Haven't heard from him after a date

[Tcbay52]

Been on a date recently, we went to a restaurant. He paid and opened the doors for me. He asked me before the date if I'd prefer a hug as a greeting, just a handshake, or no touch at all as he wanted me to feel comfortable. We went for quite a long walk afterwards. We hugged for hello and goodbye. After we parted he texted me saying to let him know when I'm home. I let him know. The next day I decided to text him. I said I had a good time and added a question about whether he logged me out of a job search website (he let me use his laptop to edit my resume as a small favour), as I forgot to log out. He reacted with a heart emoji to the 'good time' bit and said he logged me out. Since then we've been silent for like four days already. He's been active on social media. Should I message him again or leave it? I wanna see him again but don't know if he wants to.

I also reacted to it with a low-effort heart emoji like he did to my text.

Yeah, we agreed he would take it.

If you want to see him again, it would be ridiculous not to send a simple text, saying so. What on earth have you got to lose?

If he ignores it, or says he is busy, you will know where you stand.

OR, he might agree to it.

Please don't lose out on a potential relationship due to some strange sense of pride? There is nothing remotely humiliating in sending one message asking if he would like to meet up again.

Plus, if you leave it to him to make all the moves, you are establishing a relationship in which he is in control, he calls the shots etc, because he is the man....

Unless you are some kind of aspiring trad-wife, why on earth would you want that?

They generally do.

So, an agreement that he would take his laptop. And that you would take the opportunity during the date to update your CV. Sounds like a top date🫤.

Maybe he didn’t actually realise it was a date, he thought you just wanted to borrow his laptop to update your CV
This was the first time you’d met?!

Someone updating their CV whilst i was on a date with them would be a massive ick.

Are you sure it was an actual date? or was it just a meeting with a recruitment consultant?

So you're consciously matching his energy and not willing to put in anything extra and he's either responding in kind or waiting for a clearer signal. Sounds like this will head nowhere as neither is willing to put themselves out there a bit.

Why? What was the context that it even came up? It’s a new one on me

Bollocks we do. A good 1/3rd of my relationships would never have happened if the woman I was interested in hadn't made the first move.

I was quite good at chatting to randoms in a bar and getting their phone number. Absolutely rubbish at the next bit, which was texting them and asking them out on a date.

And god forbid it was someone I already knew and fancied. Actually telling them I liked them was terrifying. There's not a chance I'd have spent the last 20 years with DP, had she not realised I was never going to make a move and she needed to do it.

Well he seems like a respectful guy that’s clued up on consent and she hasn’t responded to his last message to say ‘thanks for confirming!’ Even so from his perspective she’s consciously ghosted him and he’d be a bit creepy to message again

its literally her turn to message

yes there are creeps who will continually follow up but he doesn’t sound like one

Chill y'all, I simply complained to him about not having access to my laptop currently and said I needed to go to a library to use a computer to edit the CV. He offered that he would bring his laptop and I agreed.

"hey, thinking about you. Fancy meeting up again next week?" send.

Are you 12? Text him FFS! Or even (heaven forfend) call him.

Totally this ^

Some of us are just utterly pants at getting this across but it’s not rocket science. Just make us obliviously aware that you’re interested.

Why can't you just text him and find out what the matter is? "Hi, how are you? Haven't heard from you in a few days. I enjoyed our date and would like to meet again. What about you? How do you feel about that? Let me know either way". If you are interested, why be so passive about it and waste your headspace in thinking about possibilities? Based on his response, hopefully you'll know where he stands with things.

I would just message ‘Hi, how are you? Would you like to arrange another date?’ Just be clear and to the point.
Although I am not currently dating, when I was, I always bit the bullet and messaged because a surprising number of men are scared to ask for a second date. At least then you know and can move on if he says no.

Well that hasn’t been my experience.

I know men who endlessly try with women they have no chance with I don’t think many men wouldn’t take the opportunity to have a conversation with a woman they went on a date with who they like.

Doesn't the same goes the other way? OP showed no interest by not messaging her date for four days. He may have come to the same conclusion - "if she wanted to, she would"

I'd agree that he's not into you. You took the initiative to message after the date and say you enjoyed it, which I think most people would understand and take as a sign of ongoing interest, he's chosen not to do anything other than respond to your question about the laptop. Yes there's nothing stopping you explicitly asking him out if that's what you want to do, but if you want him to take the next turn in showing interest then that's completely fair.

“I know men who” is a far cry from “men always”.

😆

I would normally say you should message and don't wait for the other person, and point out he sent the last text. However in this case I believe you have made the first move by saying you had a good time. By ignoring this part in his reply, he's showing he isn't interested.

Who sent the last text?

Yeah, I know a lot of them as well. But just because they exist doesn't mean the rest of us don't. You just don't notice us because we can never get our act together to actually ask anyone out!