Is he just not that into me?

[Joyful26]

Ok this is driving me crazy, which has led me to wonder if the root of the problem is he’s just not that into me.

me and DP are mid 40s and been together 6.5yrs.

we both have 2 teenage dc each.

when we met it was totally incredible. There was no doubt we’d be together forever. I didn’t want to get married again particularly but we were saying we would have a celebration of love ceremony so we could still get everyone together and mark our commitment and love etc.

we moved in together 3 years ago which involved moving mountains with our 4 kids, schools and exes.

we managed it and it was predictably mainly difficult/awful.

anyway DP has now moved out but we haven’t split up. He was very aggrieved at having to move out. But now he’s absolutely delighted with his new place, as are his dc. I’m excluded from all that joy, but he’s still storing most things at my place because it’s bigger.

since he moved out 2 months ago I’ve suggested the following things:
loca comedy night
camping with friends and kids at half trrm
canping ourselves in the summer (he doesn’t want to spend money)

it’s been a no to everything.
he’s only said he loves me once- kind of under pressure.
doesn’t get in touch ever. But he’s been spending weekends at my house while he sorts out his house.
he joked our relationship is just parkrun and sex and I cannot get over that.

on the positive side he helps me with everything when he’s at mine: laundry, housework, bins, diy, gardening. And when I say helps he basically does it all as he’s very practical.

but there is no desire to be connected in any way.
he left today with me asking when we’d next see each other. Him not answering, then basically saying in 2 weeks. It makes me feel like shit.

But it sounds like he did say all of those things. OP said when she said they should live separately he said didn't want to.
I'm sorry but if you tell your partner that you no longer want to love with them you're unbelievably naive to think that nothing will change. To think that it won't go back to being a bf & gf situation where you see each other as and when life isn't in the way. Especially when you both have kids.

I think letting go off your hopes is far better than being in a relationship that hasn’t been good for a long time. It isn’t a loving nurturing environment for any of the children. You pushed for him to leave because you acknowledged how bad it was and I think deep down you know the relationship is dead.

This is the sort of detachment I'd expect from people who had been dating on & off for a few months, not been together for 7 years!

Who knows what went on in his head in the initial stages, but it sounds like it was lust /infatuation/novelty which has now dropped down to a transactional relationship on his part.

I think there are far more men out there who are fairly content with this scenario than there are women. They'll just coast along, continuing to be comfortable, turning up for the sex, but not actually spend time in conversation with their partner.

Notice how he does those practical tasks? I suppose that's nice of him, but in his head, that might be his payment for sex and a bit of comfort (and storage) from you, but you're probably not The One, for him.

Horrible to consider, but he's going to keep using you as long as it's clear you accept this and make yourself available. Don't listen to protestations because users never like to lose the thing they like and so don't expect any truths from him.