Is he just not that into me?

[Joyful26]

Ok this is driving me crazy, which has led me to wonder if the root of the problem is he’s just not that into me.

me and DP are mid 40s and been together 6.5yrs.

we both have 2 teenage dc each.

when we met it was totally incredible. There was no doubt we’d be together forever. I didn’t want to get married again particularly but we were saying we would have a celebration of love ceremony so we could still get everyone together and mark our commitment and love etc.

we moved in together 3 years ago which involved moving mountains with our 4 kids, schools and exes.

we managed it and it was predictably mainly difficult/awful.

anyway DP has now moved out but we haven’t split up. He was very aggrieved at having to move out. But now he’s absolutely delighted with his new place, as are his dc. I’m excluded from all that joy, but he’s still storing most things at my place because it’s bigger.

since he moved out 2 months ago I’ve suggested the following things:
loca comedy night
camping with friends and kids at half trrm
canping ourselves in the summer (he doesn’t want to spend money)

it’s been a no to everything.
he’s only said he loves me once- kind of under pressure.
doesn’t get in touch ever. But he’s been spending weekends at my house while he sorts out his house.
he joked our relationship is just parkrun and sex and I cannot get over that.

on the positive side he helps me with everything when he’s at mine: laundry, housework, bins, diy, gardening. And when I say helps he basically does it all as he’s very practical.

but there is no desire to be connected in any way.
he left today with me asking when we’d next see each other. Him not answering, then basically saying in 2 weeks. It makes me feel like shit.

Why did he move out? I think if you're almost 7 years in and questioning if he's into you, then he isn't the right man for you.

Surely when he moves out, you have to accept the relationship is done?

at best you are a friend with benefits. Tell him to come and get his stuff and cut ties with him.

The relationship is over by the sound of it.

Some people find it easier to 'wean themselves off' slowly which is what it sounds like he's doing, although obviously it's not fair on you.

Tell him to take his stuff to his new home and then see how often he wants to see you.

I don't understand why he moved out. Did you fall out?

Being in a relationship when you have previous children always looks different, but it does seem that this one has already failed and you’re both just clinging on.

He just doesn’t sound right for you.

Why was it incredible at first and then not now?

Where did that incredibleness go? The

Your post is so vague! Why did he move out?!

anyway DP has now moved out but we haven’t split up

I think you have split up. Sorry.

Sadly he sounds like he’s already moved on but is keeping you to have his needs met in the meantime. Probably works quite nicely for him so why would he want to change it. I can see why it’s not working for you. It’s actually quite a dishonest way to break up and his behaviour isn’t good.
The refusal to plan and answer questions tells you everything you need to know. He’s checked out. Time to move on. Like he has.

So after 3 years living together he moves out, but doesn’t separate- why?

Stop helping him by storing his stuff. He is insulting you over and over. Bin him. Block him. No more. You have to mean business. He’s taking the absolute piss and you’re letting him.

Sounds like he's having his cake and eating it.

Parkrun and sex ? Oh dear 🙄

You may have to explain to us Why he moved out?
But from what you say, I'd say it's over and he is just stringing you along. He has literally told you he doesn't want to see you for 2 weeks and your relationship is literally just "parkrun and sex".
Time to pick up that crown and take control. Can you afford the house on your own? Move all his stuff into one place so he can just come and pick it up. Will it be tough? Yes, but you deserve better than living in this limbo.

Sorry wasn’t clear in original post.

he moved out because living as a step family was basically a nightmare.

I think most people have a similar experience. Trying to blend with 4 teens is almost impossible.

I know it isn’t conventional but I thought it would be better for the children to live separately, but move back in together later on.

Yes it does just feel like friends with benefits which is not what I want.

Well that’s what I can’t understand!!!

I still think he’s absolutely amazing. He’s so gorgeous and responsible and practical and exactly the kind of person I want.

I do not understand how I can feel everything and he’s stopped.

OP i dont think he is exactly the kind of person you want, because he’s not treating you how you want him to. Perhaps he used to be that person, but things have changed. Read your posts back and ask why you are continuing with this.

The thing is, if you live as a blended family with sleep kids (from my experience) if you really want to make it work then you do that. Not move out. It’s not like it’s even a temporary move out which would kind of make sense. I think it’s over, sorry.

You say that YOU thought it would be better to live apart now but move back in together later. Did he agree with that plan? Out loud to you during an active conversation? Because that's not what his actions indicate.

Moving out and saying it’s due to the kids is just an excuse, change your mindset and you decide it’s over and get all his crap out your house, I’d assume he’s met someone else.

He's made you a option OP, I'd end it before the slow ( slower than now even) fade!

This is painful. You are still into him. He is not into you. He is treating you terribly.

Please don’t let him. It’s horrible to go through but really don’t let him. End it.

we moved in together 3 years ago which involved moving mountains with our 4 kids, schools and exes.

we managed it and it was predictably mainly difficult/awful.

Perhaps he regretted doing this to his kids?

Could be a reason why you say he and his kids are delighted with the new home.

It's over. He's thrilled with his new place that you are barred from (wtaf?) which means he won't be happy going back to living with you ever again.

He's using you for storage OP, tell him to clear his stuff out this weekend and I bet my last penny that once it's done you won't see him again except for a late night booty call. He's even told you that!!

So did you ask him to move out? But you wanted to still be a couple, whereas for him moving out seems to have made him feel differently about things? It doesn't sound great tbh OP 😞

With what you've written here I'd think maybe he likes you but he doesn't love you, except perhaps in the way that family members might in that they don't need to see one another often and their lives are independent.