, then their share passes to their own children.

Hopefully things are just taking a bit of time to be sorted out. Is there another member of the family that you are closer to, who could perhaps find out for you?

If MIL was in a care home for years, it could be that a significant amount of the value of their home was owed for her care (assuming you're in the UK, if the local authority pays for care they can sometimes put a charge against the house for payment when the other spouse dies/sells up).

If it turns out that you and your DS have been cut out, it may well not be a reflection of your FIL's affection for you. I think something similar is likely to happen when DM passes. She and DF were always adamant that all children/grandchildren should be treated completely equally and that as older brother had died his widow should inherit in his place. DF passed a while ago and DM's will now says that her estate is to be split equally between me, SIL, younger brother and each of the grandchildren. I know that DM and DF discussed various options at length when brother died and decided that this was their wish. Younger brother, who is very much the Golden Child, is now 'encouraging' mum to agree that the current will is actually unfair. In his opinion it's not fair that SIL would inherit when his partner won't or that each grandchild will inherit the same when he has only on child and SIL and I each have 2. Mum's starting to come round to his way of thinking and talking about changing her will to give 1/3 between SIL's children, 1/3 between my children and 1/3 for him (as his child is very young and the other grandchildren are over 18). He's also started making a lot of comments about whether SIL's children and my children actually 'need' inheritance as much as he does. I suspect his plan is to persuade mum to leave everything to him. I know it's not what our parents wanted but as she has mental capacity there's absolutely nothing I will be able to do about it if she decides to make that change.

I'm very sorry @Nottellinganyone . This happened to my cousin who lost his father when was a child - his grandparents just rewrote their will and divided his father's share between their other children. I don't think my aunt, who then had to struggle to raise her son alone, ever forgave them. In my cousin's case though, one of his aunts made him heir to her estate, so he did eventually inherit from his father's side, even if it was 20 years later than it might have been.

There's no reason to be so curt, ffs.

The OP has lost her DH, both her parents, and both IL's. This is about the deceased's grandchild, and the trust that the FIL had previously mentioned. The OP isn't wanting to grasp any money for herself.

I think if there is a trust I would want to find out a bit more. They are incredibly complicated, but depending on how they are set up, they can pass to the offspring of the original trust beneficiary. And again, depending on how they are set up the funds don't have to be dispersed equally between all beneficiaries. If your DH's siblings are trustees, the trust may be set up so they can disperse funds to beneficiaries as they see fit. Under certain circumstances they could agree to disperse all funds between themselves, exluding your son if he is a beneficiary. Also if its set up as a trust, it won't have been used to pay for MiL's care home fees.

I can understand if nothing was left to you, in case you remarry. However what your DH should have got should go to DS.

It took almost two years to get my DH’s estate finalised due to a tax issue. The only money anyone received was from his life insurance- the estate had no extra money (I got the house as his wife). So there may well be nothing left or still being settled. It would be not uncommon for a trust to end with your late DH, it could go to the deceased beneficiary’s children, but this is not certain as there would need to be a clause stipulating this. Or it could be once your DH passed away the trust value was redistributed to the other beneficiaries. Can you see a copy of the original trust? Do you know the executors? If one is a non family member (like a lawyer) perhaps you could approach them.
My children (their father passed away before his parents) did not inherit anything from their father’s paternal side. His father’s wife (DH’s step mother) would have inherited the estate and I’m sure left whatever she had to her own children. His mother passed a couple years ago but it was her DH who had the money and he is my late DH’s step father. He asked me and my young adult children to choose something of his wife’s like a piece of jewelry. I’m not expecting they will inherit anything when he dies. My own parents did not specifically leave anything to my children. It was left to me and they will inherit in due course (though their Wills were written, as is mine, than should I have pre deceased them then my children would get my share, and then if they died before then it would go back to my siblings).

Given what you’ve said, I would imagine trust has been set up to benefit your DH and (in the event of him passing prior to your FIL/MIL) his “issue” (your DS). I would definitely ask for details for the sake of your DS.

This is one of the worst hurts you can have. My mother did it to me. It's not about money.

Did your son visit him? It’s a common reason why grandparents would cut them out in this situation.

Did you not contest the will? Especially if there was a previous one with everyone in it

I spent a large portion of teenage/young adult life worried sick about my poor widowed grandma, whose I was supposedly the favourite grandchild. I spent days listening to her distressed crying and complaints and even my own parents left me with her alone cause they didn't want to spend time with her themselves. She died when I was 26 and left me nothing. The house went to my dad/uncle who left it to my younger sister who never bothered to visit the grandma when she was alive. The reason? She was just getting married so she needed somewhere to live and my parents didn't want to help her out on their own, so they just passed the house down the line.
Never expect anything.

Oh OP. I feel for you and as a pp said, it's not about the money. I was in a similar position to your DS, I thought I was a much loved granddaughter. When my GP died their house was sold and the proceeds split between their three living children.
My mum had predeceased my GP so there was nothing for me or my brother. It hurt, but my GP had dementia so I think the consequences of their will would have escaped them. I think they would have been upset had they realised.

That seems quick to me. My friend died 3 years ago and hers took over a year; another friend died 18 months ago and I believe it's still not sorted.

https://www.legalandgeneral.com/insurance/over-50-life-insurance/wills/can-a-will-be-changed-after-death/

Sure but I would start from the premise they are acting in good faith. Generally in life problems are due to cock up, not conspiracy. And going in hard in a way that implies you’re accusing them is going to get backs up immediately.

Even if they aren’t operating in good faith asking these questions flushes out what they claim and then can be validated against will when published and does make clear the parent of an underage beneficiary is asking questions.

My mum's mum did that. Left everything to a charity that she didn't even approve of. What a message to send your only child, who'd been actively caring for you.

Most people inherit nothing. My parents are destitute and so is my Granny. Any money my other Grandmother leaves will go to my aunts and mum who will spaff it up the wall and spend it on luxury holidays.

I was wondering this.

That's awful.

you have the grief, the loss, the shock , the anger all at once.

Says it all about you!!
No doubt you’re hoping to be in someone’s will!!!

My Mil is leaving everything to charity, good on her I say!
We’re all capable of earning our own money!