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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Haven't heard from him after a date

178 replies

Tcbay52 · 07/04/2026 10:22

Been on a date recently, we went to a restaurant. He paid and opened the doors for me. He asked me before the date if I'd prefer a hug as a greeting, just a handshake, or no touch at all as he wanted me to feel comfortable. We went for quite a long walk afterwards. We hugged for hello and goodbye. After we parted he texted me saying to let him know when I'm home. I let him know. The next day I decided to text him. I said I had a good time and added a question about whether he logged me out of a job search website (he let me use his laptop to edit my resume as a small favour), as I forgot to log out. He reacted with a heart emoji to the 'good time' bit and said he logged me out. Since then we've been silent for like four days already. He's been active on social media. Should I message him again or leave it? I wanna see him again but don't know if he wants to.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 10/04/2026 08:23

Wehey · 09/04/2026 23:26

Exactly. Neither OP or her dad did anything wrong and it doesn’t sound as if he hated her or anything, but clearly he doesn’t see a future and isn’t keen for whatever reason.

It looks like he has politely exited the situation with that heart.

Where does her dad come into it? Can’t see her dad mentioned in PP’s.

RumbleHoney · 10/04/2026 10:03

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 10/04/2026 08:23

Where does her dad come into it? Can’t see her dad mentioned in PP’s.

This was probably a typo for date!

Ilovelurchers · 10/04/2026 10:35

Naunet · 09/04/2026 17:48

Not everything has to be about pretending men and women are exactly the same, we're not, and that doesn't mean we're not equal.

At the end of the day, we're animals, and in the animal kingdom its the males who chase and try to charm/impress females, its ridiculous to pretend we're designed to be any different.

Thank you for this response.

If we are looking at it from an evolutionary biology point of view though, it's the females of the species who are hard wired to be sexually selective, and the ones who choose a partner - men's reproductive instincts would lead them instead to make themselves available to as many females as possible, in the hope that the females choose them.

So in that sense, it would make sense for it to be the woman who makes the first moves in any sexual relationship.....

But I don't want my relationships to run on those terms - I think we have evolved beyond the need to do so.

When seeking a functional and happy relationship I would look for equality, in terms of balance of power/decision-making.

It troubles me, I will admit, that these ideas about it being "down to men to make the first moves" are still so prevalent.

Because it's not a huge leap to go from there, to the idea that men should be the "leaders" in relationships, full stop. That it behoves women to be passive, and wait to be chosen - that it's somehow "unfeminine" to take decisive charge of our own destinies....

WeddingBlues2025 · 10/04/2026 22:12

Tcbay52 · 08/04/2026 12:55

I haven't texted him. He's often active on social media and probably talking to other chicks. If he can't make a tiny bit of effort why would I risk it? Or maybe I should just message "How's it going?" and only ask him out if he replies to that. I know I'll feel bad when I do it though as he's most likely not interested.

Edited

Trust your instincts. Human connection is pretty simple at the heart of it. If he was thinking about you, you would know it. Silence is a form of communication - listen to it and move on, you shouldn't have to wonder if someone wants to follow up with a second date.

Tcbay52 · 11/04/2026 15:15

Update: Texted him and asked about a second date. I'm prepared he won't respond.

OP posts:
NoCommentingFromNowOn · 11/04/2026 15:18

Tcbay52 · 11/04/2026 15:15

Update: Texted him and asked about a second date. I'm prepared he won't respond.

Edited

You went on this date a whole week ago? I wouldn’t respond either after a 7 day silence tbh. The moment has been and gone.

Tcbay52 · 11/04/2026 15:27

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 11/04/2026 15:18

You went on this date a whole week ago? I wouldn’t respond either after a 7 day silence tbh. The moment has been and gone.

Well, it was actually nine days ago. He had the time to reach out in that time frame.

OP posts:
user1464187087 · 11/04/2026 15:33

Tcbay52 · 11/04/2026 15:15

Update: Texted him and asked about a second date. I'm prepared he won't respond.

Edited

But you haven't lost anything by asking. If he doesn't respond, so be it. You will know where you stand and can move on. Good on you!

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 11/04/2026 15:41

Tcbay52 · 11/04/2026 15:27

Well, it was actually nine days ago. He had the time to reach out in that time frame.

You both had the same number of days to respond. I think next time you need to text the same day or the following day.

yikesss · 11/04/2026 15:45

Tcbay52 · 11/04/2026 15:27

Well, it was actually nine days ago. He had the time to reach out in that time frame.

If no contact has been made in a week, what made you ask if he wanted to see you again? I am just curious because I am team "if he wanted to, he would" (and i also am fully aware my emotional needs are higher than the average) so id love to know your train of thought because it would never occur to me to do this. Also want to clarify neither of us handle it right or wrong I genuinely am interested in educating my very black and white brain 😂

Tcbay52 · 11/04/2026 15:52

yikesss · 11/04/2026 15:45

If no contact has been made in a week, what made you ask if he wanted to see you again? I am just curious because I am team "if he wanted to, he would" (and i also am fully aware my emotional needs are higher than the average) so id love to know your train of thought because it would never occur to me to do this. Also want to clarify neither of us handle it right or wrong I genuinely am interested in educating my very black and white brain 😂

The replies on this thread..

OP posts:
NoCommentingFromNowOn · 11/04/2026 15:58

Tcbay52 · 11/04/2026 15:52

The replies on this thread..

The first person to say text him was less than 50 minutes after you posted 4 days ago. So why now, why not 4 days ago?

FoxLoxInSox · 11/04/2026 16:06

I’m over-invested now as to whether there’ll be a second date, to put a PowerPoint together, together.

yikesss · 11/04/2026 16:15

Tcbay52 · 11/04/2026 15:52

The replies on this thread..

Ok ...

Ontobetterthings · 11/04/2026 16:32

Did he get in touch?

Tcbay52 · 11/04/2026 17:06

Ontobetterthings · 11/04/2026 16:32

Did he get in touch?

Sent it like 1 hr ago and still nope.

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 11/04/2026 17:31

I cannot believe you texted him.

There are more fish in the sea.

Tcbay52 · 11/04/2026 17:43

He just replied. He said he went on a coffee with a female friend and blah blah. He said 'We can meet again but probably not as a date this time'. Lol.

OP posts:
LittleMonks11 · 11/04/2026 17:58

There we go. Now you know and you can stop wondering. Onwards and upwards OP

aquashiv · 11/04/2026 18:17

Fair enough. That's nice he responded.

Missj25 · 11/04/2026 18:49

Tcbay52 · 11/04/2026 17:43

He just replied. He said he went on a coffee with a female friend and blah blah. He said 'We can meet again but probably not as a date this time'. Lol.

Well at least you know 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I knew when you said he replied with a heart emoji but never looked to converse .
That’s ok OP , there will be others 😊

Lennonjingles · 11/04/2026 19:02

At least he gracefully replied.

LittleMonks11 · 11/04/2026 19:58

Lennonjingles · 11/04/2026 19:02

At least he gracefully replied.

Agree but would remove the word ‘gracefully’

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 11/04/2026 20:23

Well he was telling a white lie maybe to avoid meeting up again. He didn’t have to reply.

Yes the cv stuff was totally weird and inappropriate sorry.

greatvisuals · 11/04/2026 20:34

0xymoron73 · 07/04/2026 13:35

Totally this ^

Some of us are just utterly pants at getting this across but it’s not rocket science. Just make us obliviously aware that you’re interested.

Do you know what . . . no.

I can't be bothered with men who aren't proactive enough to ask me out - it's happened a few times in the last 6 months where men contact me, pussy foot around, then disappear. Friends say oooh but he really likes you, why don't you go and talk to him, why don't you ask him out on a date?

No.

If you like me, grow a pair and come over and talk to me.

If you don't ask me out on a date, bye byeee.

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