Where are all the nice 50-something, single males?

[MysticalChipmunk]

Are they hiding? I can’t find one. OLD is dire and not for me. What can I do?

I've been round the block a few times and IMO the majority of men want the same as the majority of women:

A contemporary in age, background, beliefs etc they get on with, they find attractive and who they can built a relationship with.

Like many things in life, it's the loud minority of nutters and their 'issues' who spoil it for everyone else.

Hello 🙂
this thread makes an interesting read for the 50 something single males

This is the thought process I went through last year before separating from my ex, although I’m 10 years younger than you. I decided that I couldn’t go through the rest of my life not even trying to get into a happier relationship, even if the risk was that I’d be on my own forever. I needed to take that risk. As you have said my ex has indeed gone on to be snapped up (he’s not committed to anyone yet but not done badly online) but in fairness I’ve been pleasantly surprised by a few nice men online who are similar age to me… I read loads on Mumsnet before separating as was convinced I’d stand no chance at meeting someone else, given being in my early 50s and not wanting anyone much older than me, but so far I can’t say I’ve seen the bleak picture painted on here. (It’s relatively early days though so my opinion might change!)

In answer to the op question
we do exist, but despite the variety of apps, websites, introduction agencies,
it just seems impossible to find you lovely ladies

There's a power difference between men and women, a power difference between middle-aged and young, and a power difference between well-off established earner and early career worker.

An older, well-heeled man dating a younger, early-career woman has a much bigger power difference in his favour than an older woman dating a younger man has in her favour, especially when one considers the sexed pay gap.

I’m sorry, that just sounds like a long winded excuse - a clear case of double standards.

I suspect that CatOfHate would object to being borrowed. Plus, a website called "borrow my pussy" might get single men for a rather different reason.

• Men can kill women with their bare hands. The reverse is not true.
• Rich people have power that poor people lack.
• Older people have experience that younger people lack.

A older male predator can use money, his victim's naivety, and physical force to get her where he wants her. Women don't have the physical force option. Our ability to predate on men is limited, even when we are richer and older.

Double standards can be legitimate when two situations substantially differ from each other. We don't call it "double standards" when we give mothers paid maternity leave or disabled train users a ramp to bridge the gap between platform and carriage.

You’ve gone seriously off tangent but have a look at the below - my friend was killed by his wife after an argument about Christmas decorations.

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/4694325.stm

Back on topic though - the point was, folks here are encouraging older women to date younger men as some sort of liberation all whilst saying the reverse is a tawdry predatory act. Cmon now.

The tragic case of your friend is a statistical rarity. Most violence is perpetrated by men and men are physically stronger. I am analysing men and women as sex classes.

I see those posters as saying "if you can't beat them, join them", in the knowledge that no woman will ever leave pregnant someone who is young enough to be her child.

When your sexual conduct can leave another person pregnant, you should think carefully about the power you wield in that situation.

Borrow my pussy. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

That made me do a highly unattractive snort!

So it’s only male sexual conduct that can leave people pregnant?

Most violence by men is perpetrated on men but let’s not let statistics get in the way.

Returning back to my point, [for which you appear to have brought a sledgehammer to crack a nut with], I’ve killed no-one - why would me dating a younger woman be frowned upon when otherwise encouraged for a female were ages reversed? Why would I be deemed a pervert but my female peer heralded for being somehow liberated?

I’m sorry but I’m so fed up of seeing every day men being demonised and whitewashed because of the acts of a minority and that being used as an excuse for female unwillingness to be held accountable :)

I'm not loving the term 'accountability', has a whiff of manosphere about it. I prefer emotional maturity and ability to reflect. I'm probably nitpicking and policing wholly innocent language. Something about accountability rubs the wrong way.

An ability to reflect is essential, and I always ask people (well, men) on dates why they think their relationships did not work out and am happy to reflect on my own failures as well.

i don't tend to meet people who are unable to reflect (to haven't thus far) but I very selective and only have a few dates per year. Maybe I should get out more 🙂

So it’s only male sexual conduct that can leave people pregnant?

Well, it's definitely only male sexual conduct that can leave their sexual partner pregnant.

I imagine that you, being a man, have not had to worry much about becoming pregnant to the wrong partner. It's also not something a 50+ woman tends to worry about, unlike a 30-yr-old woman.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend.

So it’s only male sexual conduct that can leave people pregnant?

Do you understand reproductive biology at all?

Men can make women pregnant. The reverse is not true. No woman has ever made anyone of any age pregnant. Plenty of men have made women young enough to be their daughters pregnant.

This assymmetry is at the heart of the power imbalance between men and women.

I am basing this comment entirely on what I see here on MN. It's a tongue in cheek response to the frequency of people who advise a woman to LTB.
If women dumped men so frequently, logic suggests all or almost all those men out there in their 50s who are single must have some serious faults. They will (surely?) be another woman's dumped trash, no?

No, not always true. But judging by advice frequently given on MN, almost all single men have been "thrown back".

My 2nd husband was 15 years older than me and had been single for most of his life. He was the only child of dysfunctional parents, had a rough childhood and became an adult with untreated health conditions. He was also (much later in life) diagnosed with ADHD. He was involved in a bad road accident in his 30's and was left with mild brain injury, and several physical injuries. ABI meant he was let go from his job and thereafter he survived on casual contract work. His lack of social skills, lack of confidence and lack of self esteem were still obvious when I met him not long before his 50th birthday.

I divorced my 1st husband after 11 1/2 years because it was toxic and I became suicidal (I still suspect he is closeted gay though he has never and will never admit it).
I met my second husband thru a mutual interest. We became friends and later partners and later still we married (he asked several times, I was reluctant because of my previous experience of marriage). He died after 6 1/2 years of marriage and I have no interest in finding anyone (I'm now 63).

So yes they are out there.

I fit this criteria very well, and we're not all looking at 25 year olds - seriously, I couldn't imagine anything worse than dating someone my daughters age.

I have no shortage of interest on the dreaded apps but having had 3 long rodeos, I'm in no rush for a 4th unless everything properly stacks up and at this stage, atleast for me, my 5 year old cockapoo is a hard act to follow for a peaceful, drama free life!

I totally agree with this. I wouldn't be interested in someone who wanted a relationship with such unequal power dynamics, or someone who was so blinded by youth that he judges women on their age rather than their personalities. Men who want women who are much younger are creeps, imo.

I almost envy all you people who are so eager to meet someone else. My marriage and my exH turned out to be so horrible that it turned me from a hopeless romantic who was totally OK with lifelong commitment into a total commitment-phobe. Never again. Low-commitment sex and dating, fine. Living together or marriage - never in a million years.

Being (mostly) single suits me down to the ground. I do have a very nice FWB whom I keep at a comfortable distance. I think people worship marriage and serious co-habiting relationships too much. It's fear-based, imo. Fear of being alone. Better to have lots of good friends and be part of a strong community than rely on the notoriously fickle homo sapiens.

And, even if you have the best partner in the world, they could die.

The eggs-in-one-basket model of life is not for me. Funnily enough, I've had quite a lot of success on the apps, even though I'm really overweight. It's because I couldn't care less about impressing someone or sizing them up for a serious commitment. I'm irreverent and I give 'em hell and they love it. 🤪 I also tell them all the terrible things about me, because again, I couldn't care less.

Of course, back when I was in my twenties and wanted nothing more than to find a nice life partner and get married, no one was interested, even though I was 25 years younger and much slimmer than now.

There's a lesson there somewhere....

She didn't go off on a tangent; her points were all thoroughly germane to the discussion. What you said is an absolute classic case of male dismissal of a woman's point of view.

My OLD dating ad (if I had one):

Wrong side of fifty, very fat, has a collection of 120 dolls, and carries genital herpes. Seeking a Mills & Boon hero. If you have children, must be seen and not heard, because I can't stand the buggers. I do have a chimney that needs regular cleaning, though. Have a terrible temper when not on my anti-murder pills antidepressants. Somewhat disillusioned by life after a spell in prison for committing justified murder of someone who was really asking for it, but surrounded by a circle of very supportive soft toys. Enter at your own risk.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

(I had an OLD profile, but am not currently active bc I have the nice FWB.)

It took me 8 years to find him (and technically he was 60 by then) but I met mine on Bumble. Been together just over a year and I love him to bits.
Also recommend Burned Haystack- google it.