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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friendship ended over a sigh.

378 replies

JalapenoFeverDream · 25/03/2026 22:36

I'm utterly perplexed by what's happened with me and my friend. Been friends about 15 years, loads in common, had some breaks together, nights in, and nights out. We live in different towns about 18 miles apart and due to opposite work schedules, we don't get to meet up as often as we'd like.

A few weeks ago, we realised Sunday was a day were could both meet up, and arranged to meet at a village close to her town. I had plans late morning / early lunchtime and we discussed meeting up afterwards.

On the day, we spoke on text to arrange a time, she said she had some errands to run, so asked if I could give her a rough time, such as 2pm or 3pm so she knew how much time she had to get things done. I said, let's say 2pm tentatively, but I'll confirm for sure shortly.

Just after midday, I text and said 2pm was looking tight, so can we meet at 3pm. She replied much later saying can we make it quarter past as she's still running errands, no probs I say.

I get to the village at the agreed time and she's not there. After 5 mins waiting, I call to check she's okay and she's only just left her town and will be 10-15 mins. I was busting for a wee, in a farm shop with no facilities. So this is where it started to go awry...

In response to my friend due to be arriving 15 mins late, I inadvertently let out a small sigh, not a deep sigh, literally a short disappointed sigh, followed by me saying, "Oh... okay mate. I'll see you soon then." There was 100% no annoyed tone to my voice. I was looking forward to seeing her. The sigh was totally inadvertent, like rolling your eyes, or like wrinkling your nose in disgust at something.

Well, she went bat shit at me, screaming and swearing at me, "Don't you fucking sigh at me! I've planned my whole fucking day around you! Don't you dare fucking sigh at me!"

I was honestly taken aback by how she went from nought to screaming at me.

I ventured to interrupt her tirade to say it sounds like maybe it's best to not meet up, and let's rearrange. But before I could get a word in, she said, "You know what? You can fuck off. I'm not fucking meeting you now, so fuck off!" Then hung up on me.

I was upset, but thought I'd not bother trying to call her back as she was obviously angry. So, I'd let it settle and drive back to my town.

I got home, and found that she'd blocked me on Instagram, FB, phone and WhatsApp. Which seems way over the top and childish.

I have a separate Facebook account for my work, so I sent her a message from there which probably went to her "Other" inbox.

My message said I was shocked and disgusted at the way she spoke me to me and that while I totally understand the inadvertent sigh may have been annoying, her response to it was wholly disproportionate.

I also remarked that I resented her saying she planned her "whole fucking day" around me. We agreed that 2pm was tentative, I gave her two hours notice to move it and if anything, me moving it to 3pm gave her extra time to get her errands completed.

I finished the message saying that what's done is done, I'm saddened and that I'll post her birthday present that I'd brought with me. (Her birthday was the week we were meant to meet.)

Not heard from her since. I never fall out out with my friends, hence no idea how to navigate it.

As I'm upset, I spoke to a couple of my close friends who don't really know her, one said to leave her be now, the ball's in her court. She agrees with me that her reaction was OTT, but maybe there's a reason.

My other friend said she'd bin her off, even if she came back and apologised, as being spoken to like that would be the last time she's being spoken to like that.

Firstly, AIBU in thinking her reaction (the tirade and mass blocking) was OTT?

Secondly, what would your next steps be? I'm erring on just leaving it.

OP posts:
HoppityBun · 26/03/2026 12:51

Viviennemary · 26/03/2026 12:49

She sounds stressed out. But at first it sounds like you were very indecisive about the arrangements. Its not nice feeling like you've been slotted in with a person's busy day.

I agree. OP, I think you’ve been treated rather harshly on here. Most of us would’ve let out a sigh and possibly wanted it to be heard, after being messed around with like that. I think your friend knew she was being a pain and that’s why she was ultra sensitive.

But honestly. If she’s like this then, sadly, let it go. It’s not up to you to make amends, in my opinion.

Fossbarron · 26/03/2026 12:54

I totally believe you from personal experience. Not everyone is super rational and genuine and it's better to get out when someone shows you who they really are and make you feel like rubbish.

TheLemonLemur · 26/03/2026 12:55

I'd love to hear the friends version of events....

TigTails · 26/03/2026 12:55

Yet another MN friendship where neither party actually likes the other.

Ormally · 26/03/2026 12:56

...the friend had already screamed and sworn at her and blocked her from all methods of communication. She had effectively already ended the friendship.

There is still a double-sided message in the behaviour of blocking on all channels. I do see the side of "Take the hint - I don't want you to talk to me", which shows she is offended, but it is, at the same time, "I get to have my showdown, but will instantly stop you giving any POV." Fairly non-friendly and terminal.

tabbycat897 · 26/03/2026 12:59

OP - I think that the fact you have come on Mumsnet looking for some type of validation that you were in the right means that there is a tiny voice in your head questioning whether or not you were to blame. Without hearing the other side of the story it's impossible for anyone to really judge who is more to blame. I think you need to ask yourself, "do I want to keep this friendship" and if there answer is "yes" then I would just apologise and move on. If you do this, you will probably find that she apologises too.Life is too short for petty squabbles and we are all guilty of getting ratty at times.

angelsofsunset · 26/03/2026 12:59

Wickedlittledancer · 26/03/2026 11:38

And some will twist themselves to make the op right. What most do however is apply critical thinking. Particularly when someone presents themselves as completely and utterly blameless and the other party utterly deranged and then with each subsequent post drip feeds more and more about just how awful the other person is.

now, sure it could be the other person is deranged, and the op did no more than let out a tiny little inadvertent sigh, and this woman started literally screaming.

or it could be there is more to this than the op is articulating, or it’s not quit3 as she’s positioning it.

Nonsense. Unless the OP has slept with this woman's husband or deliberately run over her dog there is zero excuse for shouting curses and abuse at a "friend".

If a man had done this to the OP everyone would be saying get out, he's abusive. Just because this is a female friend doesn't mean suddenly make it acceptable behaviour

Whosthetabbynow · 26/03/2026 13:01

It sounds to me like she’s built up a lot of resentment towards you and it all came out at that time. (Sorry not RTFT) Xx

Ninerainbows · 26/03/2026 13:04

TheLemonLemur · 26/03/2026 12:55

I'd love to hear the friends version of events....

Why?

Mrsblobby88 · 26/03/2026 13:07

Sounds like she has stuff going on. She shouldn't have reacted the way she did even though your sigh does sound like it would have annoying. Just leave her to it OP

TheLemonLemur · 26/03/2026 13:17

Ninerainbows · 26/03/2026 13:04

Why?

Because there is two sides to every story? If this had happened to me exactly as told I wouldn't need an internet forum to tell me my friend was unhinged

thestudio · 26/03/2026 13:18

OP not read full thread and there's clearly a lot going on but...
"and if anything, me moving it to 3pm gave her extra time to get her errands completed."

Noooooo. That IS the kind of thing that sends people over the edge.

This is what happened:
You tentatively said 2pm.
You changed it by quite a lot to 3pm.
She was left with an unexpected full hour to fill, so had to get on with something else.
That 'something else' ran over by 10 minutes - a little annoying, yes, but it was you who put her in the position of having to find something useful to do in the extra hour.

I've been driven mad by this shifting ground stuff myself, as you can probably tell... Grin

Lavenderlovers · 26/03/2026 13:35

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Lavenderlovers · 26/03/2026 13:36

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Marmalademorning · 26/03/2026 13:42

She let her guard down and you got a glimpse of the real person behind the facade OP. I wouldn’t waste another minute of my life on her if I were you. And please don’t post any presents to her. She certainly doesn’t deserve it.

MrsJeanLuc · 26/03/2026 13:43

JalapenoFeverDream · 25/03/2026 23:11

I should have mentioned, I was returning her call. I had two missed calls.

The sigh was inadvertent, I didn't even realise I'd done it until she kicked off.

The sigh was inadvertent, I didn't even realise I'd done it until she kicked off.

I think this is the key point here. I suspect you do a lot of "inadvertently" exuding disappointment/dissatisfaction and don't really realise that you are doing it.

Not sure what you want from this thread op. A number of people have suggested why they might have found your behaviour irritating, but you seem only concerned to explain/justify yourself. But it's not us that matter is it?

How much does this friendship mean to you? Your friend clearly reached the end of her tether. It's going to take more than a simple apology (from either side) to come back from this - if it's possible at all.

Fossbarron · 26/03/2026 13:44

Wow, in so shocked at how you are getting a hard time from some people

Marmalademorning · 26/03/2026 13:44

thestudio · 26/03/2026 13:18

OP not read full thread and there's clearly a lot going on but...
"and if anything, me moving it to 3pm gave her extra time to get her errands completed."

Noooooo. That IS the kind of thing that sends people over the edge.

This is what happened:
You tentatively said 2pm.
You changed it by quite a lot to 3pm.
She was left with an unexpected full hour to fill, so had to get on with something else.
That 'something else' ran over by 10 minutes - a little annoying, yes, but it was you who put her in the position of having to find something useful to do in the extra hour.

I've been driven mad by this shifting ground stuff myself, as you can probably tell... Grin

That hardly justifies the tirade of expletives that the so-called ‘friend’ screamed down the phone at the OP though does it.

shhblackbag · 26/03/2026 13:48

Pinkissmart · 25/03/2026 23:01

I dunno.

You changed the time, called her (!) when she was 5 mins late and then sighed at her. It wasn’t inadvertent.

However she should not have talked to you that way

Yes, all of this. I do think you're being unreasonable in calling her after a five-minute wait. She probably was fed up. I would have been too.

TheWineoftheChicken · 26/03/2026 13:48

TheLemonLemur · 26/03/2026 12:55

I'd love to hear the friends version of events....

Surely that’s the same with any MN thread though? We only ever get one side. Therefore we can only respond based on the version of events in front of us. Yes it would be fabulous to have the version of every party involved plus any objective witnesses, but that’s not how online discussion forums work, generally 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ninerainbows · 26/03/2026 13:59

shhblackbag · 26/03/2026 13:48

Yes, all of this. I do think you're being unreasonable in calling her after a five-minute wait. She probably was fed up. I would have been too.

She was calling the friend back. She had 2 missed calls.

Lavenderlovers · 26/03/2026 14:00

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angelsofsunset · 26/03/2026 14:03

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Ah ok so having "enough" is a justifiable reason to verbally abuse someone is it?

Well thats interesting because I regularly have had "enough" when I am shopping in my local supermarket due to other shoppers being selfish - so should I shout abuse at them? can I abuse the people on the till because I have had ENOUGH?

What about driving and someone cuts me up- should I stop the car, get out and verbally abuse them? after all, I have had ENOUGH at that point?

At what point does someone's "enough" become someone else's OTT?

shhblackbag · 26/03/2026 14:03

Ninerainbows · 26/03/2026 13:59

She was calling the friend back. She had 2 missed calls.

That detail was added later when people didn't agree with OP.

Ninerainbows · 26/03/2026 14:05

angelsofsunset · 26/03/2026 14:03

Ah ok so having "enough" is a justifiable reason to verbally abuse someone is it?

Well thats interesting because I regularly have had "enough" when I am shopping in my local supermarket due to other shoppers being selfish - so should I shout abuse at them? can I abuse the people on the till because I have had ENOUGH?

What about driving and someone cuts me up- should I stop the car, get out and verbally abuse them? after all, I have had ENOUGH at that point?

At what point does someone's "enough" become someone else's OTT?

They are like whack-a-mole. It's like the Mumsnet version of "The customer is always right" but instead "The OP is always wrong".