Active discussions

Best Amazon Prime Day deals: Mumsnet favourites

Best Amazon Prime Day deals:
Mumsnet favourites

Shop now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Friendship ended over a sigh.

378 replies

JalapenoFeverDream · 25/03/2026 22:36

I'm utterly perplexed by what's happened with me and my friend. Been friends about 15 years, loads in common, had some breaks together, nights in, and nights out. We live in different towns about 18 miles apart and due to opposite work schedules, we don't get to meet up as often as we'd like.

A few weeks ago, we realised Sunday was a day were could both meet up, and arranged to meet at a village close to her town. I had plans late morning / early lunchtime and we discussed meeting up afterwards.

On the day, we spoke on text to arrange a time, she said she had some errands to run, so asked if I could give her a rough time, such as 2pm or 3pm so she knew how much time she had to get things done. I said, let's say 2pm tentatively, but I'll confirm for sure shortly.

Just after midday, I text and said 2pm was looking tight, so can we meet at 3pm. She replied much later saying can we make it quarter past as she's still running errands, no probs I say.

I get to the village at the agreed time and she's not there. After 5 mins waiting, I call to check she's okay and she's only just left her town and will be 10-15 mins. I was busting for a wee, in a farm shop with no facilities. So this is where it started to go awry...

In response to my friend due to be arriving 15 mins late, I inadvertently let out a small sigh, not a deep sigh, literally a short disappointed sigh, followed by me saying, "Oh... okay mate. I'll see you soon then." There was 100% no annoyed tone to my voice. I was looking forward to seeing her. The sigh was totally inadvertent, like rolling your eyes, or like wrinkling your nose in disgust at something.

Well, she went bat shit at me, screaming and swearing at me, "Don't you fucking sigh at me! I've planned my whole fucking day around you! Don't you dare fucking sigh at me!"

I was honestly taken aback by how she went from nought to screaming at me.

I ventured to interrupt her tirade to say it sounds like maybe it's best to not meet up, and let's rearrange. But before I could get a word in, she said, "You know what? You can fuck off. I'm not fucking meeting you now, so fuck off!" Then hung up on me.

I was upset, but thought I'd not bother trying to call her back as she was obviously angry. So, I'd let it settle and drive back to my town.

I got home, and found that she'd blocked me on Instagram, FB, phone and WhatsApp. Which seems way over the top and childish.

I have a separate Facebook account for my work, so I sent her a message from there which probably went to her "Other" inbox.

My message said I was shocked and disgusted at the way she spoke me to me and that while I totally understand the inadvertent sigh may have been annoying, her response to it was wholly disproportionate.

I also remarked that I resented her saying she planned her "whole fucking day" around me. We agreed that 2pm was tentative, I gave her two hours notice to move it and if anything, me moving it to 3pm gave her extra time to get her errands completed.

I finished the message saying that what's done is done, I'm saddened and that I'll post her birthday present that I'd brought with me. (Her birthday was the week we were meant to meet.)

Not heard from her since. I never fall out out with my friends, hence no idea how to navigate it.

As I'm upset, I spoke to a couple of my close friends who don't really know her, one said to leave her be now, the ball's in her court. She agrees with me that her reaction was OTT, but maybe there's a reason.

My other friend said she'd bin her off, even if she came back and apologised, as being spoken to like that would be the last time she's being spoken to like that.

Firstly, AIBU in thinking her reaction (the tirade and mass blocking) was OTT?

Secondly, what would your next steps be? I'm erring on just leaving it.

OP posts:
Original poster
JalapenoFeverDream · 25/03/2026 23:24

Uvorange · 25/03/2026 22:47

I don’t want to be harsh but I do think yabu.
I’m not really sure why you’d bother to go to a different account to message her just to say you’re disgusted in her, I’m not sure what the desired outcome of that was. And it’s very hot and cold to say that but also that you’d send her bday gift. It sounds like you’re trying to be rude like she was but also get the higher ground.

also to be fair to her it does sound like the timings of the day were completely dictated by you and sighing is rude and you were the one to say you don’t want to meet up with her anymore too.
she obviously wasn’t polite and didn’t handle the situation brilliantly, but I do wonder if things have been building. You can’t do morning you can’t do evening you now can’t do 2pm either, then she changes the time once by 10-15mins and you start sighing. It doesn’t seem like you can see what you contributed to the situation in this instance and I wonder if thats the case on other occasions too

I would either message and apologise
or just leave it

You're right, I can't see what I contributed to the situation. Mainly for the fact that we've always been fluid in making plans.

She asked at 10am, am I thinking I'll get done and over there by 2pm or 3pm. I said I'd aim for 2pm, but see how long event will be and confirm for surewhen I got there, which I did do.

Another poster said I should have said 3pm and said if I was done earlier then I'd call to see if she could make it earlier. Which I'm hindsight was a better idea I think.

I never once said I didn't want to meet up with her anymore, when she was screaming at me I was trying to get a word in to suggest we arrange, I didn't get the chance.

I've taken on some of what you've said though. Thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
JalapenoFeverDream · 25/03/2026 23:26

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · 25/03/2026 22:47

She sounds a bit unhinged. Is there something going on on her life causing stress and you are the last straw?

id not I say cut your losses.

She's highly stressy by nature. But she's had a lot on her plate since before I met her and I do my best to help.

OP posts:
Original poster
JalapenoFeverDream · 25/03/2026 23:28

thirtyfourpercent · 25/03/2026 23:18

Send her a card with a slight rewording of
Yep, the sigh must have audible. But it was genuinely inadvertent, I was cold, needed a wee, and just looking forward to seeing her.
You were both battling time, the pressure not allowing for your better selves.

Nice idea. Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
JalapenoFeverDream · 25/03/2026 23:30

PeacockPalace · 25/03/2026 23:20

You both sound pretty self absorbed; you with your ‘I already had plans in the morning’ ‘I needed a wee’ ‘I let her know which time I was available to meet’, and her with all her running errands and leaving late for the meet up etc.

Not sure how me having existing plans that we were working around and me needing a wee makes me self absorbed! 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
JalapenoFeverDream · 25/03/2026 23:31

Happyjoe · 25/03/2026 23:21

I wonder then if there is something really amiss in her life right now or you've just received the type of behaviour that you've witness towards others?

Maybe it's just run its course for both of you.

Show quote history

I'm not sure. As I say, I've dodged her wrath in the past. Maybe as we don't see each other as often as we'd like we usually see the best version of each other. 😆

OP posts:
Springspringspringagain · 25/03/2026 23:35

She may also be quite mortified when her anger wears off, she probably felt all indignant and justified in the moment, and in a few days, not so much. Just let it go for a week or two, and see what happens after that.

Original poster
JalapenoFeverDream · 25/03/2026 23:37

Springspringspringagain · 25/03/2026 23:35

She may also be quite mortified when her anger wears off, she probably felt all indignant and justified in the moment, and in a few days, not so much. Just let it go for a week or two, and see what happens after that.

I think I probably was feeling some of the same when I messaged her afterwards. I was really hurt and the blocking felt ridiculous. Anger makes us do and say crazy things.

Thanks for the advice.

OP posts:
ShmurpleRain · 25/03/2026 23:55

She was unreasonable to speak to you so disgustingly.

You were unreasonable for the sigh. That was rude.

But here lies the problem:

she said she had some errands to run, so asked if I could give her a rough time, such as 2pm or 3pm so she knew how much time she had to get things done. I said, let's say 2pm tentatively, but I'll confirm for sure shortly.

You both couldn’t commit fully. You were both unable to make a solid plan with a set time.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, however it would have best for you both to admit you should have rearranged, and properly made plans. None of the wishy-washy- tentative shit.

If some told me me “let’s say 2pm tentatively, but I’ll confirm later” I wouldn’t have bothered and would have rearranged.

I’m not sure why you busting for a wee was relevant, or added to your stress. This whole thing could have been avoided if you replied to your friend like “no problem, I need the toilet anyway so I’ll find neighbouring facilities and do my business whilst your on your way”.

Anyway, not much you can do now since she’s blocked you. Perhaps it’s not worth continuing the friendship. I’d wait to see if she gets back to you on your business Facebook account, but if not just give it time.

Ormally · 25/03/2026 23:56

We make firmer plans a couple of hours beforehand. She's often a bit late, we laugh it off as it's a recurring theme.
(And she often cancels, as she hasn't enough hours in the day.)

Hmm.

I'm pretty sure I will have posted this kind of thought before on other threads, but I had a colleague who also became a friend, the potential to be a pretty good friend. They set up meetings roughly weekly, sometimes 'the usual Friday time', sometimes others. And then they would cancel about 50 percent of the time, or more. Yes, they were very busy and very unrealistic about their capacity. It was infuriating on the work level, but you're paid to be accommodating and professional there. When it happened on the 'friend level' - because it was thought fine on the work level - that was a repeated and growing issue that they actually didn't respect my time and I was belted in to the post of someone who'd be a good sport when they cancelled (sometimes for someone else or because they didn't figure out earlier how their commitments could fit together). It just got larger and larger as an elephant in the room, to the point that it broke the deal because it can't change. This sounds similar.

Original poster
JalapenoFeverDream · 25/03/2026 23:59

ShmurpleRain · 25/03/2026 23:55

She was unreasonable to speak to you so disgustingly.

You were unreasonable for the sigh. That was rude.

But here lies the problem:

she said she had some errands to run, so asked if I could give her a rough time, such as 2pm or 3pm so she knew how much time she had to get things done. I said, let's say 2pm tentatively, but I'll confirm for sure shortly.

You both couldn’t commit fully. You were both unable to make a solid plan with a set time.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, however it would have best for you both to admit you should have rearranged, and properly made plans. None of the wishy-washy- tentative shit.

If some told me me “let’s say 2pm tentatively, but I’ll confirm later” I wouldn’t have bothered and would have rearranged.

I’m not sure why you busting for a wee was relevant, or added to your stress. This whole thing could have been avoided if you replied to your friend like “no problem, I need the toilet anyway so I’ll find neighbouring facilities and do my business whilst your on your way”.

Anyway, not much you can do now since she’s blocked you. Perhaps it’s not worth continuing the friendship. I’d wait to see if she gets back to you on your business Facebook account, but if not just give it time.

That's sound advice and you make good points. Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
JalapenoFeverDream · 26/03/2026 00:03

Ormally · 25/03/2026 23:56

We make firmer plans a couple of hours beforehand. She's often a bit late, we laugh it off as it's a recurring theme.
(And she often cancels, as she hasn't enough hours in the day.)

Hmm.

I'm pretty sure I will have posted this kind of thought before on other threads, but I had a colleague who also became a friend, the potential to be a pretty good friend. They set up meetings roughly weekly, sometimes 'the usual Friday time', sometimes others. And then they would cancel about 50 percent of the time, or more. Yes, they were very busy and very unrealistic about their capacity. It was infuriating on the work level, but you're paid to be accommodating and professional there. When it happened on the 'friend level' - because it was thought fine on the work level - that was a repeated and growing issue that they actually didn't respect my time and I was belted in to the post of someone who'd be a good sport when they cancelled (sometimes for someone else or because they didn't figure out earlier how their commitments could fit together). It just got larger and larger as an elephant in the room, to the point that it broke the deal because it can't change. This sounds similar.

I'll be honest. I'd not really given it much thought before. I've just let the cancellations go in the past and rearranged, I appreciate that last few us busy.

But after reading your response maybe I sub consciousnessly didn't challenge it as I didn't want any kicking off or fallings out.

OP posts:
selffellatingouroborosofhate · 26/03/2026 00:29

Drama like this is why I avoid people as much as possible. I never have problems with CatOfHate.

Once you get comfortable spending time alone, you wonder why you ever bothered with chats over coffee.

LisaVanderpumpy · 26/03/2026 00:30

My guess, you've probably fine loads of other irritating things and this was the last straw

LisaVanderpumpy · 26/03/2026 00:31

Personally I'd find the sighing rude

Original poster
JalapenoFeverDream · 26/03/2026 00:34

LisaVanderpumpy · 26/03/2026 00:31

Personally I'd find the sighing rude

And not the getting told to fuck off? Interesting.

OP posts:
Original poster
JalapenoFeverDream · 26/03/2026 00:35

LisaVanderpumpy · 26/03/2026 00:30

My guess, you've probably fine loads of other irritating things and this was the last straw

Sadly, we don't see each other enough to regularly irritate one another. When we do manage to get together we spend most of the time catching up and laughing.

OP posts:
Original poster
JalapenoFeverDream · 26/03/2026 00:35

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 26/03/2026 00:29

Drama like this is why I avoid people as much as possible. I never have problems with CatOfHate.

Once you get comfortable spending time alone, you wonder why you ever bothered with chats over coffee.

My dog never lets me down. 🥰

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 26/03/2026 00:37

People that scream at their friends are unhinged. You’re better off without her.

puppyparent · 26/03/2026 00:43

If a friend ever spoke to me like that I’d be completely shocked and assume they were having some kind of personal crisis

MyNextDoorNeighbourVotesReform · 26/03/2026 00:45

You'll never trust her again to react as a normal human being would. Whatever happens the friendship as it was is over.

Unless I'd just run over her cat, if a friend spoke to me like that, it would be a massive relief never to see her again

Wonderlandpeony · 26/03/2026 00:45

If you had plans for the morning/lunchtime, it would have been better realistically to have said you'd meet her at 3pm to begin with. It sounds as though she wanted to know the exact time, rather than having to hang on waiting until you knew when you were going to be free.

Are you normally a bit loose with times or is it a one off? If the latter then she probably was over reacting, but if you often do this then I can see why she was annoyed.

Babyboomtastic · 26/03/2026 00:57

So the plan was loose with a rough time. You shifted it to 3, she shifted it to 3:15 (given she hasn't finished her chores it sounds like the original 2pm wouldn't have worked for her either).

Then she was late to the time you'd both rearranged. You sighed and she went off on swearing.

Yes the sigh was rude but her behaviour was far worse IMO.

thanks2 · 26/03/2026 01:05

sounds like she has exec function problems and likely adhd with all her struggles with time. ADHD also equals struggling to manage emotions - and now she’s likely embarrassed at her out burst.

Momlife86 · 26/03/2026 01:06

I had a similar friend, always falling out with people or having arguments.
She was a good friend but at times it was hard work, she would cancel a lot / change plans last minute and I would keep the peace a lot.

I found she was getting to be hard work, snapping at me, being rude … and on one occasion, a comment was made and for once I said, I’m not chasing her or seeing what’s wrong… and that was it. 7 years later and I never heard from her again.

It really made me sad and it took me a long time to get over the friendship, really felt like a breakup as we were friends for over 15 years.

There’s been many a time I’ve thought of reaching out but as usual that would be me keeping the peace.. and not once has she reached out to me.

You’ve reached out.. I’d leave it at that.
Sometimes friendships come to an abrupt ending and there may not be a clear reason as to why.

crunchycrackers · 26/03/2026 01:19

I lost track of the number of time changes and phone calls and texts to arrange a supposedly fun afternoon catchup. Doesn’t matter who is right or wrong I can’t get my head around the intensity of the contacts for most of the day and then the big explosion at the end.

It’s a lot of stress for a social catchup. No wonder it ended badly.