Anybody have a partner who is very very tight with money?

[LucyLoo1972]

IS anybody else in a marriage or relationship where the partner is very very tight and frugal?

How do you navigate it? what impact does it have on you?

my DH wont do any financial planning or budgeting - but its liek his goal in life is to spend as little money as possible. He is good earner but we live like the clampets.

we may have to separate becasue our marriage broke down really own I went into psychosis 9part of which was due ot his ways with money.

But if we do stay together, how do you navigate this?

You seem to have started many threads in recent time. I think that when we are struggling with our mental health it can often lead to too much introspection and rumination which isn't particularly beneficial. I'm wondering if your time might be better spent on occupying yourself with something productive?

How many times are you going to keep posting the same thing @LucyLoo1972?
I don't think there's anyone left on this site that doesn't know how clever you are are, how you got your PHD with no corrections and how awful your husband is.
You seem to thrive on the attention these threads bring you. If all you say is in fact true I hope you find peace and happiness, but honestly thats not going to happen by repeating yourself on here.

A pp defined financial abuse as “he won’t spend money on you” so the op isn’t alone with the view that he should spend on what she wants or he’s horrible

Well add on He started making treats towards me and last week came 300 miles to our house and tried to smash our window to get in. the neighbours called the police. He is 80

at 80?!
sorry but really?

yes - I think you are right. im so stuck in this black hole.

Yes - really. I know it is insane. He is a terrible terrible person. it is unbelievable he would do that I know. my poor DH took the brunt of it.

Ho OP I’ve just read through this post and I feel your life is far too complicated to be untangled by keep asking questions on mumsnet.
You need proper professional input to untangle what is a very complex and complicated situation.
You say your home isn’t even decorated, that it’s full of his obsessive record collection. You obviously both have deep rooted mental problems that are far deeper than can be unravelled on here.
I would focus on seeking professional help and stop posting threads on here that are then ripped to shreds and leave you no nearer to a plan for moving forward than when you started.

I know you are right. its becsue I worked so very very hard to get where I did and find a life of peace and happiness nad then it all got ripped away.

Maybe spend some time today thinking about productive things you could fit into your day that would give to us sense of satisfaction. It's hard going back to work after a period of mental illness. You sound very well qualified. Is there any charity work you could do in the meantime that would benefit from your skills? This would improve your confidence also. Have a think about filling your days with productive things. Could you fit in some exercise? Learn a new skill?

yes - I think we do. my DH refuses to get help for his btu the hoarding is an indicator that something is going on with him.

I did a floristry course and am trying to do a little bit of that.

I am starting some volunteer work in the next couple or weeks - which could led to some paid work possibly.

I’m sorry so many posters are losing patience with you. I read your other thread/s and can empathise & sympathise. I had a psychotic breakdown before covid and also have a PhD, house abroad, so there are many similarities in yours & my situation.

You sound like you might still benefit from further work around the psychotic episode, so you can move on and let it stop defining you. YES you are v much eligible for PIP if you are not functioning on a daily basis. Please ask your GP or relevant nursing care to help you with this.

Regardless, your tightwad partner should not stand in your way of defining yourself as successful. What is your PhD in? Could you get consultancy work in it or related? You’ve had some excellent ideas for making money. Now execute them: use social media, LinkedIn, contacts.

You will be in a better space for tackling relationship problems once you take accountability for your healing & financial growth. Trust me, I’ve been with 2 tightwad partners and am with a 3rd now. Their meanness does not stand in my way, I earn my own money and make my consequences according to their actions. Generally I choose use men who have anxieties about wealth - it is part of my fabric, too. But part of strengthening yourself in the face of that is actively pursuing the money-making. Good luck!

I also do a lot of crafts! and try to do stuff in my yard.

Forget about him. Get some help for yourself. I have the feeling that you are still very mentally unwell and you're circling over and over bad stuff trying to see sense in it. Can you get yourself more help - not just therapy but I think you might need to see your GP again and look at trying to pull yourself out of this black hole you are falling into.

Generally volunteering is not a good way to make money. It’s great if you are already healed, well, and functioning at strength, but not for faster money. You are not really in the position to volunteer for now.

If he isn't going to change (and he won't) that really doesn't matter

Get legal advice asap

thank you kind friend!

im sorry you have been through similar things.

No, I haven’t, but my parents chose to live like peasants, spent little and what they buy has no quality at all.
It impacts, as you are finding, on quality of life.

I think I have inherited some aspects of their tightness though! 😳

yes- im hideously mentally unwell nad becasue I seem quite together I dont tihnk MH people recognise how seriously this is the case. im very very very sick.

Can I ask how old you are op? Are there children involved

my PhD is in social sciences

The only way out of this is to live in the present. No point in going on about your qualifications thats in the past. The future and the present is what you have. If you're not happy you need to make changes. You can't change your DH's behaviour. And a therapist or folk on MN cant change things. Only you can.

im 53. no children - no

thank you - you are right

What does any of that have to do with OP's problem? Why are you assuming OP isn't paying her way? And lastly, where the actual fuck do you get off peddling this retrograde misogynistic shit on a forum that's here to support women?