Anybody have a partner who is very very tight with money?

[LucyLoo1972]

IS anybody else in a marriage or relationship where the partner is very very tight and frugal?

How do you navigate it? what impact does it have on you?

my DH wont do any financial planning or budgeting - but its liek his goal in life is to spend as little money as possible. He is good earner but we live like the clampets.

we may have to separate becasue our marriage broke down really own I went into psychosis 9part of which was due ot his ways with money.

But if we do stay together, how do you navigate this?

well if it was a factor in breaking you, he needs to change that part to stay together, which will probably require a huge effort on his part, as it is probably quite fundamental to him. If is not controlling towards you, and is just the way he takes life, it is going to be quite difficult. Personally I would go quantatively, he needs to accept that a certain portion of money is deducted from his earnings and put into a separate place for what he would consider frivolous spends. He needs to see hispaycheck as minus that amount, like a habit. That is a start. If it is more controlling towards you, then it is not going to work.

thank you. its hard to get him to organise money in any way. I dealt with all our finances befroe my breakdwon - I took the load of everythign really.

he spends what he wants on vinyl records and second hand books. we spend a lot on collecting contemporary art btu if it is something he doesnt see the value in he doesn't ike to spend it.

he doesnt treat me to anythign much. but it was impossible when eh didnt liek spending on things to do with my owrk that I needed.

we knew we were going to inherit a lot of money so we didnt need to be so frugal

Do you earn your own money?

From what you say he will spend money, just not on you. That's financial abuse.

Have you posted before, something about buying curtains and paying for services required while completing a PhD?

yes -that was me

I alwasy did all my life until I ahd a psychotic break when I submitted my PhD and it was catastrophic. in the last nine years I have probably worked for 2.5 of those.

@LucyLoo1972 Thinking ahead to if you did split up, what would your plan be financially?

Didn't he spend over £100,000 of therapy for you? It's disingenuous to post tiny fragments of your story in order to illicit different answers. The drip feed here is huge...

well I cant work and that breaks my heart - l loved my owrk so very much and was in my dream career. I grew up in poverty so have alwasy worked in some way since age 14 or so in Saturday jobs.

I need ot get legal advice.

we have a house worth around £300 K which is nearly paid off.

qw have around £100K savings

I am in the process of receiving an inheritance of around £200 K from my mum and I also will have a half share in a beautiful apartment in Tuscany left by my mum.

I have soem ideas for possible part time jobs like tutoring postgrads as I have a phd. ive recently doen a floristry course. and I also have an idea for another business that may work.

but currently I have no income stream.

I want ot die I have messed up our lives so much by getting mentally unwell.

I see - it’s you again.

It is YOU who will inherit a lot of money.

Just a few days ago you asked whether your inheritance would be considered a marital asset if you were to divorce…….. resulting in pages and pages and more pages of posters trying to help.

What are you hoping to achieve with yet another thread?

@LucyLoo1972 is he tight with sharing on every level? Like every day stuff and affection?

well here im thinking of how I could navigate thigns if we stayed together and didnt split. like is it possible to find a new way of dealing with thigns? I dont know

hes not at all tight with sharing food or things liek that. he'd always let me have thigns like that.

He does not show much affection - I would say he is tight and mean with that as well.

Oh right missed this.
@LucyLoo1972 sounds like you don't have much to moan about. It's your choice.
Leave or stay is down to you. I doubt either of you will change.

@SillyCritic You say you can't work but then you say you are looking for part-time jobs? I'm confused? Has a medical professional deemed you as unfit for work? Just trying to understand this.

I know im in a very privileged position compared ot most women who may need ot leave a marriage - I appreciate that completely.

I see my GP once a month and have talked a lot aobut work with her. I struggled when I went back to work - I really wanted to get back to my academic work and managed it for a while - I did a maternity cover at my university. I struggled a lot becasue thats where I ahd my psychotic breakdwon but also during tha year my FIL died, my mum died suddenly and I was Laos caring for my MIL with dementia so it all became too much. I did finish out the year but honestly I was doing the bare minimum becasue I was so unwell.

MY GP doesnt think im well enough to work really. ive tired getting part time jobs like in a cafe but no joy.

the ideas I have for work are ones were I am self employed and can do it when and if I can

@LucyLoo1972 I'm assuming you get PIP then?

no I dont. should I be entitled to that?

the doctor has never given me a letter or anything - its just in talking to her she says she doesnt think im well enough.

@LucyLoo1972 I retired early due to ill health. Im not entitled to any benefits but survive financially because I have so much more enjoyment in my soul, albeit on a tight budget.
I'm much happier and waiting to decide what to do in a couple of years when I get my state pension but it won't change my inner zen.

@LucyLoo1972 I'm very surprised your GP hasn't mentioned it tbh if they deem you unable to work due to your MH.

So he spends on himself, he’s not stingy just financially controlling with you? You should buy on joint funds everything you need for your work plus something extravagant, and divorce him. If your marriage sends you into psychosis you shouldn’t be in that marriage.

the marriage wasnt the only factor I was under intense amounts of stress but some of that did relate to the fiancail control I guess