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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

End of a relationship 2 weeks before marrying

220 replies

supercali77 · 13/04/2026 08:27

Im so so lost this morning. We were together 6 years. Not living together (we tried. Kids didn't like it) but decided to marry for ourselves. Hes always had issues with any major life change. More argumentative, quick to escalate into a terrible temper. Has threatened the relationship before.

A couple of weeks back I'd got irritable over text about a communication issue. Something and nothing. It escalated out of the blue and he went mental in a voiceclip, which I've seen before, I really don't like it, so I left the chat. While I was gone and calming down he issued an ultimatum. Come back and talk or that's it. Its over. By the time I went back 15 minutes later to reply. He'd blocked me. I mean, everywhere. I was devastated. Totally shocked. Accepted it was over. Told one of my witnesses, started deciding how to cancel things.

He emailed me late the next day and said he loved me and still wanted to marry me. I asked for time. After a week, i agreed we could try to get back on track. Maybe just pre wedding nerves? Fucking stupid of me. So stupid. I should have seen it coming...

Yesterday. In a conversation about where things go wrong during a conflict between us, he said i needed to 'own my feelings'. And I said..then surely the same goes for you. You cant expect me to own my feelings but your reactions are 'caused' by me angering you. That triggered an explosion. He called me a f*king twisted bitch. I felt like id been punched in the stomach and i hung up. He sent several texts saying he thought this was done. Obvioisly I dont care about his feelings. I said yes i think so. And hes blocked me everywhere. Blocked my bloody daughter 🤦‍♀️ for God's sake. I would never block his daughter, who does that?

Its a mess and obviously over. I feel sick, I feel stupid for going back to it and trying to paper over it. Mainly, I'm spinning. We speak every day. See each other round the kids. Getting married in 2 weeks. And that's it. He's just....gone

OP posts:
Clowningaroun · 13/04/2026 08:31

Separation is probably the best outcome. He sounds awful

Sicario · 13/04/2026 08:31

You've dodged a bullet. Instead of feeling "stupid", which is totally pointless, try feeling relieved instead. We all make mistakes, it's part of life.

Mulledjuice · 13/04/2026 08:31

I think you have dodged a bullet there

CharlotteStreetW1 · 13/04/2026 08:32

Read your post as if someone else had written it. Nothing points towards a happy relationship, let alone marriage.

I know you're hurting now but in time you'll look back and see you've dodged a bullet.

Take care of yourself 💐

Ubugly · 13/04/2026 08:32

Im sorry you are upset but he sounds hideous. There is no future with someone as nasty as that and who wants a pig like that around their kids?

His temper would have probably escalated over the years to way worse.

HenDoNot · 13/04/2026 08:35

This time when he unblocks you and gets in touch again (which he will), tell him to fuck off.

Nannyfannybanny · 13/04/2026 08:35

Consider you have had a lucky escape. I really feel you don't actually "know" someone until you live with them. Then the rose tinted specs and scales fall from your eyes. Your kids don't want to live with him... how old are they? Don't marry this man, don't interact with him. It's done,you deserve better. At the time,day,date you were going to be married... have a get together with your friends, family,laugh,cry,get angry. Trust me, I know, I DID, get married!!!!

supercali77 · 13/04/2026 08:36

I know, i know its wrong. I think I need professional help, my previous relationship was extremely abusive. My mind automatically goes to what I did wrong. How i didn't handle things well. But I have never, not once called him names. Threatened the relationship. Shouted at him. I just feel so...jesus christ, am I this unlovable or not worthy of respect

OP posts:
Whatapantomime · 13/04/2026 08:36

You have dodged a huge bullet and should feel so relieved that you don’t have to put up with this vile, bad tempered piece of shit in your life.
On your “wedding day” go for a lovey day out with your daughter and drink to a happy future 💐 x

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 13/04/2026 08:38

Dodged a bullet.

supercali77 · 13/04/2026 08:39

@Nannyfannybanny I'm so sorry you married someone who did that to you. Mines 12 and his is 15. it was more his daughter became mentally very unwell, she's not ok and it didn't feel like the right thing to uproot her and try to blend.

OP posts:
hjskdhu88649 · 13/04/2026 08:39

Honestly OP instead of feeling stupid you should feel proud and assertive, the fact your prioritised the kids to not force them to move in together and that you’re not marrying him when the easy route may well be to do so. Hopefully the relationship gave you some happy memories you can walk away with, but it’s almost certain a break up is better for your future, and it came in the nick of time.

ArthriticOldLabrador · 13/04/2026 08:39

Without a doubt, you’ve had a lucky escape.
It might not feel like it right now as you’re hurting, but you’ll look back on this and realise it.

WildLeader · 13/04/2026 08:40

DO NOT - UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES - MARRY THIS GUY.

You don’t treat people you love like this. Why would you accept it from this bloke.

end it, keep it ended and thank your lucky stars you have found out now.

this would have BROKEN you AND fucked up your life.

TheThingOnTheIce · 13/04/2026 08:42

Yeah don’t marry this idiot

MrsPositivity1 · 13/04/2026 08:43

Please don’t marry this person , it won’t end well.

notacooldad · 13/04/2026 08:43

I know this moment is extremely hard for you but I honestly think its a blessing in disguise.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/04/2026 08:46

My love, this is the luckiest escape of your life.

I know it's hard right now, but head up and keep ploughing on. You will look back soon and relasie "thank FUCK for that"

Crikeyalmightey · 13/04/2026 08:47

Definitely dodged a bullet there. I can understand you're upset just now, but in a little while you will realise what a mistake he is.
Don't let him do this to you. He sounds unstable and nasty.

supercali77 · 13/04/2026 08:47

I definitely will not be marrying him... but at the same time I'm just so grief stricken. I expected many things but not this. This felt vicious and cold...i think this is why its hard. This man was often sensitive. Extremely warm and considerate a lot of the time. But with a real difficult regulating his temper when triggered. The term 'twisted bitch' keeps coming back to me.

OP posts:
WestwardHo1 · 13/04/2026 08:47

You have had a very, very lucky escape. It might not feel that way now but you have.
I know those thoughts about "What's wrong with me, why am I unloveable and not worthy of respect" and I know how impossible it is to believe people when they assure you it's not you, it's the partners in question. I'd suggest some good counselling to deal with this. Abuse wrecks your self esteem so you think that abuse is all you deserve. It's hard to get out of this mindset.

Edited for typos

supercali77 · 13/04/2026 08:50

Yes i think i probably need therapy. If I look back...I've tolerated a lot in my relationships. Things that noone should be ok with.

OP posts:
crossroadsfan · 13/04/2026 08:51

Don't marry the jerk and don't feel bad about it - he's done you a massive favour. If it helps I have been married twice and in each case they became (or, were all along) monsters, similar to your description. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or me, there's a lot of dreadful men out there and I don't think I was equipped to be able to tell the difference. What was your own experience of relationships, growing up? Mine was pretty awful.

Don't take him back, honestly.

1983Louise · 13/04/2026 08:52

I'd be clapping my hands in glee, he's done you a massive favour. Noe go and live your best life, you don't need a man to be happy x

Lottapianos · 13/04/2026 08:53

Oh you poor thing, you must be absolutely reeling. You'll get a lot of advice about head up, move on, plan a better future etc, and there will be time for all that. He sounds really awful and I agree you have had a lucky escape. But please allow yourself time to grieve, to feel shocked and hurt and sad. You must feel like you've had the rug pulled from under you ❤️

Hard YES to therapy. I had a history of abusive relationships too, and therapy has helped me to understand myself so much better, and to build a safe and peaceful life. Very hard work, but so worth it. Good luck to you x